Recently I was discussing how great it would be to make a parody of “Video Phone” called “Rotary Phone”

So spin it round, hear it clickin’
On my rotary phone
Dial up grandma
Ring her on my rotary phone
You gotta speak up
Yell into my rotary phone
On my rotary, rotary
Hear me spin and click on my rotary phone

So being too lazy to actually make this in an expediant fashion, I shouted “More Lady Gaga parodies plz” into the abyss sometime last week after too much turkey, creamed pearl onions, mashed potatoes, and red wine. It seems like someone answered.

Well it looks like these bearded designer gays beat me to the punch of creating a soon to be wildly popular lady gaga parody video. If they weren’t so damn attractive I might actually be bothered by the fact that they totally pronounce Neutra incorrectly.

Hey you beautiful men, FYI, it’s pronounced “Noi-truh.”

Eliot posts twice in a week! Does this mean he’ll be contributing more regular additions to the blog? Stay tuned… Read the rest of his posts here.

At least in New York, short denim shorts were all the rage last summer.  Hipster homos from Williamsburg to …Williamsburg were showing loads of deliciously pasty thigh, including myself (and much to my chagrin).

Awesome L.A.-based comic James Adomian, however, asks:  what if Brett Favre and the boys threw around the pigskin wearing the same stuff as the ladies in the Nair commercials (oh, and every dude sipping a PBR at Metro between May and September).

This last weekend I saw the modern urban tale much publicized by executive producers Tyler Perry and Oprah Winfrey, Precious. SPOILER ALERT! It’s depressing!!!

Want to read some reviews? I was really impressed by Armond White’s review for the New York Press heavily crticizing the identity politics at play in the story. But for a white gay male review, which I figure is more applicable to the readership here, I’d suggest Rich’s review on his blog FourFour (which actually tries to serve as a response to some of White’s criticisms).

My opinion is pretty simple and I’m not going to spend a lot of time explaining or defending it. I liked Precious. However, I think that the hype is more due to sensational subject matter rather than the actual film making. I thought Mo’Nique’s scenes were fairly manipulative storytelling and maybe would make more sense in a short format rather than a feature length film. My favorite parts were actually the classroom scenes, which abandoned the stylized, grease smeared, low lit scenes of abuse in Precious’ apartment for a more improvised, almost cinema verité style and tone. The way I see the movie, Lee Daniels used so many different styles of storytelling in this movie that there are basically 4 different movies smushed together in one. I think it’s effective, since different people will probably relate to these very different moments, causing the emotional impact to effect a wider audience. But it’s not something I would label as anything more than mediocre film making.

What I’m interested in, which no one seems to have pointed out, are a couple moments where, when one considers the star power/personas associated with the film, real life and the story being told seemed to clash for a moment in the way that we as an audience might react.

The first one  was a scene when Precious and the alterna-schooled kids actually start talking about people watching Oprah. I can’t help but question whether or not this qualifies as a shameless shill. Yes, in 1987 Oprah was a common cultural touchstone for people to relate with. But since she’s attached as an executive producer, is this a secret sell of her brand/identity/show? All I remember is that the dialogue about Oprah went on for what seemed like a really long time.

The second, and by far the more important moment, is when Precious is at the welfare office and askes Mariah Carey ( playing her social worker) “What are you?” And then Mariah doesn’t tell her. Because it’s a secret. Forever I just thought Mariah Carey was a white girl, but then, when one considers all these different racial minority groups that seem to relate to her, I just don’t know anymore. And maybe, just maybe, I came out of the film thinking the real point of Precious was to get me to question Mariah Carey’s racial identity. Not that I’d ever think something so shallow and flippant after watching a movie that tackles heavier issues.

What are you Mariah?!!1!!

Are you Mexican, Mariah?

Are you Black, Mariah?

Are you Italian Mariah?

Are you Irish, Mariah?

Are you Alien, Mariah?

WHAT ARE YOU MARIAH?!?!?!

The resident co-founder and awesome blogger Eliot occasionally finds the time to write here at GMSC. In this post, he finds perhaps the hottest wasted frat boy ever. You can see all of his posts here.

It’s not often I wish I were back in college.  At the time, I was doughy, naive, and dressed exclusively like a homeless clown.  I also went to NYU (where I met Colin, GSMC overlord and beloved hot nude yoga partner), meaning that I probably could have spent less time on LiveJournal and more time figuring out how to not be a total dummy, frequenting stupid Manhattan twink bars every weekend, always to exit devastated that I couldn’t figure out I felt so unnerved and alone (answer: BECAUSE TWINK BARS ARE BREEDING GROUNDS FOR THE WORSTS).

