So I was in a guided meditation yesterday after yoga class. Yeah, yuck it up. Make fun of me now get it out. Feel better now? I bet you don’t, because making fun of people makes you nothing but an ugly person on the inside. Also, Ugly On The Inside. And if you enjoyed that title, IMDB says you might also enjoy Nudity Required. Just in case I haven’t driven the point home, here’s a look at the inside of your soul and it looks just like the inside of the Coyote Ugly:

So at one point we were asked to visualize someone who annoys us/that we dislike. I had this sudden realization I am incapable of picturing anyone I dislike as anything but a strange caricature of themselves. For example,the person I visualized has a wimpy jaw… but in my head it was ridiculous and jowell like. This leads me to the obvious conclusion that all caricature artists in Times Square and other tourist ridden areas are driven entirely by a combination of hate and creativity.

Unfortunately my visualizations are not so creative. After the jump, I have prepared an exercise to help you understand what my mind does to people who get on my bad side.

“Hey there! How you doing? Good to see you. It’s been a while.”

Now visualize yourself sitting down at a counter at a diner with me. I have a milkshake.

“Good to see you. Long day at work huh?”

You nod.

“Are you gonna say anything? Whatever, it’s cool. I’m just going to drink my milkshake.”

You drink my milkshake. You drink it up.

“Hey. Fuck you buddy!”

I now am annoyed at you and picturing you ugly in my mind’s eye. And soon it becomes a reality because of my awesome reality bending mind powers. Here’s a before and after.

Yes. My mind’s eye has turned you into Helena Bonham Carter from Sweeney Todd.

You know what else can do that to you, kids? Meth. Say no to drugs, guys.

[photo via Faces of Meth]

One Response to “Cartoonists Are Filled With Hate”

1. eeez Says:
   April 16th, 2008 at 5:49 pm

   i believe in meth; it shows peeps’ true colors. speaking of colors, do you like hot chip?

   [reply this comment]

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