JOHNNY WEIR IS GOING TO BE IN THE UPCOMING WINTER OLYMPICS AND I AM SOOO EXCITED!!!1!11!!!

(To me this is important news, but like for those of you that would like to spend your time helping Haiti instead of freaking out over Johnny Weir, you can donate to Doctors Without Borders here)

Remember when he did his routine to Tori Amos’ “Winter”? Well it looks like he’s really gonna be even more amazing next time he skates for the world.

Can we all talk for a second about how great Johnny Weir is? He recently did this amazing interview with ESPN where he basically blew the poor sports reporter Jim Caple’s head wide open.

You can read the full piece for yourself, but I can’t help but pull some seriously choice quotes. This man is a velvet goldmine of beautiful quotables filled with sass, sequins, and graceful sashays.

On his people liking his short program outfit:

That’s for the short program. It’s black and hot pink. And it’s like an oily, black corset with pink cords and this big pink ruffle and then like a black porno leather epaulet that comes out to here and a big pink tassel that comes off of it. People like it.

On developing his long form outfit:

I’m portraying the Fallen Angel, and before, it was this big, white wing coming across my body, and lots of rhinestones and sparkles and way too much. And I had these gorgeous, chalk-colored ribs. I really liked it, but when I saw some pictures and videos of it, it made me look wide because of the white, so I’m changing it. And now my inspiration is sort of — you know when the seagulls get stuck in the oil spills on your side of the world, up in Alaska and whatnot? When those really pretty white feathers get in the oil just on the tips? That’s kind of the inspiration, and we’re building it now, but it’s the very starting stages.

Why a fallen angel, Johnny?

One moment everything will be peachy and everyone will be saying the nicest things about me and loving me, and the next minute I’m the worst, I’m evil, all these things. It’s like a fallen angel. For me, I feel very much that I can portray that character. Because it’s my career and my life.

On dieting:

while trying to cut down from 132½ to 130½ pounds for nationals, he says, he merely “looks” at lunch

On being named a D-list celebrity (even if he is A-list in my book):

Great, I’m Kathy Griffin.

On the cultural relativity of masculine aesthetics (You’re such a smarty pants, <3 u!!!z):

For me, I’m lucky that I’ve traveled so much of the world and seen so many things and for me, masculinity is completely subjective,” Weir says. “Here, a male ballet dancer would get beat up and left on the side of the road. But in Russia, he is No. 1, he is what a man is. That kind of passion and control. In Japan, masculinity is making sure your hair is completely gelled and coiffed and that you’re dressed and decked to the nines. Masculinity is what you make it out to be. Here in the U.S., not everyone feels the same way.

His mother, on the circus like media attention Weir gets:

They had a fit over Weir in track pants, and here is Evan all but naked, jumping around and leaving nothing to the imagination,” she says. “How come you’re fine with this but go off on my son for wearing track pants? Granted, he was wearing heels.

Weir on the kind of glass closet he seems to live in:

I want to be judged by who I am, not what I am. I mean, I am Johnny Weir. Judge me the way you see me, love me the way you see me, hate me the way you see me. All these things make me up, and sexuality and having sex is the least that people should worry about.

My favorite little byte is that they mention that the commercial for his upcoming reality show is one where “he hatches from a giant Fabergé egg”? WHAT?

This show is gonna be amazing.

I know some so called progressive gays are gonna come down on him for “perpetuating stereotypes” or whatever that shit means. Look, part of equal rights is equal rights and respect for even the most flamboyant. So the haters need to shit the fuck up. This man is amazing, funny, and a great addition to what we see in the media. I personally can’t wait until the day comes that he finally feels comfortable calling himself gay publicly. Creating an environment that can be supportive of that is what we need to work on, not tearing him down in all his spandex glory.

This last weekend, this band, The Ruffian Arms, was the headlining band at QxBxRx, otherwise known as Queers, Beers, and Rears, otherwise known as the only queer party I religiously attend in NYC (they got a Facebook and a MySpace if you want to keep up to date on when they happen). The performance rocked my cock. Plus writing about them helps me fulfill both goals of writing about more cultural happenings and posting hot guys!