However, Brendan in Apt. 4010 (otherwise known as MY DREAM HOUSE) at the Chinstrap Beard University could easily get me to sign up for grad school.  Because I know myself better now and would likely feel significantly more comfortable going out of my way to score a room in whatever stinky dorm room houses this guy who takes baths in cans of beer.

~*~*~<3 <3 BE MY STUDY PARTNER??? XoXo~*~*~

So some of you ‘mos might already know about this guy since he has 50k subscribers, gets very naked for his vlogs, has legitimately great line delivery, and tackles gay topics in a non-offensive and cute-entertaining way. His name: Davey Wavey.

Well, not so long ago he posted a little vlog that upset one of my favorite YouTubers, Gay Family Values. Here’s the vlog:

Yes, it’s clever. It’s cute. He looks great without his shirt on. Cool. Whatever.

But Gay Family Values was upset that it didn’t address the decision in Maine to take marriage rights away from the gay population, a group that fought hard for those rights and (duh) deserves the,. Given Davey Wavey’s popularity, this gay dad would have liked to see issues that severely affect him actually addressed by the little hot twink. Here’s his uncharacteristically negative vlog:

So this whole exchange got me thinking. Two big thoughts actually:

1) Should I blog about politics? I always considered this more the realm of gay news bloggers like my favorite internet DILF Joe My God. Is it irresponsible of me as a gay blogger to ignore the current political climate and just blog about whatever the hell I feel, whether it be hot roller derby coaches or recaps of Dante’s Cove? I mean, I only post about once a week these days soooooo… is this an obligation or are other bloggers already filling that niche? Is it the responsibility of entertainment based blogs/vlogs like me and Wavey to talk about the important things happening on the front of gay rights in recent history?

2) Should I stalk Davey Wavey? Really. I will leave crazy ass devotional video responses to each of his new vlogs if I get three comments here affirming that this is a good decision. I have a weird crush on his crazy twink steez. He makes me feel the way I imagine 12 year old girls feel when they see a newly released trailer for New Moon. I mean he’s kinda funny, but my taste is really more up the alley of my new favorite internet source of laffs, Edith Zimmerman. I don’t understand my attraction to him at all, except maybe it’s that he has perfect skin and a bangin’ bod. However, he’s hairless, so what? Confused by my own libido right now. Hell, stalking D-dubs sounds like fun so I’ll probably do it anyways, I just want the validation that people read this and think it’s a good idea. So please leave comments and tell me if you would like to see me leave inappropriate devotional vid responses for Davey Wavey. I promise to blog about it if you few readers tell me to.

Maybe the reason I’m feeling so Devo is that I am listening to the Cardigans while writing this. Davey Wavey, you make me feel fine, gurl. See you on the netz, queen.

Last week South Park pissed off GLAAD. I know, big surprise, South Park pissed someone off. Most of the time South Park uses its offensive humor to try and send a subversive message that is generally well meaning. Normally, the people pissed off just misunderstand the intention and context of the message. Against my general inclination to love subversive highly offensive humor, I think GLAAD actually has a point here, especially after reading their full call to action and defense.

The South Park episode in question here was November 4th “The F-Word.” I have to say that I haven’t been able to watch the full thing, which is too bad. For some strange reason the full episode was available online on Tuesday when my internet connection was acting slow and wouldn’t stream properly, but today there is a message in its place saying it is unavailable until December 5th. I did, however, watch all 14 clips posted on the South Park web site and enough summaries where I feel like I have a good enough grasp of the episode content to have a valid opinion.

I’d like to preface my next arguments with a disclaimer. I am not PERSONALLY offended by anything in the episode. I also occasionally use the word “fag” as a term of endearment with my friends, and, until recent years, thought the only purpose of the word was as a hilarious and ineffectual insult. Much like my love of the word “cunt,” I love the word “faggot” and don’t have any personal problem with the South Park episode. However, I am NOT GLAAD, because if I was GLAAD, and not some gay guy with his brain in the gutter with a compulsive tendency to utter obscenities for his own enjoyment, I would be pissed and I would have every right to be pissed.

