Because apparently my sense of humor for these winterlong updates on GMSC seem to be geared towards unspeakable, horrible acts of child abuse, I spent the evening yesterday looking at videos following exactly this theme with one of my favorite people in the world and past GMSC contributor, Elliott. Considering the hilarity of “sweet daddy bear” and lickable children, I decided I needed to share the following videos and in the process prove without a doubt that I am a horrible person. I think I’m going to just chalk these recent themes up to Seasonal Affective Disorder and leave it at that.

Elliott: totally a companion piece to Sweet Daddy Bear

me: “when was the last time you had sex with anyone! That was an evil occasion, wasn’t it!”
Elliott: IT WAS AN EVIL OCCASION!!!!!!
I’m going to start screaming that at people.
me: HAHAHAHA
Elliott: I kind of love him.
Especially that little dance he does at the 3 minute mark.
me: me too
it was an evil occasion is soooo good
Elliott: good times!
that’s right up there with “excuse my beauty!”
me: totes!
Elliott: and “He bite me in my bagina!”
me: totes
“little bites”
Elliott: I love crazy bagina lady.
Pronouncing vagina as “bagina” is automatically hilarious.

After the jump, more examples of why I need to either be sent to the gas chamber or have a frontal lobotomy.  Read More!

Did you guys see Obama usher in the era of change.gov yesterday? It was great and all, but I was mostly just wondering if Aretha Franklin’s hat will start appearing in the hottest club kid fashions this year.

But even in this time of change.gov and amazing bedazzled hats, there are still mothers getting outraged and thinking about the children. This Canadian mother, Trina Campbell, is not so happy with BUTT magazine right now. Did you know that some people might consider BUTT magazine pornography? And that they sell it at such family friendly organizations as American Apparel? It’s not like American Apparel has a reputation for employing coke head wastoids. Also American Apparel ads are the pinnacle of good taste and family values. You’ve seen them right?

So why is it that Trina thinks publications with images such as the following (of my lovely friend Ethan featured on the BUTT blog) need to be wrapped in yellow plastic with a text explaining that this is for readers 18 and up?

Do you think that if a similar scandal happened in the United States soon that Barack Obama will protect our rights to show our body parts as however we want in whatever publications? Do you think that Trina would have taken offense had this been a heterosexual publication? Do you think American Apparel should discriminate by censoring nudity aimed at homosexuals featuring men who like men while still maintaining a brand image largely aimed at heterosexual hipsters which feature females in compromising positions? Most importantly, were you able to spot my butt in the most recent issue #25 of BUTT magazine?

Really hope Barack Obama will unite us in one nation under intelligent hipster porn, guys. Laterz. Gonna go to AmerApar later today and get some new underwear I think. They have so many colors!

This is really just some sick, sick shit.

[via A Poor Wayfaring Stranger]

If only I could be that flexible, then maybe I could land a “sweet daddy bear.”

Have you all seen this? Because the person who started this themed tumblr is a genius. Witness Fuck Yeah! Ryan Gosling.

According to a fake quote from Orson Wells, he is “The most bromantic actor in the history of the world.”

I can’t help but agree, so I made my own Ryan Gosling meme pix.

But afterwards, we engaged in some hardcore shit.

Love you 4ever, Ryan.

[site via Jezebel]

Because I am the queen of the Gabe ‘n Jenny fan club, I can’t help but love and admire their new series, “Bestie by Bestie.” In this episdode, they ask the very important question, “Whose dad would you f*ck?”

“Bestie by Bestie” #2 from Gabe & Jenny.

Hmmmm. Maybe I’d do that silver fox on Gossip Girl, Bart Bass?

JK! I’d totes do Rufus first.

Last night I was watching Logo. Because it’s a homosexual station and I am a homosexual. Also, the televised version of Angels in America was on, and I think Tony Kushner’s gay fantasia is one of the most important pieces of theater in the past century. I can tell that Logo is a station for me because it shows the following types of ads during the commericial breaks:

I feel so represented!!1!!1! Guys from Spain are always soooo interesting. If I had a “type,” I would say my “type” is “interesting.”

Point is some in house ad came on with Varla Jean Merman where she talks about how it’s National Drag Month and that I should care for some reason. First I was offended, because in my head I thought it was February and that Logo was trying to steal Black History Month for drag queens/kings. Then my acid flashback ceased, and I realized it’s January and calmed down. While I don’t really think drag merits a “history month” and would be happier to see a National Transpeople’s Month, it did get me thinking — if I were to do drag what would my drag name be?

For porn, I’ve already decided that the funniest porn name possible is Daikon Radish. For one it’s a vegetable and lacks any overt innuendo, but when you think about it it’s basically a large dildo that is the size of something you’d see someone at The Eagle sit down on.  Also, it’s healthy! Also a title screen that scrolled text along the lines of “Slutty Summer 8: One Blew His Wad Over the Cuckoo’s Nest starring Daikon Radish” is super funny to me. Best. Porn. Name. Ever.

