Retaygay / Who The Fuck Is That Hipster? I’ll Have A Burger With A Side of Tired Beats And Annoying Hooks

Posted on August 13th, 2008 by Colin

Have you guys seen this? If you’re cool, you probably have already since it was all over the internet yesterday.

It’s a new Cazwell single, predictably titled “I Saw Beyonce At Burger King,” released as a “viral video,” I am assuming, to try and get hype for his upcoming album Get Into It!

I really wanted to like it. Cazwell’s good looks (and kind of sexy crooked tooth?) make me think dirty thoughts, and it’s a proven fact that good looks can help make up for a lack of true musical talent. His first hit (if you can call it that, because it was probably only popular with urban gays), “All Over Your Face,” was catchy and fun, and the extras in the video are comprised of a large percentage of gay Williamsburg guys, many of whom company I enjoy the company of. But this new song is just annoying.

  1. The hook is horrible. I don’t know why anyone thinks that a whiny nasally voice over and over again is pleasant or fun. It’s just annoying. Cazwell has been called the gay Eminem out there in the blogosphere, and I think he’s trying to affect some sort of imitation of that old “My Name Is” song. But that song was annoying, should not be copied, and was released in 1999. In 1999 we all thought we were going to die when y2k hit, so we liked bad music. It’s not really retro or cool to bring back that sound.
  2. I feel like I’ve been making this joke for years? Like this one time I was reading Hamptons magazine and there was an interview with Jessica Alba? And she said, in all seriousness, the one food she could not live without was “apples.” And I then shouted, “You fucking liar,” at the magazine and have continued to speculate with friends about how Jessica Alba binges on Crispy Cremes at 3am ever since. It’s essentially the same joke, and I am not really so entertained by my own old jokes.
  3. Featuring Johnny Make-up? Really? Now I really liked Gravy Train!!!! and used to own their first CD, but I’m not digging this collaboration. The combination of the big girls in Gravy Train!!!! and the skinny, whiny, rapping twink is what made that band work. I really, really loved a show I saw of theirs back in 2004 at the Knitting Factory, but I honestly haven’t listened to them since 2005. Also? I think the genre of kooky electro might have stopped being relevant, fun, and fresh with the closing of Luxx back in 2004. If I’m wrong about this, please show me some examples, but last I checked electronic music of today was more embodied by bands like Cut Copy and Hercules and Love Affair. Even the mediocre new Girl Talk mash-ups feels more relevant than these new Cazwell beats.

Besides, guys, Beyonce looooooves the Master Cleanse lemonade diet. It would be a way funnier and relevant song if it was about how Beyonce had the runs and was so hungry she could hardly stand.

3 Responses to “I’ll Have A Burger With A Side of Tired Beats And Annoying Hooks”

  1. JJS III Says:
    August 13th, 2008 at 12:17 pm

    Look. I hate Cazwell. I’m not going to be secretive about this. I randomly got an invitation to his Burger King (coincidence?) birthday party, and I tried to forward it to a friend with the message…

    “I don’t even like Cazwell, we are not friends, and I certainly did not sign up for his e-mail list. Why the fuck am I being invited to his birthday party?”

    I wound up hitting reply by mistake. Clearly he doesn’t read the e-mails for that address, because I wound up getting an e-mail about this video.

    It was actually refreshing for me to hear Cazwell rapping about something that didn’t involve sex for once. I have nothing against sex raps. Hell, I’ve written plenty of sex raps. But there just ain’t no pride in a facial. I didn’t think “All Over Your Face” was catchy or fun. At all.

    I’m not familiar with Cazwell’s discography or anything, but I like that this song isn’t explicitly “gay” even though it references a gay icon.

    With all that said, you’re right. The song is totally annoying.

    And Cazwell is a total fugasaurus. Why do people want to hit that?

    [reply this comment]

    Colin reply on August 14, 2008:

    He’s a total fugosaurus in a way that gives me a fugly boner. I really don’t understand my attraction AT ALL.

    I don’t mind so much if he’s a one trick pony that just does songs about dirty sex. I think I liked all over your face because it was basically EXACTLY like that song he did with Avenue D which I liked back in 2003. But that was all music that was fun 5 years ago… I can’t imagine how anyone can be “into” this now.

  2. Arch Says:
    August 13th, 2008 at 3:20 pm

    I’m really torn; I love, love all the visuals in this video: the French fry costume on Jonny Makeup and Cazwell in that ridiculous yet adorable pink tank top — yes, please.

    But the actual all-gimmick one-line(r) gay novelty song is just so, uh… awful? It’s less gay Eminen and more like a Justin Timberlake/SNL sketch without an army of writers to make it funny.

    He was so close though: “…patting her weave, ladies, with her palm.” So close.

    [reply this comment]

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