The argument in favor of the episode, and of labeling GLAAD a dinosaur, is as follows: South Park is trying to highlight a social issue by having its characters redefine “faggot” to mean noisy biker gangs, and by re-appropriating the terms, are actually on the side of gay rights by using the term as something other than a slur intended to hurt gay people. The word “faggot” CAN be re-appropriated and gay people shouldn’t be so sensitive about it anymore. This is analogous to the kids today who call each other “faggot” and are no longer ACTUALLY referring to gay people, just like how the word “gay” no longer necessarily means “homosexual.” We should all grow a back bone and realize that gay people are no longer the target of the hateful words and embrace “faggot” the way “queer” has been embraced by our community.

Take a look at the logic there, because I just find it to be wrong and misinformed on so many levels.

Let’s start this off with a very simple comparison with the word “nigger.” Let’s do a quick comparison of how the black community has responded to a slur rooted in the oppression of their population.

An article in Black Press from a couple years back lays out the black community’s contemporary attitudes toward the word. The officials of the black community have symbolically “buried” the term, clearly showing that the president of the NAACP no longer sees the word as a symbol of oppression within dominate culture. The article notes, “It remains a symbol of racism, but also is used by blacks when referring to other blacks, especially in comedy routines and rap and hip-hop music.” Black hip hop artists defend themselves explaining that the work is, as Rhymefest quotes, “for people who use the word in their lives.”

The thing to take away from this Black Press article is that the intended audience of the work and the identity of the creator matters, a lot. In work by black people made for black audiences, there’s a lot more leeway in the acceptable use of the racial slur in question. This is why Michael Richards is asked to issue a public apology while T.I. can pretty much do whatever we wants.

So following the societal standards above, set for the use of the N-word, let’s see where the South Park episode falls in this spectrum.

Trey Parker and Matt Stone are not gay, as far as the public knows. They are both straight white males, meaning that they are using this term from the vantage point of artists with both straight and white privilege. Here’s where we have our first problem, the basic identity politics at play don’t give them privilege to use the slur.

But let’s give them the benefit of the doubt. I’d feel safe betting both of them were called fags by their peers growing up. Let’s pretend that they have sympathy and understanding for the gay community. Somehow, Trey Parker and Matt Stone really get “gay issues” and their episode “The F-word” was made primarily with a gay audience in mind. They’re trying to raise the issue in defense of gays, right?

A quick look at the viewing demographics for South Park would strongly suggest otherwise. South Park is the number one show in its time slot as of the end of October 2009, with a 12.29% market share. On top of that, as of a year ago, Nielsen reported that South Park is the number one program that has the highest level of Republican engagement. We can quickly infer that South Park is in reality a program for the sort of people that would probably vote against gay people’s right to marriage, and more importantly, would probably vote against the hate crime law. These are people that DO NOT understand the power of a slur and the way that it relates to very real bullying and violence towards gay people. The place the word most likely occupies in this population’s life is as a word they say to insult others, not a word that gets hurled at them.

But maybe, just MAYBE, the program contextualizes it in a manner that is understandably still in favor of gay people and has something really progressive to say. Maybe Republicans just happen to watch the program en masse? Here’s a quick clip to give you an idea of how South Park uses the term “faggot” within the context of the program:

A quick examination of the character’s reactions and the motivations will show that “faggot” is not being relegated as inoffensive or appropriated in a new way. The biker’s are offended BECAUSE the word is rooted in a history of being a hated, beat up, sissy boy. Cartman and team choose the word BECAUSE it will offend the biker’s sense of masculinity. The comedy in the scene comes from the fact that it’s a hateful word rooted in violence and hatred of gay people. Calling a bunch of butch bikers “faggots” does nothing to re-appropriate or take away the harm intended behind the word. Besides, I wouldn’t be surprised to see men that look like the guys in the biker gang chillin’ at The Eagle.

It seems to me the only way to defend the specific use of the word “faggot” here is to adopt the same sort of lax attitude towards the term that allows teachers, mentors, and parents all over the us ignore the type of bullying, intimidation, and social pressure that makes gay, lesbian, and questioning youth four times more likely to commit suicide than their straight peers. This episode can only be funny if “faggot” still has power in the real world and gay people can be hurt by it. It’s irresponsible of Matt and Trey to broadcast a show that sends a message that it’s a term that can be used lightly. That’s why GLAAD needed to respond, because no matter how you frame it, South Park was in the wrong here.

This same sort of realization has informed my own use of the word in the last two years. While calling my friends “fags” in an endearing way might be ok within MY community, the term still holds real power in other contexts, especially with children. I write my blog, primarily for adults and primarily for other queers, and while I feel comfortable dropping the occasional fag bomb, I have really begun to change my opinion and my own use of the slur in recent years. Unlike “nigger,” now buried beneath a tombstone by the NAACP, “faggot” is still alive and well harming people as it sees fit. It has never been symbolically killed.

