Last week I cashed in all my Marlboro Camel dollars and scored a trip with reporters aboard Hillary Clinton’s airplane. And I have to say, I may be an Obama supporter but the junior Senator from New York has certainly become more of person whom I can relate to, namely, she marries her DRUNK with the EEMS. That said, what follows is a transcript of of my trip:

Hillary: Weeeeeeeee! *hick* I’m so glad we’re besties. You win. I win. This’s been one, weeeeeee—wait, wheres my cellphone? Wow. It’s been one helluva primary, right, Health Care?

Reporter: Ms. Clinton, what will you do now that you’ve lost the race by all possible metrics?

RACE. Yes, can we just talk about race again, *hick* not that I have, there’s anything wrong with his race, but my friends–hey, who has a light? My supporters know what a race is and they won’t have any of his race. Hey, who needs health care?

So you admit that most of your supporters are just white middle to lower class blue-collar—

*Hick* Hey. I ALREADY HAVE A PLAN. The middle class. Mmm.

You know what I’m saying? I’m a store. No. Ha! Did you hear what I just said? A STORE, ha ha. No, I will restore America’s class, middle class. After the Bush, the white man needs to succeed in an economy that doesn’t come from Inja.

Ms. Clinton, could we talk about the War—

Oh come! Now, I KNOW We won the war: Hitler is Dead. YAY, I killed Hitler! Drink up!

Seriously, Ms. Clinton, What—

Whoops! You say Clinton. We take another shot!

I TOLD YOU. Are those loafers, ha! prissy. THE PLAN. What is with this guy? *hick* PLAN. When I’m a President, my plan promotes independence from the oil. No more global warming! Hug a bear! Have you heard about me “Connie Mae” program. Who wants a home! yay! i love Oprah. Wait, no I don’t.

Connie Mae, right, that allows for middle or low income people to buy green homes?

Whoops! Wait. What’s that. OOH! TINKLE TIME!

[photos via Wonkette]

One Response to “Happy Hours, or Months”

1. charlie m Says:
   June 4th, 2008 at 12:17 pm

   I wanna join your fanclub too. Great satire, as always.

   [reply this comment]

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