I think the only reason they are not more popular than they are is that they do a genre of music, a type of punk, that isn’t really the most fashionable these days if you look at Pitchfork (i.e. they are not a “collective,” ect). The thing is , they do good old left coast style performative punk REALLY well, even if it might not be the genre of music currently in fashion.  But remember how good punk music was in the 90s? And what do we need more in an economic depression than some good balls to the wall party music that gives a lot of attitude? I would be totally happy to see a resurgence. On top of that they add a certain level of raw sexual energy not always front and center in punk music, just take a quick listen to “Three Hole Circus.”

One thing to know is that their awesome sound just doesn’t translate as well when recorded. A large part of that is the awesome amazon of a woman that is the frontwoman of the band, Allison. She’s the sort of women that will smash your face in and then fuck you with a strap on until you pass out. When you come to bleeding on the floor, instead of feeling violated, you probably will just think about how awesome it all felt and want it again. That’s just the kind of gal she is. Memorable and sexy. Also very tall and intimidating.

It totally helps that she’s backed up by two very attractive men who slowly disrobe their sweaty bodies and flash their cocks on stage the entire performance. Sometimes music should beat you up and give you a boner at the same time. The Ruffian Arms accomplish that and then some.

Here’s some pics from last Saturday. If you’re into this and haven’t seen them, you should really check them out next time they play. When you wake up with a bloody ass the next day you’ll be thanking me.

Disclaimer: I have friends in this band, mainly the drummer. But I wouldn’t endorse them unless I actually thought they were rad. And they are rad. So I am endorsing them. This is the first in what I hope becomes a series of documenting the occasional awesome live shows I see.

So I have been spending some time trying to figure out just what I want to do with this here bloggy project in the next year. The first and most important goal behind building this sucker was to have a place to write and a place where some of my friends would like to write. Like most of my online activity, it was mostly meant to entertain a small group of me and my friends.

What I learned during that period was that not everyone likes to write for fun! It actually felt like work to some people after they wrote the initial posts they were excited to contribute! So while originally this was meant to be a collective effort, this blog has largely become my personal stomping grounds to write about whatever I feel.

For me, writing a blog is a fun relaxing jaunt down a shady tree lined path in the middle of spring, a great way to relax in the middle of the day. It’s also been a great opportunity to keep myself writing, try different experiment with different voices, and occasionally vent (however negativity isn’t really trending these days so I’ve decided to do less of that business). So while I am sure there will be occasional posts from co-conspirator Eliot here, here’s what you can basically expect from me and this blog in the coming year:

1. I think I need to start doing reviews. Not pop culture reviews that every other blog does. Fuck that shit.There’s enough for-profit blogs run by full time writers with marketting power and real reach that can scoop me for every future Avatar and zeitgeists of its ilk. I’m gonna do my best to keep it alternative and talk about things you may not have heard of. I came across a lot of cool stuff that I never talked about last year for the sake of trying to develop an “entertaining” voice.  I’m gonna do my best to actually bring a little bit of my own cultured taste to this bloggy.
2. I want to bring back the podcast! I actually had someone tell me that they missed those the other day. I miss doing them! It’s just really really hard to get guests to sit down and shoot the shit with me. My goal is to do a minimum of 5 podcasts in the next year, but if I can do more, that would be great! If you’d like to hang out in my living room, drink beers, and talk about life and popular gossip , then get in touch and let’s have a chill sesh.
3. I can’t believe I am saying this, but I think I’m actually gonna start posting “hot guys” here. I was really inspired by the response all the derby girls gave when I was busy drooling over hot girls derby coaches. I think I’m going to try and expand on that thread.

By posting these resolutions/blog goals I am hoping to hold myself to them.

I also want to here from the couple of you that read this and like it. What do you want me to write about? Should I post drafts of fiction that I am working on? Is there something you want to hear about? Should I start doing interviews of gay artists/musicians/writers? Either comment or get in touch with me and let me know!

