So I know you all have been really emo over Susan Boyle as of late. Yes, her performance was great. Yes, she’s a 47 year old virgin. And yes, some sleazy company in Cali has given her a million dollar porn deal (which is totally the grossest thing I can imagine). But what I need to know, why these guys over in Sweden’s version of the show aren’t getting noticed in all the _______ Has Talent hype these days.

Dear Knäckebröddansen -

You have proven true talent. You are more than just naked boys singing. May you rise out of Susan Boyle’s shadow and claim your own right in internet viral video history and find immortality in the realm of online memes.

Your true fan -

Al Gore
Creator of the Internet

Not that I am one to laugh at celebrities injuring themselves (I am one to laugh at celebrities injuring themselves), but did you hear? Madonna was thrown from a horse! And she’s blaming the paparazzi!  [full story here at Hamptons.com]:

Bridgehampton - The pop star Madonna was released from Southampton Hospital Saturday afternoon after suffering minor injuries and bruises from a fall while horseback riding at photographer Steve Klein’s West Kill Farm in Bridgehampton. According to accounts which are now being disputed, a freelance photographer startled the horse Madonna was riding when he reportedly emerged from a hedgerow to snap a photograph.

According to press accounts, publicist Liz Rosenberg relayed the incident in a statement claiming Madonna’s horse was startled by paparazzi. The freelance photographer in question has countered that his view was obstructed from where he parked on Scuttle Hole Road and since he did not have a clear shot he opted to leave. Upon seeing an ambulance arrive at the scene he reportedly returned to take a photograph.

Let us count the ways that this story is ridiculous:

1) She was at Steven Klein’s estate. Steven Klein might be most famous for his ridiculous (yet sexy?) photos in L’Uomo Vogue. Like that time he dressed up Aaron Carter like a club kid from the 90s? He wishes he could be styled as fresh as the original club kids, the “cutest things” ever to appear on the Joan Rivers show!

This is the company Madonna keeps? This guy is still photographing her alongside the hunks (i.e. the Brad Pitt shoot for Troy a couple years back) and twinks he usually photographs. He’s even photographed her with horses before and just recent shot her with her young Brazilian lover in some scenes that seem very reminiscent of Truth or Dare. I can’t think of anyone photographer more appropriate for an aging gay icon to be hanging out with. And then for this fantasy lifestyle to end with her face down in the mud bucked from a horse? Priceless. It’s the sort of stuff that could inspire a Marilyn Minter painting.

2) The name of the street the photographer is alleged to have ducked into is “Scuttle Hole Road” and all it makes me think of is the term “scuttlebutt”. A paparazzo working for a gossip rag hanging out on Scuttlebutt Road is like the most obvious set up for short storytoy wrote for your seventh grade english honors class. You got a C+. Read More!

Hey! GMSC is entering a new era! We’re podcasting! (What year is it again? 2003? I hear the podcasting is really hip and new and fresh)

In this flagship first episode of GMSC: A Podcast in Crisis Eliot (aka the author Vagenius here) and I talk about the most important topics of the week - The Hipster Grifter, weeping emo tweens, masturbation, auto-fellatio and the contortionists at Cirque du Soleil, the horror of manchattan.blogspot.com, Rudy Huxtable and strippers at Urge, my excitement over watching Club Vampire this week.

Also this awesome video:

Download our podcast from out podomatic page here!

What’s with this? Can we post nothing on this blog these days that doesn’t get removed due to copyright violations? The best response to the NOM gay marriage ad, the remix featuring it’s raining men created by our buddy Arch Noble,was pulled by YouTube this week for “copyright violation.” Yeah, whatever bigots. Rachel Maddow had something to say about this behavior, because NOM recently pulled one of Rachel’s own segments:

But you know what works and is legitimately fair use? Parody. Stephen Colbert made his own ad. Try and take this down NOM!

Do you all know Scott Matthew? Because you should know this guy. His music is beautiful, he was a featured musician in Shortbus (a movie that I participated in as well… in.. ahem… a very different capacity) and for some reason for the 12 years he’s been making music in the US still doesn’t seem to have more than a cult following.

Is it because he has a huge beard? Do people just mistake him for being some disaffected hipster? Whatever it is, ya’ll need to get over it and give his music a listen. You’ll thank me for the recommendation if you aren’t already a huge fan. The reality is that he’s an incredible sweet genuine person who makes great, heartfelt music.

This last March he put a music video online by Annkatrin Hausmann, and it’s a beautiful exploration of queer love set to the first track from his self titled 2008 release, “Amputee.”

If that doesn’t touch your heart, this is probably the only guy who can reach it.

Remember that stupid ad that made no sense (still don’t understand why str8 people think gay marriage affects their lives in any meaningful way)? Well our blog buddy Arch Noble (his blog is NSFW, fyi) has made something pretty fucking amazing. Have we got news for you!

Epic win! Some who advocate for same sex marriage have taken the issue far beyond same sex couples, because the street’s the place to go. Leave those umbrellas at home!