So do Trey and Matt owe the apology GLAAD asked for? Did they transgress with their use of the term the same way that Michael Richards did when he chose to use a slur that doesn’t belong to his heritage?  You better bet those fucking faggots did and I can’t wait to hear their whiny faggot apology.

[image on top via this dude's MySpace]

I wanted to sincerely thank you all for all your awesome comments and submissions for new hot roller derby coaches and referees that I should be oggling that I missed before.Special shout out to longtime reader Arch Noble for his FOUR great submissions, two of which I have crazy crushes on.

I’m also learning new things about the derby world. Commenter Romo used the word “merby”? What is this “merby”? Is it just a bunch of hot alternative-ish dudes in tights beating each other up? Because that also sounds like a wet dream I had the other night.

Since you all made that entry one of the more popular things written here in a while, I wanted to repost some of your awesome submissions. With some added teen-beat commentary, duhz.

Bench Coach Magnum P.I.M.P. of St. Louis’ Arch Rival Rollergirls

Manager Johnny Arson, CT Roller Derby

The infamous Mr. Rawk of Seattle, formerly of the Gotham City Roller Derby. (note: A lot of you responded “ew” to this, but whatevs, dude seems like a good time.)

Bench Coach Dr. Feel Good of the Carolina Rollergirls.

CupplesSk8, a referee with the Carolina Rollergirls.

Coach Bomb from Maine Roller Derby. Too bad about the results of Question 1 or else I’d propose! (too soon?)

Boo! It’s Almost Halloween!

So there’s this new application that you have probably already heard about called Grindr. Basically the idea is that you can see guys in your area and how far away they are from you on your iPhone. It’s kinda like Manhunt I guess but taken to the next level incorporated GPS and all sorts of other advanced mobile social networking goodies. Also, it has a totally creepy skull/Jason mask for it logo:

I think maybe this is supposed to have the same effect on me as products that bear the message “AIDS Is Not Over.” Can’t be sure, but it’s pretty scary.

Or maybe the point of the logo is just to attract a lot of freaky people. While only a small percentage of the population really has access to this application, as it’s only available on the iPhone, it hasn’t stopped a number of totally crazy people from joining and trolling the mobile web for sex. This is where my newest micro-blog obsession picks up – Guys I Blocked on Grindr.

Basically this site is kind of like Guys With iPhones, but instead of being a kind of updated version of Hot or Not but geared towards gays with fancy technology, it’s just a cesspool of negativity towards guys who cruise using this new application. And we all know that cesspools of negativity on the internet equal instant hilarity! And with the exception of this one guy posted on there, who seems totally dreamy and I would love to go eat pancakes with, the site is a good mix of hilarious joke profiles and horriffic train wrecks in internet dating that can stand up to anything on Lurid Digs.

Since it’s the Halloween season, I’ve what I think qualifies as the most legitimately frightening profile ever:

I don’t have an iPhone so I can’t make a horrible tumblr of myself. I have about 1085 embarrassing pictures of myself that I don’t mind sharing with the world, and definately suck at online cruising, so I bet I could be on there. But I did make a PSD graphic template so that I could make a pretend screenshot. You can download my PSD template here to make one yourself.

Here’s my faked profile disaster:

So would you block that? Or did I not make it freaky enough? Post the freakiest profiles you either make yourself or find in the comments.

So last weekend, fellow GMSCer Eliot and I went to go do Hot Nude Yoga. It’s one of those things that you see in Time Out New York that is always described as the sort of zany activity that is “only in New York.” Whatever.

“New York City! Center of the Universe! Anything is possible here!” – some Sex and the City loving cunt.

I normally hate that shit, but this actually sounded like kinda fun. I am a regular yoga practitioner and I like to get naked. This could be fun? After arriving, I should have known I was in for a really weird experience when I went to the bathroom before class and saw this:

To recover, Eliot and I had to talk out the experience. Curious about Hot Nude Yoga? Well then live vicariously through our conversation below:

Eliot: I’ve been working out for a while now, and finally got the confidence to do something that looked – honestly? – kind of crazy hot. Something that sounded like a weight loss commercial + gay faerie spew.

me: I do love gay faerie spew, but this was more not than hot I’d say.

Eliot: Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm right. Even though i’m not particularly into super-muscular, lean chelsea bodies, the photos on the site are really tempting.

me: But I showed up and you were waiting in the hallway because you were terrified.

