Remember when Madonna made a video called Truth or Dare and performed “Oh Father”?

Did you know that stereotype that gay men all suffer from horrible relationships with their fathers? I didn’t think it was true. But then YouTube proved me wrong. Apparently it’s a huge deal to post your one’s own rendition of “Oh Father” online if you’re a gay man. I don’t 100% understand it. If I was going to cover a song and post it on YouTube, I would cover something more like “Banana Phone”, which is a little more my pace.

But back on topic, “Oh Father” has been trending really hard apparently, and I’ve just been oblivious. Some of the best below:

Midwestern emo goth gay version:

Weird homemade movie about child molestation and abuse:

Indie gay:

Midi gay:

If you had to cover a song and post it to YouTube, what would it be?

By now you probably all of read the story in the New York Times Magazine by Benoit Denizet-Lewis about tweens coming out in middle school, right? What do you all think about these gay tweens?

I kinda think it’s great. I mean, really great. Generally middle school is a time when queer kids get depressed and hate most of the world, but not for these kids. Look at how fun their gay tween dance is!!!

Not that I don’t have my skepticism about an 11 year old’s ability to comprehend sexual identity, but as the article notes:

Still, the younger they are when they come out, the more that youth with same-sex attractions face an obstacle that would be unimaginable to their straight peers. When a 12-year-old boy matter-of-factly tells his parents — or a school counselor — that he likes girls, their reaction tends not to be one of disbelief, dismissal or rejection. “No one says to them: ‘Are you sure? You’re too young to know if you like girls. It’s probably just a phase,’ ” says Eileen Ross, the director of the Outlet Program, a support service for gay youth in Mountain View, Calif. “But that’s what we say too often to gay youth. We deny them their feelings and truth in a way we would never do with a heterosexual young person.”

Q: what kind of fucking asshole would I have to be to tell these kids they can’t know who they are?

A: One really big fucking asshole, the same kind that grows up and makes gay people’s lives miserable. So shut the fuck up and let them define themselves and figure this stuff out.

So even when I question the long term truth of the high number of kids in this article identifying so readily as bisexual, I chalk it up to “kids being kids” and discovering who they are. The fact that this generation even has a lexicon to identify queer sexual feelings is impressive, and, I think, very important. I can’t help but notice how AWARE these kids are of the fluidity of their own identities at this age, as one student, Alison, says, “We can’t even keep up with who’s gay or bi and who’s into who, and we go to school here!”

It seems like these kids might even be aware of some of issues that complicate adult queer life and identities. The following paragraph could pretty accurately describe any age group of queers in relation to mainstream society:

In particular, openly gay youth who are perceived as conforming to adolescent gender norms are often fully integrated into their peer and school social circles. Girls who come out as bisexual but are still considered “feminine” are often immune from harassment, as are some gay boys, like Laddie, who come out but are still considered “masculine.” “Bisexual girls have it the easiest,” Austin told me in Oklahoma. “Most of the straight guys at school think that’s hot, so that can make the girl even more popular.

I had so much internalized homophobia, it took me until after high school to come out. I have friends who didn’t come out until their mid 20s. I can’t help but wonder what sort of person I would be if I had spent middle school and high school somewhat well adjusted about myself and my sexuality. I laughed when Alison and Justin give Benoit a tour of the school to identify the gays and bisexuals with the terms “paws” and “woof” respectively, and end up speculating that their school is full of confused bisexuals and gays. Their behavior — these attempts to navigate the fairly complicated world of human sexuality — at 11 seems to mirror some of mine when I was 18. The world I grew up in seems alien in comparison, and I was lucky to grow up in a liberal area that had one of the ealier Gay Straight Alliances. My world in the 90s must have seemed pretty alien to the previous generation — the rate of change is astounding.

It’s really inspiring to be living at a time when a segment of the population, considered doomed to a life of loneliness, blamed for a worldwide epidemic, and told that part of who they are is a “choice” that condemns them to hell, can finally grow up, just maybe, feeling good about themselves and with the sort of emotional milestones during adolescence that are more easily experience by their straight counterparts. This starts to look like change I can believe in. It was enough to provoke a tear or two by the end of the article.

