YEE HAW!! Shit is gettin’ good. The primary season has dragged on FOREVS, longer than a wild booze filled night with Fist Patrick. The Media don’t really need to cover the important stuff anymore like say Iraq, Health-care, Mexicans.

Instead, they’ve begun highlighting important character flaws for each candidate, namely, how Barack Obama’s a fag who likes to bro down with dumb jocks but can never quite relate to them. Mmmm…STEAK-UMMS!

Recently, one of his old boyfriends, John Edwards, joined him in Michigan for a much needed endorsement. Remember him? He campaigned way back in the Stone Age. Edwards simply loves a nice blue-collar boy. And those guys cream for him, too. Moments before their love fest, Barack wanted a fix of some bro and headed to a Chrysler Plant. The fool! WHY OH WHY didn’t he take my advice and avoid any possible stunt to seem manly. Stick with basketball, not silly Urkel glasses and fluorescent green Ipod headphones, Barry. And sweetie, honey, darling, when you prance around an industrial town and refer to a reporter as Sweetie, you seem more Absolutely Fabulous than Absolut Brut. Sassy won’t beat back the Republicans, get a little heated.

Rather then simply ignoring the reporter, he broke down like a sensitive boyfriend and left the ballsy woman a message:

Oh, it’s Barack, SO not answering THAT call.

“Hi Peggy. This is Barack Obama. I’m calling to apologize on two fronts. One was you didn’t get your question answered and I apologize…Second apology is for using the word ’sweetie.’ That’s a bad habit of mine. I do it sometimes with all kinds of people. I mean no disrespect and so I am duly chastened on that front. Feel free to call me back. I expect that my press team will be happy to try to make it up to you whenever we are in Detroit next.”

All kinds of people, eh? I thought sweetie was only reserved for your pack of pet Pekingese pups, a/k/a The Lady Di Club or was it just Michelle? And I am sure you and Edwards duly chastened each other enough before your reunion. Seriously? Duly Chastened? How peculiar, old chap! Someone with heft and punch needs to step in and give him some pointers. I recommend he just bypass the entire Democratic nominating process and bring in a surly VP now, which at this point should just be an exhumed Ronald Reagan corpse, that’ll show Amerika how serious you are about Change and bringing everyone together. The Gipper was no appeaser and knew exactly how to grit his teeth and stand up to his enemies.

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