Posted on May 5th, 2008 by Vagenius
While recently at a comedy show downtown, I sat behind a homeless girl (if living in Williamsburg lofts constitute one as “homeless,” that is) and her friend, a petite, effete young man who acted like a teenybopper circa 1997, orange belly shirt and all. As I sat with my boyfriend at the time, the guy made sure to start chatting us up and dropping the names of places where he had been employed as a go-go dancer (including the OG dumps like Twirl and Heaven, not surprisingly, clubs where my twinky gay friend in high school went to soak his UFO pants on “Foam Night”). If we didn’t already realize that he was, in fact, gay, he made it clear when he brassily suggested we include him in a threesome.
Look, there’s a reason I don’t date girls. Like the bestseller says, I’m just not that into them. Vaginas aren’t necessarily my “thing,” per se, so when this dude literally started to do “skanky dancing” to The Pussycat Dolls song playing overhead, just as he started to tease us with glimpses of his ugly, overpriced underwear (does anyone else think it’s creepy that gay guys scoop up undergarments slightly resembling those worn by those whose balls haven’t yet dropped?), I had enough.
This dude didn’t just make me uncomfortable, he made angry. Yes, we both put wieners in our mouths. So why must I be grouped in with him by default? Not cool. In his attempt to delight me with the sight of his undies, I was, instead, turned off like a leaky sink. He exemplified what sitcom writers use as the stock Gay Male character for one of two very sad reasons: he really is a sexually extravagant dandy who needs to dance or he has allowed media imagery to subconsciously shape shift him into an exaggerated former version of himself, a minstrel show in which black face is replaced with body glitter.
Not that I want to intentionally quote Cher, but if I could turn back time, I would find a way to sucker-punch a lot of ladies who made gay babies, if only because these gay babies grew up to, themselves, turn back time on gay progression. As we finally approach becoming a widely accepted facet of mainstream culture, these Clockblockers help fuel anti-gay activists who believe homos are, by nature, one-note catty bitches that are destroying the moral grounds of Americana through “dancing hard” (see Pride Parades) and promiscuous sex (see AIDS).
Among the celebrity set, Michael Musto, Carson Kressley, and Christian Siriano have also pushed the agenda by singlehandedly attaching labels to themselves, respectively, in trash-culture gossip, fashion-related hissyfits, and saying “fierce trannie mess” ad nauseum. Fellas, just let it go. We get it. We know what you do in the privacy of your own bedroom (or the bathroom stall of The Eagle, whatever). It’s cool if you want to tackle social issues, but dropping references to Gossip Girl and parlaying anecdotes about your “crazy nights” not only makes me feel bad, but it severely slows down the process of my eventually adopting awesome kids with my husband without getting stares from the neighbors.
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May 5th, 2008 at 9:31 am
As per usual with us on these issues I have to severely disagree and actually find this to be riddled with a kind of uncomfortable internalized homophobia.
Isn’t gay rights also about the freedom to wear glitter? The rainbow represents all sorts of sexuality and is about accepting a multitude of differences. Not that I’m condoning this kid who seems agreeabley totally awful, but I don’t think the reason gays get stares has to do with his immature behavior.
Gays get stared at, can’t adopt kids, and in general are treated as second class citizens in our culture, not because of promiscuous sex or effete behavior, but because of desires we have that are seen as “un-natural” not matter how monogamous and with-children you may become. The issue here is not affectations of the relatively new “gay culture” but rather the fact that same gender love is threatening to the idea of the heterosexual family unit as it’s conceived of in our culture.
I honestly think people need to accept the glitter and bathroom stall hook ups in order to ever truly accept a monogamous gay couple that reflects more mainstream heterosexual coupling. The problem here is not the affectations that come out of being a marginalized subculture, it’s the fact that we are marginalized in the first place.
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May 5th, 2008 at 11:36 am
Oddly, I think I agree with both of you to some extent.
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May 5th, 2008 at 1:05 pm
Also, not to be hogging the comment board here, but this article totally made me vomit, and I think provides an example that is way relevant here.
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/04/27/magazine/27young-t.html
If these people are the people combatting stereotypes and moving us forward, then I think it’s time for a new movement.
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May 5th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
hi, long-time reader, first-time commenter.
so the more i’ve been thinking about this post, the more it’s been gnawing at me how kind of wrong-headed and reactionary it is. fist patrick labeled this as uncomfortable internalized homophobia in his comment, and i think that’s a fairly accurate assessment. you were uncomfortable with a dude slinkily suggesting that you and yr bf have a threesome with him: fair enough, i’d be fairly uncomfortable with that too. i wouldn’t, however, extract from that situation such a damning critique of “gay culture”. i think, in fact, that it’s extremely unfair for you to do so, because these “negative” traits you ascribe to him - forthrightness about his sexuality, penchant for revealing underwear, whatever else - are HARDLY solely endemic to the great unwashed gay masses, but more to a strawman you’ve constructed to react against. you don’t like gays who act in this queeny, promiscuous way, but you’re also content to establish a set of behaviors/media archetypes that typify these guys in such a way that inevitably leads to a pernicious policing of pleasure (ie gays should do THIS and THIS but THAT is NOT ACCEPTABLE) that makes me kind of uncomfortable (personally, as someone who enjoys going out dancing at gay clubs and listening to music made on machines that’s faster than 120 bpm and watching [and tivo-ing!] gossip girl and other such ‘gay’ activities that are often enjoyed by heteros as well).
i have more i want to say but i should’ve left work some time ago…
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