Guys. This blog has been having problems. First “She’s a Talker” gets taken offline, then Christopher Walken is ousted from Twitter for being a fake account. Why can’t we all share in the communal online discussion that is the internet? I hate that the digital world is so fragile sometimes.

But are you ready to get your mind blown? Let’s hope this next video doesn’t disappear from the wild world wide web.

Witness 1982’s “I am an Animal” by JaJaJa. Julie Taymor wishes she was this awesome, but compared to the innovation in this video, she’s just an overpaid hack. I mean, their outfits even give Grace Jones a run for her money.

From what I gathered, these lunatics released a self titled LP, and a single called “Katz Ra,” and a 12″ that was also self titled. And nothing else. I believe this video is from a VHS tape released by their first label, Ata Tak records. Then they flew away to a beautiful no-wave dance hall in the sky (I have a feeling it looked like Koalawalla Land), because they seriously just seem to dissapear and there’s almost no information about them online.

Not to get suddenly dark, but fingers crossed that they didn’t disappear due to the AIDS epidemic, as is the case with so many of the great cultural producers during that time. I’m hoping that they just realized that they couldn’t top their VHS work. Any information any of you readers have is much appreciated.

Did you know that the URL chokerz4men.com exists? My friend Gabe just pointed it out. I thought it would be this:

But it’s actually this:

If Bang Bang was still a store in Chelsea, they’d  totally stock this shit. There’s even a grouping of styles called “Elegance.” I can think of nothing more elegant than a the adult equivalent of a charm bracelet. It’s perfect for a night out on the town, to say… Buddakan or Arena when you come in on the weekends to Penn Station on the LIRR.

These chokers will also go great with that thong that has a platinum clasp in the back which spells out S-E-X-Y above your butt that you ordered from International Male in 1998. Wish that style wasn’t discontinued. I need it one for Fire Island this summer.

Have you guys seen this site ChristWire? It’s pretty wacky. Not sure if it’s an MFA student’s thesis on exploring extreme Christian communities online (meant to be read ironically by the more educated classes) or actually written by real people who believe what they write. A little sad that we live in an age when stupid people might be able to customize their own blog installs. Kind of wish extreme Christians would just stick to their Geocities On a Hill.

Anyways, They just published this story two days ago:

Gay Son Rebels By Drawing Penis on Parents Roof
March 25, 2009, posted by Tyson Bowers III

Here is a prime example of home homosexuals have no respect for anything that isn’t sugar plummed with anal sin.

A young boy decided to paint a penis on his families home to show his support and love for other men. I want to know why this young man felt the need to violate his parent’s property with such sin and vulgarity. Did he feel like if he embarrassed his family that they would except his choice to be a twiddle rompus worshiper?

I wish stoning was still legal, because I would love it if his parents tied his anus loving mouth to a stake and throw stones at his sin filled body until he stopped breathing. Then he could join Satan in hell!

To all that find this photo funny, I tell you this. One day it’s large twinkies drawn on top of a families house and then the next it will be photos of gay men raping young children on billboards if you keep accepting this form of propaganda.

Yes. Clearly, no straight frat boy has ever drawn a penis on anything, not his drunk friend’s  face, a bathroom stall, anywhere. Heterosexual frat boys never subscribe to immature penis humor. It is only the gays. And we draw these penises to show people how much we love them and to indoctrinate young minds. That is the ONLY reading of a prank of this magnitude. This is because all drawings of penises are “sugar plummed with anal sin,” and the sugar plum sin faeries dance in my “twiddle rompus worshiper” dreams at night. My “anus loving mouth” can’t wait to spread this “propoganda” everywhere!!1!!1!

Tyson Bowers III, I think you should know better than to think that any parents would ever stone their child to death, and know enough to know what a horrible person you are for even suggesting that. You are a hateful Christian. With your current beliefs there’s a nice spot reserved for you in the outer ring of Circle 7 with the Minotaur, the part reserved for those who are violent to their neighbors. Dante’s Inferno! Get it? That’s YOU drowning in the boiling hot river of blood and getting stabbed by centaurs! That joke’s about as good as yours about stoning still being legal (because it never was legal in the US, stupid jerk).

It looks like Google Ads is having a nice laugh in the face of Tyson’s hate filled intentions:

In all reality though, I should thank you for introducing new creative word combinations that describe faggotry into my vocabulary.

I love Zelda Rubenstein. She’s probably one of my favorite character actresses in Hollywood. Until last week, I was under the impression that she had died recently, shortly after her cameo in the totally underrated Southland Tales, a movie with perhaps the strangest cast ever. But I was wrong! She had only fallen and hurt herself and is currently in a wheelchair. The woman is 75, alive, and kickin’! Ever since I found this out, I’ve been kind of obsessed with keeping tabs on her activity. I’m really concerned about her health and want her to make some more movies where she summons ghosts and is generally supernatural and creepy.

On top of being a talented, dare I say iconic, character actress, did you know the lady can cook? Here’s a video of her at a benefit cooking her ABC (apple banana curry).

Eat! Cross over, children! All are welcome! All are welcome!

In all truth though… apple banana curry sounds kind of nasty. Whatever, I’ll eat anything Zelda cooks for me.