While Colin raps on one certain very-famous-right-now lady (whom I, too, love, but probably because she’s, like, Black Oprah), there is a lady who’s become the equivalent of my dream hag (if, of course, that whole phenomenon didn’t make me want to vomit poop):

Miley Cyrus.

It would be so boring, I know, if I adopted her as an ironic crush in an empty allusion to gay camp.  She’s someone - much like Raven Symone, who went from adorable child actor to a hyperactive trannie-clown whose overacting recalls every WB sitcom ever - who has, of late, boggled my mind.

Like Raven, she’s not really… “pretty,” so there isn’t much of a “princess” factor.  She doesn’t seem especially girly, so the idea of exclusively pink, sparkly, strawberry-scented merchandise goes out the window.  Her origin within the pop cultural landscape fascinates me, too, as she was merely one of an endless number of Disney pawns who found mammoth success.   Incidentally, her father was a former one-hit wonder who is now desperately clinging to her for relevance by playing her dad on Hannah Montana (and, p.s., it’s working).  So it’s just kind of like…what are you?

Don’t get me wrong - aside from being a dirty self-portrait whore (but, really, isn’t that as common today for MySpace-addicted tween girls as those filthy pseudo-mustaches screaming for a lesson in shaving are to boys?), Miley Cyrus seems like a pretty solid role model for young girls.  She’s toothy, presumably feisty, and a wee bit busted.  And to an audience of American kids - especially girls - that’s got be a pretty healthy departure from our generation’s being raised on Britney Spears’s virgin/whore/whore complex and The Spice Girls’s vacous promotion of “Girl Power.”

Also, “7 Things” is an amazing song.  It’s totally Donna Lewis, except for the fact that Miley sounds like a trucker aaaaand that’s something awesome.

One Response to “Hannah Montana, National Trucker…Er, Treasure”

1. JJS III Says:
   September 9th, 2008 at 6:51 am

   I’m trying to dream of a day when “If you text me, I’ll delete it” will be as dated as “You make me want to throw my pager out the window, tell MCI to cut the phone poles”. Then “7 Things” will be even better than it is now.

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