I am in Seattle. This means I took a six hour flight yesterday to get here. Obviously it was on Jet Blue. Which also meant six hours of glorious, mind numbing TV. And the make to mind numbing even easier, I took a percoset left over from some surgeries I had in October. Let the nodding in and out begin!

I easily settled on a strong line up of Sci Fi Channel movies, since (duh!) zombies aliens and spooks are the best. I’m not even going to bother trying to trash the three movies I watched because it’s too easy (FYI, they were Hallowed Ground, Clive Barker’s The Plague starring James Van Der Beek, and Legion of Dead starring naked mummies in northern California). Also, I was skipping between these and a Shot At Love With Tila Tequila (a horror show in itself) so I didn’t see any of them all the way through.

More important than the programming were the commercials I got to catch up on.

My personal favorite was the Chuck Norris Total Gym workout. To share this I could only find one of the most horrifying YouTube clips I have ever seen.

So I was going to talk about how Chuck Norris gives a flippant, boyish smile and says “Two months… that’s a long time” proceeding to talk about how you’ll get hooked on the workout, but in this YouTube reproduction I was too distracted by the old lady exclaiming Chuck Norris, the fat man crossing in front of the old color TV, and the baby crying in the background. I just saw a glimpse into the world of Middle America. This clip is like the video in The Ring, except instead of dying, you just get fat, lonely, burdened with sick relatives, and stuck in a trailer. I’m terrified for my waistline.

Considering that Chuck Norris also sponsors Mike Huckabee, it seems obvious that fatties would love him (photo via Wonkette).

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