And for those of you that have been following for a long time now, thanks for sticking with me!

I also saw this on facebook, and since the picture is basically a perfect representation of me, I’m thinking about going for one of those scholarships for dads in 2010. Thanks Obama!

Do u guyz kno about this guy who calls himself “Perfume Genius”? Because I just learned about this guy today via a post over on BUTT magazine’s blog and it’s legitimately some of the best video art I have seen in a long time. Granted, I have a tendency to love depressive art, but you need to watch this stuff.

A long time ago, I blogged about my love for Ryan Trecartin’s work, (especially how it caters itself to the online/YouTube viewing experience). This is work that succeeds in the opposite end of the spectrum. It’s mediative, beautiful, and probably the best way to see it would be as a projection in a small venue with everyone sitting on the floor while the music is played live. The fact that the clips on YouTube still work show well is a testiment to their actual beauty. Maybe a good point of reference would be something like The Cocteau Twins meets Lynch but then produced lo-fi as all fuck? I could probably describe the music as… Guided By Voices meets Chris Garneaux? I dunno. These short pieces have quality a lot like some of David Lynch’s earlier work and an aesthetic akin to the more experimental parts in his popular films (I’d compare them to parts of Inland Empire, but since I really consider that movie more of a return to form… that’s another post entirely).

I know there are “some artists” who think that video art is “bullshit.” These should make them eat their words. Below they are posted in reverse chronological order. Enjoy.

I really hope there’s a lot more of this work to come. As is it’s so good that I can’t wait to see how it develops in the future. If you want to check out Perfume Genius’ music, you can on his MySpace.

So everyone is all, “Goodbye naughties, hello Teens,” but I am all, “Goodbye Naughties, welcome the naughty Tweens!!”

I found these images of the future in the crystal ball us seers call Google. Can’t wait to be textin’ all my BFFs in 2013. Have any of you read Flowers in the Attic? I hear it’s really amazing. I’ll trade you for the Goosebumps I just read. gtg, I just got like, 20 texts.

Happy New Year, ya’ll.

A good buddy just found this, put it on Facebook, and I can’t help but re-post. Thank you Internet for this glorious internet gift and letting me open it early on Christmas Eve. Below is what is a digitized and uploaded version of what is probably one of the only copies left of the music video for The Mo-Dettes “White Mice.” It’s fresh.

The Holidays! They are busy! Can you believe it! I hope everyone is having a merry season. I have put on some nice holiday weight since I decided to forgo exercise and replace it with over eating and binge drinking for the majority of the month. Basically I feel like a happy bloated whale! Sexy!

So while I’ve been absent and with holiday parties/a hang over/shopping/crashing White House dinner parties, the Gap had some crazy ads going on?

Did you all see this? It’s some Gap ad. Jezebel writer and blogger at large Lindsay Robertson wrote it up on Jezebel as being very slightly pedophilic, and got kinda attacked over it. (I don’t have TV so I learn about t through the internet). Anyways, I maybe kinda agree with her, only because of the weird train move at the end? Otherwise it’s a harmless ad, but considering the high pressure world of professional blogging, I don’t blame her for using that spin to post it in any ways. Here’s the original:

And I guess some gay guys saw this and thought it would be super fun to parody. I really WANT to like this, because the idea and execution are great, but I also get super uncomfortable watching a bunch of young gay guys infantalize themselves in the name of corporate fashions:

What do you think? Cute holiday commercial parody or kinda weird scary intersections of unhealthy psychology and consumerism?

I suddenly really really want boots for Christmas. Happy Holidays ya’ll!!!