This optimism and these emotions could be just what the author wants me to feel. It’s hard to take stock in few case studies presented in this article when hate crimes towards trans, gays, and lesbians appears to be on the rise. There’s a lot of work to be done, and a couple case studies do not necessarily reflect a sea change in national attitudes.

It’s good to see that some things about the teen gay experience haven’t changes since my adolescence:

It’s not uncommon for gay youth to have their same-sex attraction discovered thanks to a rogue number on a phone bill or, more often these days, a poorly concealed Internet search history. “We see a lot of kids get outed by porn on the computer,” Tim Gillean told me in Tulsa. “I knew one kid who told his mom: ‘I don’t know how that got there. Maybe it was dad!’”

And we only had dial-up. I can only imagine what I would have been looking at if high speed connections had existed. Jesus, I would have got in trouble.

So the new season of Gossip Girl has been on for two weeks. People are saying the show has really gone downhill. You know what? I kinda agree. But I also don’t care. Because really, Gossip Girl is one of the only shows on television trying to really show how pervasive new media is in the way people socialize today. So yes, the show is ridiculous, but who the hell cares? Besides, I have a crush on the dreamy alterna-nerd Penn Badgely who plays Dan.

Anyways, what do you all think about this GG in college business? I mean, I think it offers a lot of opportunities for binge drinking, drug use, sexual escapades, drunk texting, sexting, and all the other great mistakes people make, but I am wondering if the show will really “go there.” I mean, I feel like they need to stop making it so “social rivalry” and make it a little bit more like Brandi and Monica’s “The Boy Is Mine.” You listening GG producers? Romantic rivalry always will play out more realistically once people are college aged.

However, I do hear in one aspect the show will go there. There’s gonna be a gay kiss and it’s gonna be with Chuck Bass.

So while I am not part of this crowd, most people have celebrity crushes on Nate Archibald and Chuck Bass, played respectively by Chase Crawford and Ed Westwick. Remember when the tabloids thought they might be gay together in real life? That was so silly! But inspired by the stories, some genius made a mash-up of Chuck and Nate clips set to a Magnetic Fields song. You can probably guess track they used.

Damn right it’s about time you tap that ass!

How do you guys feel about Andrew Sullivan? Do you read him?

I used to not like him so much, taking him to be more of a conservative stick in the mud, frumpy, complaining bear of a gay. But in the most recent couple of years, I have really warmed up to him and like him more every day. Ever since the possibility of equality of gays and lesbians has become more real in recent years, I find him to be a great source of inspiration when it comes to defining the complicated concepts of gay solidarity in our current era.

He recently wrote a really great piece centered around a quote from Neil Patrick Harris in New York magazine, mostly concerning the tug of war between assimilating to straight culture and maintaining a radical queer culture. On this blog (where I have butted heads with a fellow writer here in the past) and elsewhere, I’ve always been one to argue that gay rights is not just about letting housebroken gay couples in the suburbs have their quiet life and children as much as it is about allowing the flag waving queen on the pride float the opportunity to have a family without either of them changing who they are. The way I see it, the only thing that “sets back a movement” is our inability to embrace the queens, glitter freaks, trans boys, and others who deviate from the mainstream as real people that deserve the opportunity to have a family, even if that family might seem weird to someone else. I mean, there’s no laws preventing a snake dancer and the guy who puts nails up his nose from getting married, so people who think two guys dancing on a float covered in glitter once a year is somehow “anti-family” are just finding ways to rationalize their homophobia.

So obviously I found particular inspiration in the following quote:

The simple truth is that a lot of closeted gay people out there need and yearn for representatives who seem straighter or more “normal” than some gays. And the difficult task is to accept that and be glad for it but never to forget that there is no cultural or personal criterion for civil rights or toleration. In my own defense of masculine gays, there is an embedded injunction: “Leave No Drag Queen Behind.” Playing favorites with the majority culture is both demeaning in a way, and misleading. Everyone is a shade or two away from normal; and the pied beauty of humanity should not be carved into acceptable and unacceptable based on things that simply make us who we are.

But, enough with the serious talk. I’m not really a deep person and should stop pretending.

Obviously the real purpose of this post is far more silly and shallow. I mean, don’t you think the motto “No Drag Queen Left Behind” could make a really good premise for a fierce cinematic experience? I sure do.

