I Can Love Whoever I Want The Mission Is Equality… Also Maybe A Drag Queen

Posted on September 18th, 2009 by Colin
1 Comment »

How do you guys feel about Andrew Sullivan? Do you read him?

I used to not like him so much, taking him to be more of a conservative stick in the mud, frumpy, complaining bear of a gay. But in the most recent couple of years, I have really warmed up to him and like him more every day. Ever since the possibility of equality of gays and lesbians has become more real in recent years, I find him to be a great source of inspiration when it comes to defining the complicated concepts of gay solidarity in our current era.

He recently wrote a really great piece centered around a quote from Neil Patrick Harris in New York magazine, mostly concerning the tug of war between assimilating to straight culture and maintaining a radical queer culture. On this blog (where I have butted heads with a fellow writer here in the past) and elsewhere, I’ve always been one to argue that gay rights is not just about letting housebroken gay couples in the suburbs have their quiet life and children as much as it is about allowing the flag waving queen on the pride float the opportunity to have a family without either of them changing who they are. The way I see it, the only thing that “sets back a movement” is our inability to embrace the queens, glitter freaks, trans boys, and others who deviate from the mainstream as real people that deserve the opportunity to have a family, even if that family might seem weird to someone else. I mean, there’s no laws preventing a snake dancer and the guy who puts nails up his nose from getting married, so people who think two guys dancing on a float covered in glitter once a year is somehow “anti-family” are just finding ways to rationalize their homophobia.

So obviously I found particular inspiration in the following quote:

The simple truth is that a lot of closeted gay people out there need and yearn for representatives who seem straighter or more “normal” than some gays. And the difficult task is to accept that and be glad for it but never to forget that there is no cultural or personal criterion for civil rights or toleration. In my own defense of masculine gays, there is an embedded injunction: “Leave No Drag Queen Behind.” Playing favorites with the majority culture is both demeaning in a way, and misleading. Everyone is a shade or two away from normal; and the pied beauty of humanity should not be carved into acceptable and unacceptable based on things that simply make us who we are.

But, enough with the serious talk. I’m not really a deep person and should stop pretending.

Obviously the real purpose of this post is far more silly and shallow. I mean, don’t you think the motto “No Drag Queen Left Behind” could make a really good premise for a fierce cinematic experience? I sure do.

nodragqueenbehind

Retaygay How Do You Say, “Dropping The Kids Off At The Pool”?

Posted on September 10th, 2009 by Colin
1 Comment »

Rich over at fourfour just posted this clip from Sesame Street of kids shouting their favorite phrases to describe going to the bathroom, and I just shat my pants (pun very much intended!). And he’s right, this needs to go viral, so I’m going to repost with minimal commentary. I just love how ecstatic these kids are

Thank you Rich, for this gift to the digital online world.

Cruisin' CTRL+W33D Are The New Overlords of the Internet

Posted on September 10th, 2009 by Colin
2 Comments »

Please accept this formal apology for a lack of updates. I’ve been on vacation and despite his valient attempts fellow author Vagenius just hasn’t been able to finish writing anything. Before that I was frantically trying to update our blog software due to spam filter malfunctions (booooooring!!)

But you know what I have been doing while not online?

I watched a marathon of Bridezillas that re-introduced me to the darkness of humanity!

I failed at playing the Yeah Yeah Yeah’s “Maps” maps on the medium difficulty level!

I had a picnic with a cat on a leash!

Oh, and I also went to Provincetown and got some much needed relaxation and sun. I got enough sun that my buddy Marlon told me I look latino. That must be why they call me El Papi Barracho at the deli down the street.