How do you all feel about the dialogue surrounding gay marriage? I am, like, 100% for gay marriage but the tactics and conversation regarding “marriage = equality” bothers me a little bit. Been lazy on the blog because I been trying to write fiction, but I thought I’d share a draft of a satire I recently wrote on the topic. This is it:

I Saw Him at the Gay Marriage Demonstration (A Satire)

It was that special holiday that marked the approach of the coldest months of winter, where family and friends gathered to stuff themselves and fatten up for the frigid times to come. Keith, his partner Dennis, their two kids, Julie and Andrew were joined for dinner this year by their friend Dmitri and the couple next door, Alice and Janet. It was the biggest thanksgiving the couple had planned in years, at least since Dennis’ parents had passed away in summer of 2016. The scent of a tofurkey in the oven and a mushroom leek quiche wafted into the dining room. Janet had brought her brussel sprout, walnut, and wheat berry salad and Alice had brought a selection of grassy sheep’s milk cheeses from the farmers market the group had consumed as an appetizer. Dmitri had brought hearty staples, a vegan sorrel dressing and a dish of mashed yams.

This was their first year ever without desserts. Keith and Dennis had just adopted Andrew at the age of four, a sweet kid despite behavior problems learned from growing up in the foster system. Andrew had been born diabetic and addicted to crack cocaine, rescued by a social worker when his mother abandoned him in a Detroit project. The whole family had adjusted their diet, and while Julie seemed to adjust easily to a reduced sugar, her daddies still had some concerns over whether she’d throw a tantrum when she discovered pumpkin pie had been omitted from this years feast. Still, at age 9 she was remarkably calm and reasonable for her age and her two dads constantly admonished her with praise for her unexpected mature behavior, not to mention her good marks in school.

A timer went off in the kitchen signaling that the tofurkey was thoroughly heated. Andrew ran into the kitchen quickly whipping up some vegan mushroom gravy to accompany their stuffed tofu loaf, the earthy richness of the salty sauce was so good it really made it impossible to miss real turkey. Dennis tapped his fork against his wine glass, the ringing noise signaling to everyone that food was ready. The whole party gathered around the table for dinner, eager for food, wine, and stories.

As the meal was winding down, Keith noticed a sad look on Julie’s face and asked her about it. “Dad, it’s not that I’m sad that we can’t have pie this year. I understand that since Andrew entered our family we need to cut back on sweets,” Andrew giggled a thanks as Julie continued, “I’m just sad that we seem to have lost a tradition that I have become so used to every year.”

Janet quickly chimed in, “I can’t help but feel the same way. I really miss your pumpkin pie, Keith. But isn’t Thanksgiving close to another tradition for you two? Isn’t your anniversary just a week away?”

“Why don’t you tell the story of how you met and became my daddies!” Julie interjected with the squeak, “That story is so sweet, it’s a great substitute for a real dessert, papa. I hope that whoever I fall in love with, whether it’s a man or another woman, that we have just as romantic a story. I love having two daddies.”

“Well, ok, if you’re gonna twist my arm… I guess I’ll share the story,” Dennis began.

“It was the week after Thanksgiving, Tuesday December 2nd, and the New York State legislature had just voted in a 24 to 32 decision against granting couples like your daddy and I the right the marry. I had received 2 texts and noticed that m friends were updating their Facebook status – that’s one of those older social networking sites we had – calling for a rally at 6pm in Times Square. I didn’t know your father at the time but I guess the same thing happened to him because come 6 pm we were standing next to each other, total strangers at the time, carrying a banner on bright yellow paper that read ‘NY Crime Scene.’ I remember looking over and realizing how cute he was.”

“I remember looking over and realizing how lucky I was to be at a protest next to a guy as cute as you too,” Andrew said as he planted a kiss on Dennis’ cheek.

“Well, to continue, my friend, uncle Ben who you might remember from when you were a little girl, was texting me to see where I was. It wasn’t a huge turnout given the last minute nature of the protest, but it was still enough of a crowd where he had difficulty spotting me. I pulled out my iPhone to answer… and that’s when Andrew first talked to me.”

“I said, ‘Hey! We have the same iPhone case and even put the same sticker on it! I can’t believe you also have vintage Lisa Frank stickers. Did you get them at that thrift store downtown, Love Saves The Day? That’s where I got mine’ and the mysterious stranger I’d soon know as Dennis responded, ‘Yes actually. Wow. I always felt kinda unique and alone in the design choices I used to express myself.’ I then quickly introduced myself. I said ‘Hi, my name is Andrew. It’s no nice to meet another guy who really believes in marriage.”