But if I was to do drag? I’m thinking maybe Babooshka. Because of the following video (just wait for it, you’ll see why):

Kate Bush is such a genius that she both can create a modern dance where a cello represents the “husband” in the song and that babooshka no longer means a Russian grandmother, but rather a weird Caligula inspired sex kitten with crazy back lighting. Basically I think if I did drag I would want to represent the same sort of inane, asynchronous ethic.

But really, what would my drag name be?

I made this (meaning I produced this).

Enjoy, ya’ll. The player sometimes has a lag so be patient. It’s a full half hour episode. Also check out Make ‘Em Laugh, the series this belongs to.

[photo from BUTT MAGAZINE]

I do what (and whom) I choose with my butt, and I want the whole world to know!

Well, that’s not necessarily true, but if it were, I’d finally have a forum to share TMI that didn’t cost $24.95 per month.

But now, it seems, I do!  In fact, I can finally scrape up the pride I [never] left curbside, among the chucked slushees and free condoms at the parade in P-Town, and do something with it.  I can help gay activist Trever Hoppe curate his new project, The Bottom Monologues.

“The Bottom Monologues is all about…telling gay/bi/queer/trans men’s stories about bottoms. As collaborators, we have some ideas about our own experiences, but we knew that to really do bottoms justice, we needed to get your stories straight from the tap.

What we want is your story. Unfiltered. And perhaps even uncut. Write a poem or a song. Stream of consciousness? Fantastic. Or even just plain old prose. Whatever style works best for you, works best for us!”

Not only is this a cleverly furtive approach to creating “gay” art without shying away from, y’know, graphic content (dicks in butts, y’all!), but it’s also refreshingly devoid of sensationalism.  Without being overly sensitive (read:  a lesbo) about it,  Hoppe is spearheading an idea — one that could, indeed, be considered precarious in its nature — with a sense of boy-next-door charm, thus denying it the type of naughty novelty flavor that free gay weeklies would kill to cover (if only The Bottom Monologues were stamped with a picture of a twink — eyebrows tweezed like the dickens — holding a book over his buttcrack and a pinky at the mouth).

But even more awesome about The Bottom Monologues is that they’re probably going to make Eve Ensler — the creator of The Vagina Monologues — reeeeeeally angry.

I’m not really one to try and do “year end round ups” like most blogs, mostly because my cultural memory only spans around 2 weeks. But this song that just came to my attention on the last day of 2k8 may win all the GMSC year end awards I am not giving out.

Muffy “Gone Hate”

[via JJS III at It’s The Money Shot]

Since my blog buddy JJS III posted his with a chat conversation recording the reaction, I’m just going to follow along with that meme. Of course the convo was with my now Gawker famous bestie Erin Williams (see her blog at Steeez) who is not on The City but is way cooler than the pouting “downtown girl” that hangs with Whitney Port. To those uninitiated in the world of RSS, we share things with eachother via Google Reader.

me:  OMG
YOU NEED TO SEE WHAT I JUST SHARED
Erin:  ok!
me:  MUFFY “Gone Hate”
new fave song
Erin:  wow.
me:  yeah
yeah
yeah
i like… hyperventilated
it’s soooooo good
Erin:  when.
she.
get.
pb&j.
in the bathtub.
me:  these bitches they hate cuz I just put my new weave in

There are few things I will miss about 2008. 2008 was like a weird year that just extended 2007 for twice the time. It’s almost like 2008 didn’t happen. Looking forward to 2009 when we all get to realize change.gov that matters.

But there is one thing I will miss. And that thing is Sparks. Sparks Light (in the blue can) to be specific. Like this one time? We made a weird music video with me and my friends to the song “Careless Whisper”? And we made a Sparks keg by pouring a ton of it into a ice tea container? And all got disgusted because the foam that came off the container was solid and wouldn’t dissolve, much like sea foam on the beach. That was when I learned to only drink the stuff out of a can. And now, as most of you have heard, the Attorney General has declared that we can no longer imbibe of this holy water for hipsters.

[img via Hipster Runnoff]

Now no one has memorialized Spark quite like artist Nathan Danilowicz, with his Sparks Christ, Baby Sparks Christ, Sparks Teeth, and other Sparks based projects, but I will do my best. So now, a poem:

Sparks, like a light in the dark
You keep me up all night
Like the song of the lark

I drink you in the early evening
So awake
Ready to go to a bar
And be irresponsible

You are orange
Like a tabby cat
Or a street sign that flashes “Stop”
Hope my insides turn that color

Whoops
Someone is in my bed
Condom lies on floor
Good job, Sparks
Tastes like success

How can I live without?
I can haz Sparks? I can’t haz. Fail.

When I am at the pearly gates
I will ask St. Peter for one last Sparks
And find you there
A can with wings and a halo
Red Bull can suck it