But most importantly, I’ve spent a lot of time looking at other people’s sites and blogs instead of updating my own. One site in particular has hypnotized me this entire summer and deserves a fierce shout out. A fierce shout out set to a mash-up of Ru-Paul’s “Cover Girl” and the theme song from “Chips” and it goes something like this:

I can’t get enough of CTRL + W33D. Srsly, guys, don’t be mad because they’re rad. I’ve been into these guys for about 6 months and am happy to finally have a reason to write them up.

ctrlweed

These guys are probably the best bunch of geniuses since the folks at Everything is Terrible. I mean…. they posted this which has been stuck in my brain and keeping me awake at night for the last two weeks and also sparked a sudden interest in the hilarity that is the Pomeranian breed.

dog3

Another ongoing meme they recently started that has me hot and bothered? Screenshots of Grindr. What happens when you combine desperation, constructed online personas, and Guys with iPhones? Really embarrassing Grindr conversations and pix. It almost makes me wish I had an iPhone so I could play along. It’s a source of endless hilarity and these guys totally nailed it.

BUTT magazine wrote them up on their blog a while ago, and east village DJ and nightlife personality Michael Magnan offers a nice succinct explanation to help better understand the site and how it’s a signifier of the apocalypse.

Since February 2009, anonymous Tumblr’s D.R., I.L., B.A., K.K., and J.G. have been collectively assembling a seemingly endless archive of hilarious, perverted and inebriated found images and video under the pseudonym CTRL + W33D. A mission statement addressed to one of the later-joining members classified its intentions as being a “totally NSFW…experiment in Anarchy and AIDS and Being High.”  For those of you growing up gay 3.0 on the internet, this visual morgue should help satiate your constant jones for getting lost in a matrix of google image search depravity.’ – Michael Magnan

I have my own way of explaining this blog that involves this recent conversation with a friend that I can only loosely transcribe from memory.

Friend: I was in this art history class, and the teacher was all “If Andy Warhole was alove today would he blog? And what would he blog about?
Me: He wouldn’t blog. He’d have a Tumblr.
Friend: Duhz. Teachers are such squares.

Basically CTRL+W33D feels like the ghost The Factory using the internet to digitally whisper into our present.

So, I suggest all of you take their big, hard RSS feed and stick it in your Google Reader. Once you learn to relax a little, there’s no way you’ll be dissapointed with how it makes you feel.

P.S. The guys at CTRL+W33D are also frequent contributors to Bears I’m Jealous Of which has me suspicious that I might only be a degree or two removed from their real life socializing. This has led to countless hours of recent internet stalking trying to figure out who they are. I’d appreciate any real clues or funny misinformation in the comments.

TV Is My Boyfriend Is Anyone Else Horribley Terrified By This Upcoming Show Addicted to Beauty?

Posted on August 19th, 2009 by Colin
2 Comments »

What the hell is up with this show on the Oxygen network, Addicted to Beauty? The posters in the subways these days are nearly an act of terrorism. Because while I hardly even understand what the show is about, when I see this image:

addictedtobeauty

All I see is this:

addicted-beauty-jocelyn

Which reminds me of a little story. About 6 years ago I dated a pattern maker who was just starting at Heatherette. He was a really sweet guy, I have nothing bad to say about him, and while he has since gone the way of party promoting, fashion gay, and I a very different route, I remember a little anecdote he told me.

Apparently Sophia Lamar, Amanda Lepore, and Jocelyn Wildenstein get t0gether once a week for brunch at B Bar. We used to fantasize about getting an invite to this exclusive brunch – I can’t imagine it would be anything short of amazing. With this as my inspiration, I wrote this compelling pitch to the producers at Oxygen.

Dear Producers at Oxygen,

Plz c0nsidr my reality sh0w Queer Plastic Surgery Brunch. It will be way better than Addicted to Beauty. Way m0re Laffs and Lolz. Cheaper to make t00.