Eliot: Right, shaking because, come on, that hallway was like a midget whorehouse.

me: I’m not even sure what that means, but I totally agree, I’m pretty comfortable with my nudity, so it was no biggie for me, but like… it was a weird crowd.

Eliot: Here’s what i love. I’m getting undressed, SHAKING, and you literally saunter in like you were at a grocery store. Then again, you once photographed your mangina for public display.

me: This is true, I did photograph my mangina for public display in college. To complete the grocery store image however, I think they needed to be playing Seal’s “Kissed by a Rose.” That’s the one song I always hear at the grocery store, and I wouldn’t put that past them. The music was pretty new agey.

Eliot: that WAS enya, right? It was like “wait, wait, he’s not actually playing enya, right?” I was SO WORRIED that i’d be super boned throughout the whole class. You guaranteed me that wouldn’t be the case, and all i needed to do was walk into that room, shaking, to realize i’d be in turtle poke mode for 90 minutes – literally TREMBLING.

me: I generally am kinda like a dog when I am naked in public, my penis just kinda goes inside me. I’ve gotten really comfortable with the fact that I look like I have a micro-penis when naked in a group.

Eliot: haha!

me: plus, there was really no one to get boned about. The only cute person had the same name as me and they made us all stand up, look at eachother, and introduce ourselves. It was kinda like speed dating in the worst way, definately not like yoga

Eliot: Right, like…huh? i can see your penis but this feels like weight watchers. But i could’ve gotten boned over the yogi. He was so beefy

me: really? He was a large black man named Hollis teaching what was essentially “power yoga” at a Crunch gym or something. I can’t think of anything much more corny.

Eliot: But NAKED, with a big ol’ ween!

me: True, he did have a huge ween.

Eliot: that’s a dealbreaker, ladies.

me: Big weens?

Eliot: Yeah. Well, small weens are the dealbreaker.

me: hahaha, why is it a dealbreaker? It’s not for me.

Eliot: Big weens are the dealmaker.

me: I prefer average peens. Big ones are nice to look at, but that’s it – at least for me. I might not be the insatiable black hole of a bottom that I could be. The point is, in the beginning of class, Hollis makes us all look at eachother and say our names, and I think he took a particular liking to us, because I think he could tell we were both on the verge of cracking up.

Eliot: I WAS. But also because i get so fucking sweaty, my glasses slide off my face. At one point, i was like, “wow, i didn’t realize it was bikram yoga,” aaaaaaand it wasn’t. I’m just a monster.

me: That was my biggest complaint actually. Was that the actual yoga sucked. It was gym yoga.

Eliot: I’ve only done yoga with gym ladies (not lululemon crazies, but regular gym ladies)
so I was prepared

me: Well, I go three times a week at this point, have been doing it for three years, and actually have practiced a couple specific disciplines. I’m not great, but I know what the practice format should be. This was nothing like the teachers at serious studios. He basically was just yelling at us to do pushups at one point, but he called it chattarunga

Eliot: I knew i’d never heard of that! I was like…ok, cool, i can do pushups, but whatttt?

me: He was using yoga names for basic personal trainer style exersises. We didn’t really do anything besides a bunch of salutes to the sun and core strengthening excersises. At least for the first half. I’m not sure I’m even a fan of doing yoga naked. My junk kept getting caught between my legs. I would TOTALLY do yoga in underwear, but the support is kind of vital exactly! and that’s the other thing, without clothes to soak up the sweat my mat was so slippery I could hardly hold downward dog. I even had a towel and it was too much

Eliot: hahaha well it only got worse when the last half of the class was all partnered activity because our mats were pushed together and the place smelled like butt sweat. So basically we were doing yoga together on, like, a pile of banana peels just naked and gay.

me: Which, was pretty weird for other reasons too.

Eliot: It was like slippery twister.

me: we were pretty much the only two people there together.

Eliot: THANK GOD

me: people show up to this and do naked partner yoga with strangers. Pretty weird vibe.

Eliot: When i was spread eagle with your feet cupping my penis, i was literally biting my tongue from laughing because a) your feet were cupping my dick and b) IMAGINE IF I WAS CUPPING THE 70-YEAR-OLD GUY’S WEEN WITH MY FEET!

me: omg! I know! I can’t believe we were instructed to put our feet in eachother’s junk for the floor exercises.

Eliot: so good like..hollis, this isn’t yoga. I don’t know what this is, but it’s not yoga

me: well, that particular move was. That was a partnered paschimottanasana.

