Posted on May 3rd, 2008 by Gambypants
Have you heard?—No, like, I was watching Lost (SO good last night).
Well, let me bring you pansies up to speed: A local labor leader introducing Hillary this past week said the nation needed a leader “that has testicular fortitude.” WOW. Her street cred in the trannie community just hit a new high. And before that in North Carolina, Gov. Mike Easley (D-lover of ballz) raised some eyebrows when he said Clinton was so determined that she made “Rocky Balboa look like a pansy.” Never mind that comment angered a couple of old fags in Asheville, what got me wonderin’ as a lover of Presidential Election history was which other Presidential hopefuls were total fembots and voted off the island of Presidentia–and yes, you guessed it, more often than not, they were Democrats.
Eugene V. Debs (Socialist-Hello!). What a commie slut! Born of French parents, Debs learned from a wee twink age to appreciate progressive causes. He ran for President five times as a fighter of Labor Unions and often denounced racism throughout his years as a socialist—which in the South meant you were into interracial gay love. Sorry, not gonna happen in this country: go to jail.
Adlai Stevenson (Aristocrat). Ha, when you google his name a gay dude’s blog comes up with a quote: In America, anybody can become president, and that’s just one of the risks you take. Not a risk American wanted to take with you, Adlai. Often found reading AND crossing his legs, Sir Stevenson was a fancy speaker and highly educated, which didn’t go over so well for most Americans. He went up against Dwight Eisenhower who loved big bombs and won some wars, and so lost to practically ALL of America.
Michael Dukakis (D-MA) Besides hailing from a state where gay is the state flower, Mike proved to be a total pansy when he shed his Gucchi suit and donned an over sized military helmet and drove a tank. (Love military porn by the way.) Of course, this made him look childish and weak and thus a creepy pedophile by Republican standards. What’s more, he secretly supported gang bangin’ hook ups, so he created a “prisoner furlough” program, whereby convicted criminals were let out of prison for weekends or special occasions. (Here’s one of his most notorious beneficaries, Willie. Myspace him some time.) This did not go over well for Mom and Pop Iowa. He only won ten states.
John Kerry (D-MA). Such a pansy cake. You may remember his unsuccessful attempt at scoring the Presidency from what was arguably a give-away victory. But yet again, he hailed from the gayest state in the Union, ordered Swiss cheese instead of Whiz on his Philly cheese steak, and was married to a trannie. If that weren’t enough he was allegedly in the Army during the Vietnam War, only to come home to spit all over each who served. Pinko! NO PRESIDENCY FO YOU!
Which leaves us with current Presidential hopefuls: one with balls, one without, and another who has personally known all the above mentioned contenders, so is sure to win and doom us all.
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