Your BFF -

Colin

Tweens Yes, Miley Cyrus Scratches Her Mom’s Bug Bites

Posted on August 17th, 2009 by Colin
2 Comments »

I don’t know very much about Miley Cyrus. I have only heard one song, and the reason I heard it is because I wanted to see footage of tweens weeping (which is what happens in the music video). But did you know that she has a twitter? Also, that it’s really weird? A friend told me last night about this particular message she broadcast to her fans a while ago and I didn’t believe it until I tracked down the proof.

miley tweets

Gross? This is a verified account so we can safely say this was written my Miley herself.

This just raises so many questions and provides very few answers: What is a teenager doing in bed with her mom? Why is she scratching her mom’s bug bites? Why is her mother ok with that? Why is this something her PR allowed to be broadcast to her millions of followers? Is Miley Cyrus an alien from another planet?

Just like the number of licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop, I think the answers will always remain a mystery.

Cruisin' If Given The Opportunity, I Would Totally Penetrate This Twink

Posted on August 12th, 2009 by Vagenius
6 Comments »

Vagenius, also known as fellow creator of GMSC Eliot, occasionally stops by to give is opinions on various topics and guys he’d like to do. This is one of his posts. You can see all of them here:

Having not posted in a while, suffice it to say I’ve got a lot on my mind (and I know that Arch Noble and the Manhunt blog guy are just waiting with baited breath because, let’s face it, I’m CRAZY important, you guys).

However, this isn’t the time or place (okay, well, yes, it is the place) for me to spout rhetoric or wax philosphical about issues facing gender, sexuality, and queer identification.  Nah, you guys, today’s a different kind of day.  In fact, it’s a day I’ve declared The Day I Found A Twink I’d Like To Enter.

As a gentleman who fancies himself a fan of mostly the “bear-friendly” crowd (by which I mean dudes with facial scruff, body hair, deep voices, muscular legs, and tattoos – BONER TOWN, “POP.” ME!), the “twink” is a body type to which I virtually pay no attention.  Of course, the feeling is often mutual, but nevertheless, my wiener could tell you firsthand (yes, she talks!) that little is less appealing than a torso resembling that of a tween girl.  No.  Thanks.

HOWEVER, the power of dance has changed all that in thanks to Curtis, or MrTinydancer88 (duh #1), a young (duh #2), entirely hairless (duh #3) musical theater actor (duh #4, 5, and 6) who has taken to dancing shirtless (duh #7) on YouTube in videos that showcase his mindblowingly skillful ability to Booty Dance.   Like only the most savvy of the ghetto princesses who popularized the dance, this fag pops his ass, makes it bounce, and, in the process, makes me forget that he’s wearing a girl’s headband (duh #8), has a BELLY BUTTON PIERCING (duh #9), and is essentially beckoning for a gang bang (duh #10) in front of his best gal pal (duh #11).

It’s sick, it’s twisted, and I can’t believe I want him to take off his cutoff sweatpants (duh #12).

Cruisin' I Will One Day Get Ryan Gosling In My Room Where I Sleep

Posted on August 5th, 2009 by Colin
2 Comments »

I was busy catching up on my favorite little DIY podcast done by the lovely Dina and Laura over at Hey Girl Hey: A Podcast and just learned, while listening the the end of episode 27, about this little gem. Did you all know that Ryan Gosling was in a folk goth band called Dead Man’s Bones? Because I sure as hell didn’t. I guess this was big news back in late December?

Considering that the number one Google result this blog, which wrote up a crappy “love it or leave it” post and kind of looks like Boing Boing branded for the Sex in the City Gal (Miranda TOTALLY would read this. Let’s go get margs after work girls), I’m going to assume this is still fairly under the radar for any one who has any real taste or pizazz. People like me. I have pizazz and taste in case you didn’t know.

And I think this is kind of awesome? I don’t know if it’s just my  affinity for the use of children’s choirs in indie music or if I am truly listening to greatness.

Also, there’s this really sweet song.

DEAD MAN’S BONES – “NAME IN STONE” from biz3 publicity on Vimeo.