Eliot: Right, right, or “babydick salute.” But then we had to massage each other’s hamstrings. Is that part of the move?

me: Yeah…. you also don’t know where the hamstring is, FYI. it’s behind the leg

Eliot: Yes i do, it’s under the thigh!

me: You totally rubbed the top of my thigh. What was weird, was when we had to hug each other. That was not a pose with a name.

Eliot: that was when i was dying the most. “Now place your ear on your partner’s shoulder.”

me: I think it was like… the crescendo of a enya song, or maybe it was deep forest when we had to do that and I almost lost it.

Eliot: YES IT WAS. IT WAS THE CRESCENDO. THAT WAS INCREDIBLE. If I were doing that with a boyfriend or a guy who wasn’t you, my friend whose mangina I’d seen the second time we hung out, I may have easily been boned.

me: I was kind of like “ummm… is this real? because i’m questioning everything about my life choices right now. I never thought I’d be listening to new age music and hugging my friend naked with a bunch of gay chelsea dudes, ever in my life.”

Eliot: that was undoubtedly the apex for me. The funniest moment of the class.

me: I think Hollis yelled at me to relax my face, because I was trying so hard not to crack up.

Eliot: He did! When we had to sitt, butt to butt, and lay backwards on each other’s calves, that was almost funnier.

me: I thought that was pretty tame. Except without wearing underwear, I totally end up with a mangina in that position. The killer for me was that at the end.

Eliot: The group hug?

me: Instead of sitting shavasana like you are supposed to at the end, we group hug. So weird! After the group hug and feel good weirdness, which made me feel like I was in AA or a meth recovery group, you pretty much got dressed and fled.

Eliot: Oh i RAN. I needed to escape the smell of anus too, of course, but I love how Hollis also said we should say hello to each other on the street and you and I.

me: I take a long time to get dressed though, I’m just a slow dresser like that and Hollis was saying stuff like “we had a couple virgins in the class today”

Eliot: GET OUT. “And i think one of those virgins may have been terrified of us being absoutely terrfying.” It’s ok though because we will never see them on the street because we don’t go to Splash.

me: After the virgin comment, I was like “yeah, I normally practice in brooklyn.” And then he made me give him a hug. No joke.

Eliot: See, that’s why i left. No hugs, byeeeeeeeeee!

me: So would you ever do it again?

Eliot: Yes, if it were in an igloo with gentleman under 35 with facial hair

me: An igloo?

Eliot: yeah, COLD YOGA!

me: haha! That will make your peen even smaller.

Eliot: Not if i’m cupping the ween of someone who looks like Jeremy Sisto.

me: No one will ever look like Jeremy Sisto at yoga.

Eliot: never

me: Also, the idea of cold boners is grossing me out. So let’s just say we’d never do it again.

So who’s seen Whip It so far? I saw it this last weekend and was going to write a review but my buddy Gabe Liedman, who has also contributed here at The Social Crisis, wrote a better review than I could ever hope to construct over at Videogum. He’s so right! Drew Barrymore is a real life Benjamin Button! I also share his fantasy of calling Holly Hunter for advice, mostly because Living Out Loud is one of my favorite movies of all time because I fantasize about going to Meow Mix with Queen Latifah in the 90s. But I digress! Point is Gabe is a genius, and you should be reading his review, and I shouldn’t be trying to one up him with one of my own because I would fail.

I couldn’t help myself, and started looking at roller derby leagues around the U.S. They got one thing wrong… most of the girls are not quite the Suicide Girls the movie depicts, with the MAJOR exception that is the alternative sexiness that exists in the Portland teams, the Rose City Rollers. However, It looks like the writers and producers and Drew Barrymore picked up on one awesome stereotype when they cast the movie. Roller Derby coaches almost always really, really hot, and Andrew Wilson in Whip It is a fine example of the sort of totally crushable male hotties you can expect to see. (Just in case you’re wondering, that last sentance just landed me a job as the editor of Tiger Beat magazine).

The following are some prime examples of male meat you can expect to see in this mostly girl dominated sport. (And in case you were wondering, THAT last sentence just landed me a job writing for Cosmo. This post has basically launched my career as a very highly sought after woman’s magazine editor.)

Flying Squirrel, Manager for the Gotham Girls Roller Derby:

The coach for the Portland Rose City Rollers‘ Wheels of Justice:

Also in the Rose City Rollers, Portland’s Fresh Meat Program:

Coach for the TXRD Lonestar Rollergirl’s Hellcats:

Know of any other hot roller derby guys? Send them to me or put them in the comments.