Rich over at fourfour just posted this clip from Sesame Street of kids shouting their favorite phrases to describe going to the bathroom, and I just shat my pants (pun very much intended!). And he’s right, this needs to go viral, so I’m going to repost with minimal commentary. I just love how ecstatic these kids are

Thank you Rich, for this gift to the digital online world.

Please accept this formal apology for a lack of updates. I’ve been on vacation and despite his valient attempts fellow author Vagenius just hasn’t been able to finish writing anything. Before that I was frantically trying to update our blog software due to spam filter malfunctions (booooooring!!)

But you know what I have been doing while not online?

I watched a marathon of Bridezillas that re-introduced me to the darkness of humanity!

I failed at playing the Yeah Yeah Yeah’s “Maps” maps on the medium difficulty level!

I had a picnic with a cat on a leash!

Oh, and I also went to Provincetown and got some much needed relaxation and sun. I got enough sun that my buddy Marlon told me I look latino. That must be why they call me El Papi Barracho at the deli down the street.

But most importantly, I’ve spent a lot of time looking at other people’s sites and blogs instead of updating my own. One site in particular has hypnotized me this entire summer and deserves a fierce shout out. A fierce shout out set to a mash-up of Ru-Paul’s “Cover Girl” and the theme song from “Chips” and it goes something like this:

I can’t get enough of CTRL + W33D. Srsly, guys, don’t be mad because they’re rad. I’ve been into these guys for about 6 months and am happy to finally have a reason to write them up.

These guys are probably the best bunch of geniuses since the folks at Everything is Terrible. I mean…. they posted this which has been stuck in my brain and keeping me awake at night for the last two weeks and also sparked a sudden interest in the hilarity that is the Pomeranian breed.

Another ongoing meme they recently started that has me hot and bothered? Screenshots of Grindr. What happens when you combine desperation, constructed online personas, and Guys with iPhones? Really embarrassing Grindr conversations and pix. It almost makes me wish I had an iPhone so I could play along. It’s a source of endless hilarity and these guys totally nailed it.

BUTT magazine wrote them up on their blog a while ago, and east village DJ and nightlife personality Michael Magnan offers a nice succinct explanation to help better understand the site and how it’s a signifier of the apocalypse.

Since February 2009, anonymous Tumblr’s D.R., I.L., B.A., K.K., and J.G. have been collectively assembling a seemingly endless archive of hilarious, perverted and inebriated found images and video under the pseudonym CTRL + W33D. A mission statement addressed to one of the later-joining members classified its intentions as being a “totally NSFW…experiment in Anarchy and AIDS and Being High.”  For those of you growing up gay 3.0 on the internet, this visual morgue should help satiate your constant jones for getting lost in a matrix of google image search depravity.’ – Michael Magnan

I have my own way of explaining this blog that involves this recent conversation with a friend that I can only loosely transcribe from memory.

Friend: I was in this art history class, and the teacher was all “If Andy Warhole was alove today would he blog? And what would he blog about?
Me: He wouldn’t blog. He’d have a Tumblr.
Friend: Duhz. Teachers are such squares.

Basically CTRL+W33D feels like the ghost The Factory using the internet to digitally whisper into our present.

So, I suggest all of you take their big, hard RSS feed and stick it in your Google Reader. Once you learn to relax a little, there’s no way you’ll be dissapointed with how it makes you feel.

P.S. The guys at CTRL+W33D are also frequent contributors to Bears I’m Jealous Of which has me suspicious that I might only be a degree or two removed from their real life socializing. This has led to countless hours of recent internet stalking trying to figure out who they are. I’d appreciate any real clues or funny misinformation in the comments.

What the hell is up with this show on the Oxygen network, Addicted to Beauty? The posters in the subways these days are nearly an act of terrorism. Because while I hardly even understand what the show is about, when I see this image:

All I see is this:

Which reminds me of a little story. About 6 years ago I dated a pattern maker who was just starting at Heatherette. He was a really sweet guy, I have nothing bad to say about him, and while he has since gone the way of party promoting, fashion gay, and I a very different route, I remember a little anecdote he told me.