Ryan Gosling is officially number on in my pantheon of celebrity crushes from now on, as if his performance Half Nelson didn’t impress me enough. If I had his number I would totally sext him all the time.

Devo 2 Ur Emo What Would You Name Your Gay Adoption Baby?

Posted on July 31st, 2009 by Colin
2 Comments »

So this year I am too broke to go to lazy bear. This is ok partially because of the existence of Bears I’m Jealous Of, which I already saw a picture from one of the bars in Guerneville packed with large and in charge men. Love living vicariously!

But this time off, being broke a little too broke to fly away on vacation, has given me time to think. With all this gay marriage going around, we need to remember that the purpose of gay marriage is really to legitimize families. This includes your legitimizing your adopted kids, and we need to be responsible about naming them if we’re going to have them. I’ve been doing a bit of thinking about the whole process of pairing up, whether or not I want kids, and whether or not I would ever want kids enough to be a single father if I start to get old and still am not gay married. Also, in my refusal to blog about or see Bruno (because it looks stupid and boring, not because of GLAAD’s statement), I really needed a topic for this week.

I had a conversation last night with Erin of The Steeez and The Nudes last night about all the awesome names I could give my adopted baby.

Erin: I HAVE TO TELL YOU SOMETHING
decartes had a sexy fetish for… CROSS EYED WOMEN
why did i not know this in high school when i was reading him?????????
AHHHHH
me: that’s AWESOME
Erin: I KNOW FUCK
Erin: i’m naming my son rene
just in case he has bad eyes
me: I would probably name a child something like… hoyt or holden
Erin: fuck you. HOLDEN?
me: colby
Erin: COLBY
LIKE THE SHITTY CHEESE
name him TOME at least
name him Sheeps Tome Fitzpatrick
Grassy Meadow Tome Fitzpatrick
me: colby, middle name jack
I kind of always wanted to name a kid vestibule
vestibule fitzpatrick
Erin: OMG NO!!!!!!!! VESTIBULE??????? NOOOOOOOO
me: i think it’s awesome
Erin: I’m starting a nonprof called “colin can’t name a baby”
me: i’ll just name him pre-shredded sargento fitzpatrick
Erin: “Ourpassion Ischeese Fitzpatrick”
me: that’s awesome
Erin: why dont you just name it “data center linux fitzpatrick”?
me: omg, if it’s a girl, first name dot, middle name matrix
dot matrix fitzpatrick
Erin: you’re child will never, ever, ever, have sex
not even one time
me: i probably want a hippie name
like Zephyr
Aurora
Erin: i believe that “zephyr” was ruined as a word after in her shoes, the movie with biggie greek wedding and cammie diaz
Erin: “wagging her something head”
maybe not
but SOMETHING ruined zephyr
it may have been shakespeeeez but tevs, still a no
what about Wheat Germ Abraham Fitzpatrick
Kinda new, kinda jew
me: grape nuts fitzpatrick
L. Casei Immunitas Fitzpatrick
Kombucha Fitzpatrick
Erin: omg, wait
Novel Fitzpatrick
me: I LIKE THAT
Erin: WHY has no one named their kid that
me: Novel for a boy
Erin: it’s so bad it’s UNBELIEVABLE that it’s orig
Novel the boy and girl name…
Novel and
me: Crested Butte Fitzpatrick
Erin: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, nothing that’s too butt-y, people are already racist against you
me: Buttressed Roots Fitzpatrick
Erin: KSGBLSDGHLSDKGNSD
Archway Fitzpatrick
Erin: Dash Snow Fitzpatrick
Gauranteed Heroin Problem Fitpatrick
Problem Fitzpatrick
me: YES
Erin: DONT HAVE A DRUG BABY!!!!!!!!!!!
me: hahaha
problem fitzpatrick should be MY nickname
trouble fitzpatrick
Erin: OMG I GOT IT!!!!!!!
Lentil Fitzpatrick – your DAUGHTER!!!!!!!!
me: OMG I LOVE THAT
Erin: your daughter is so lentil
me: awesome erin
Erin: it’s not EXACTLY hippies, bc it has old school roots
your daughter Lentil is sooooo open minded and cool
i ask her what flannel to wear
me: she’s really a free spirit – like her daddy
Erin: i ask her if i can have a 3some with my bf

Seriously though, besides the name, did you guys notice that René Descartes HAD A FETISH FOR CROSS EYED WOMEN? These sorts of bites of trivia are what I love for.

Back on topic — What would you name your gay adopted baby?

For Serious, Guys What Is The Place and Purpose of Bareback Pornography?

Posted on July 22nd, 2009 by Colin
4 Comments »

This happened last week, and as per usual I am slow as hell blogging about it. Truth be told,  I was actually all fired up to tackle this and then got in a heated debate with a friend via Twitter (a horrible idea, but also kind of fun? 140 characters makes everything reductionist in an interesting way) and lost my fire. But it doesn’t change the relevancy of the topic!

Will Clark World was the first to report on the announcement from International Mr. Leather’s president Chuck Renslow. Renslow’s letter is re-posted below:

Dear Vendors:

On behalf of International Mr. Leather, Inc., I would like to thank you for
your past support and in particular for your participation as a vendor in
our annual Leather Market.  We are writing you today to inform you of
a policy change affecting next year (2010) and all future markets.

Though we are now three decades into the HIV/AIDS epidemic, no cure has been
found.  The CDC and local health officials inform us that new infections are on
the rise.  And, while we have had some success developing medications that
might make infection more manageable, that accomplishment comes at a price.
Not having experienced the deaths – the loss of loved ones — which preceded
these medications, we have an entire generation who may not fully appreciate or comprehend the severity of the situation.

Too many in our community believe HIV/AIDS is curable or manageable.  Too
few understand that HIV/AIDS infections dominate life.  We believe that it
is our duty to inform and educate.  Several years ago when “Meth” was the scourge of our community, IML drew a line in the sand and raised awareness and used all our influence to try and stop this addictive madness.  As is the case with HIV/AIDS, we believe it is our further obligation to do everything in our power to prevent future infections.

To that end, after considerable discussion, the Executive Committee of International Mr. Leather has decided that it will no longer allow participation in the IML Leather Market by any entity which promotes barebacking or distributes/sells any merchandise tending to
promote or advocate barebacking.  This restriction will also apply to distribution of gifts, post cards or any other information via our facilities.

This policy takes effect immediately.

Sincerely,

Chuck Renslow, President
International Mr. Leather

I personally think this is a great, bold move on their part. Some might liken it to censorship, and one commenter on Will Clark’s blog even compared it to Christians banning books. I have a hard time with this argument. I find bareback porn in direct conflict with health education, even if it does present what can and should be recognized as a fantasy scenario.

We live in a culture that lacks any sort of healthy sexual education, especially for LGBT people. I remember my first sex ed class. We were told “there are some people who sleep with members of the same sex” and that was it. This was in the early nineties,when AIDS activism and awareness was at its peak at a liberal school. I can only imagine the way our health issues and identities are ignored in more conservative classrooms.

As sad as it is, the majority of my education about gay sex came from looking at pornography. At the time, all that was easily available was studio porn where all the men used condoms. Pre-condom porn also was around, but it all looked dated and I didn’t relate it with the sort of media I saw around me at the time. Shag haircuts, mustaches, and natural looking bodies just didn’t match up with the emerging body types, hair cuts, and fashions I saw on TV. It was more difficulty to use as fantasy fodder since it felt like a different world than the one I lived in.