Apparently Sophia Lamar, Amanda Lepore, and Jocelyn Wildenstein get t0gether once a week for brunch at B Bar. We used to fantasize about getting an invite to this exclusive brunch – I can’t imagine it would be anything short of amazing. With this as my inspiration, I wrote this compelling pitch to the producers at Oxygen.

Dear Producers at Oxygen,

Plz c0nsidr my reality sh0w Queer Plastic Surgery Brunch. It will be way better than Addicted to Beauty. Way m0re Laffs and Lolz. Cheaper to make t00.

Your BFF -

Colin

I don’t know very much about Miley Cyrus. I have only heard one song, and the reason I heard it is because I wanted to see footage of tweens weeping (which is what happens in the music video). But did you know that she has a twitter? Also, that it’s really weird? A friend told me last night about this particular message she broadcast to her fans a while ago and I didn’t believe it until I tracked down the proof.

Gross? This is a verified account so we can safely say this was written my Miley herself.

This just raises so many questions and provides very few answers: What is a teenager doing in bed with her mom? Why is she scratching her mom’s bug bites? Why is her mother ok with that? Why is this something her PR allowed to be broadcast to her millions of followers? Is Miley Cyrus an alien from another planet?

Just like the number of licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop, I think the answers will always remain a mystery.

Vagenius, also known as fellow creator of GMSC Eliot, occasionally stops by to give is opinions on various topics and guys he’d like to do. This is one of his posts. You can see all of them here:

Having not posted in a while, suffice it to say I’ve got a lot on my mind (and I know that Arch Noble and the Manhunt blog guy are just waiting with baited breath because, let’s face it, I’m CRAZY important, you guys).

However, this isn’t the time or place (okay, well, yes, it is the place) for me to spout rhetoric or wax philosphical about issues facing gender, sexuality, and queer identification.  Nah, you guys, today’s a different kind of day.  In fact, it’s a day I’ve declared The Day I Found A Twink I’d Like To Enter.

As a gentleman who fancies himself a fan of mostly the “bear-friendly” crowd (by which I mean dudes with facial scruff, body hair, deep voices, muscular legs, and tattoos – BONER TOWN, “POP.” ME!), the “twink” is a body type to which I virtually pay no attention.  Of course, the feeling is often mutual, but nevertheless, my wiener could tell you firsthand (yes, she talks!) that little is less appealing than a torso resembling that of a tween girl.  No.  Thanks.

HOWEVER, the power of dance has changed all that in thanks to Curtis, or MrTinydancer88 (duh #1), a young (duh #2), entirely hairless (duh #3) musical theater actor (duh #4, 5, and 6) who has taken to dancing shirtless (duh #7) on YouTube in videos that showcase his mindblowingly skillful ability to Booty Dance.   Like only the most savvy of the ghetto princesses who popularized the dance, this fag pops his ass, makes it bounce, and, in the process, makes me forget that he’s wearing a girl’s headband (duh #8), has a BELLY BUTTON PIERCING (duh #9), and is essentially beckoning for a gang bang (duh #10) in front of his best gal pal (duh #11).

It’s sick, it’s twisted, and I can’t believe I want him to take off his cutoff sweatpants (duh #12).

I was busy catching up on my favorite little DIY podcast done by the lovely Dina and Laura over at Hey Girl Hey: A Podcast and just learned, while listening the the end of episode 27, about this little gem. Did you all know that Ryan Gosling was in a folk goth band called Dead Man’s Bones? Because I sure as hell didn’t. I guess this was big news back in late December?

Considering that the number one Google result this blog, which wrote up a crappy “love it or leave it” post and kind of looks like Boing Boing branded for the Sex in the City Gal (Miranda TOTALLY would read this. Let’s go get margs after work girls), I’m going to assume this is still fairly under the radar for any one who has any real taste or pizazz. People like me. I have pizazz and taste in case you didn’t know.

And I think this is kind of awesome? I don’t know if it’s just my  affinity for the use of children’s choirs in indie music or if I am truly listening to greatness.

Also, there’s this really sweet song.

DEAD MAN’S BONES – “NAME IN STONE” from biz3 publicity on Vimeo.

Ryan Gosling is officially number on in my pantheon of celebrity crushes from now on, as if his performance Half Nelson didn’t impress me enough. If I had his number I would totally sext him all the time.