In college when I became sexually active, it just seemed natural to use condoms since that’s all I had ever really seen practiced. The guy I was first with was also a virgin at the time, but we still used condoms.  I even remember him asking if I had ever been tested (note: I had no reason at the time to get an HIV because I had never been sexually active). Condom use had been beaten into our brains through AIDS activists like Pedro, whose safer sex lectures and condom demonstrations on MTV and along with his presence on the Real World somehow somehow gave a face to the epidemic through mass media. On a more personal level, in eighth grade health class, we had an HIV positive man come and teach us how to put condoms on bananas and talk about his illness and prevention. Fear of disease as a consequence of homosexual desire was so ingrained in my adolescent brain that the idea of foregoing condoms, even in what was a safe situation when I was with a fellow virgin, didn’t feel like an option.

Fast forward to today. Barebacking porn is produced at 3 times the rate of porn that uses condoms. Instead of Pedro we now have Jack in Project Runway as the only HIV positive gay personality on TV, and he’s telling us how healthy he despite being HIV positive for 20 something years. Sexual education is in dire straights, as the CDC reports that lax educational initiatives seem to be possibly reversing the slow of HIV and other STDs that was in motion as I was growing up. While the information is all still available, the visibility and importance of practicing safer sex no longer has a place in popular media and most likely is not reaching kids in the classroom. It is definitely not reaching LGBT kids in the classroom, as our sex lives and health issues are generally not discussed in public classrooms.

So where are kids today getting their ideas about how to ‘do it’? I have a lot of difficulty believing that the increased visibility of bareback porn is having an effect on kids’ behavior. When interpreted as reality, these fantasy scenarios that fetishize unsafe sex have the potential to teach a lot of naive young men that AIDS and HIV is a thing of past instead of a reality we still need to deal with.

I don’t believe in censorship. I definitely don’t think this material should be banned. I just think certain ethical guidelines need to be put in place. It could really be something as simple as an FCC required health PSA before each scene. Many men can recognize that these are meant to depict fantasy and should be allowed to enjoy it. But those who might come from underserved communities regarding sex ed, LGBT health issues, and other situations where they might not know better — they need a reminder.

The truth is the health status of many of the models in bareback porn is questionable. I have difficulty watching bareback porn because it just reminds me of so many conversations I had while doing health outreach between 2002 and 2006. It’s impossible for me to put aside the reality. During that time I was an outreach worker for CHEST, an AIDS/HIV health and study center located in Chelsea. Bareback porn was just starting to become popular and debates around the office centered just how dangerous this was for the models. Even when it was two HIV positive models in the scene and seroconversion wasn’t an issue, many of them were running risks of creating new strains and drug resistant variations of the virus through re-infection. There needs to be an effort to make sure that the reality of these risks is known if people are going to consume this stuff as fantasy.

Until our education system is better, until people have better access to health, until a vaccine is developed, until, until, until… In my debates surrounding these issues it seems bareback supporters are afraid to attribute any current problems with safer sex practice in young gay communities with bareback porn. To what extent should porn consider it’s role in our community?  Should porn even have an ethical responsibility? I know my feelings on the matter, but does that make me some sort of fascist who should really place the blame elsewhere?

Eric Leven wrote a really great response. Even though he’s up on his high horse and some of his arguments rely on a certain amount of belligerence, I can’t help but agree with his analogies. I think that just like the ban on trans fat and the new requirements for fast food institutions to post caloric intakes, bareback porn companies should be held responsible for giving their viewers the information they need to make the decisions they feel are best, whether that means they’re going to say “Fuck it!” and eat that Big Mac, or say “Fuck it!” and copy the models they see having unprotected sex. Fortunately you can work off a Big Mac at the gym. Bad sexual decisions aren’t as forgiving.

All The News That's Fit To Fist The Bisexual Penguin Love Saga

Posted on July 15th, 2009 by Colin
3 Comments »

This is like a telenovela for the animal kingdom. I actually almost cried at the end.

The gay penguins of the San Francisco Zoo have split over a woman. Her name is Linda and she’s a whore if you ask me.

POOR PEPPER!!!!! I hope he still gets visitation rights for the kid.

[via Joe My God]

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