“And I couldn’t believe that I was talking to such a cute fellow who believed in marriage! I mean, I used to tell my friends who wouldn’t go to these rallies, ‘if you don’t believe in marriage then you’re basically just like those gay republicans, living one life while fighting against who you are. You say you’re activists, but I don’t see you standing up for marriage.’ I wanted to make a stand for marriage because I believed in marriage and so I had shown up to the rally alone. And then I met the love of my life there! It’s so funny to me still – two fellows standing for marriage ACTUALLY getting married years later.”

“Well, I guess the rest is history. After the coincidence with the iPhone we discovered that we loved all sorts of the same products! We both liked Kiehl’s face lotions, shopped at Design Within Reach – so I guess it was just inevitable that we would settle down together and have a family. The day that they legalized same sex marriage we marched down the the courthouse and got our marriage certificate. We had the commitment ceremony the year before upstate in Woodstock, but we had been waiting for legal recognition before we started a family. And then 6 months later, we adopted you Julie! We moved here to Tivoli and the rest is history. If we can be thankful for anything on this holiday it would be marriage.”

Andrew gave a yawn.

“Well it looks like this first Thanksgiving has worn out our newest little family member! Time for bed kids!”

Dennis scooped Andrew up in his arms and carried him to his bedroom downstairs. Little Andrew’s eyes were so heavy he fell asleep in Dennis’ arms on the way, making it easy to put him down for the night. The small lady Julie wasn’t so easy though.

“But I don’t wanna go to bed! I want to hear more stories!”

The adult guests exited the kitchen and settled in the den while Keith worked his magic.

“It’s ok Julie. Remember when you wake up Dennis and I will still be here and we can tell you all the stories you want. Look, I’ll even come brush my teeth with you before you go to bed and tuck you in. Ok? Tomorrow we have a big day planned since you and Andrew have school off. We’re going to go apple picking!”

“Ok… have you seen Kumquat? I need him to fall asleep.”

“Yes, I just gave him a good wash and put him back on your bed. Now let’s go brush our teeth like good girls and get to bed!”

15 minutes later Keith and Dennis joined the other adults in the living room.

“Wow, I can’t believe how easy that was! I hope our kids end up being so well behaved,” Janet commented while sipping Amari as an after dinner digestif.

“Are we thinking about having kids? You sure haven’t let me know… I thought we were going to wait until I had time to take maternity so that we could artificially inseminate?”

“Oh, honey, I’m just speculating.”

“I guess after that tall tale Dennis spun at the dinner table it’s easy to get carried away… Come on Keith, tell us the truth, you guys were never quite that wholesome. I remember when you had Chris over for a threesome on your first anniversary.”

“You guys…” Dennis blushed.

“Ok, well, here’s the real story. Dennis had one part right. Our matching iPhone cases, both of us had purple cases with silver glitter. That was what initially sparked the conversation. Then we realized we both were wearing the same pair of Loden Dagger jeans and I think that’s when we both got more interested in each other. Our matching taste in clothes and technology made it obvious to me that we might be a match. I lived not too far away at the time… on 47th and 9th avenue. So I invited Keith over after the march for a drink and joint if he wanted.”

“And what happened?”

“Well, we got to my place and Keith seemed nervous. I was really lucky, my parents were paying for this huge place in hell’s kitchen while I was busy interning at Goldman Sachs. While I was pouring us some Maker’s on the rocks, I pointed out my porn collection, hoping it would get him to relax a bit. I handed him a drink and started to roll a joint. Jesus, I can’t remember for the life of me what we talked about.”

“We were talking about how out of place I felt since I had graduated Columbia. I mean, I had this Ivy league education and it seemed like the only way I could make money was to act as an escort. When we first met, I had a rentboy.com profile… Dennis made me take it down the week after we met so not a lot of people know I used to escort.”

“That’s right! I remember being a little turned off by the topic, but probably wasn’t listening much anyways. You know me!”

“I know honey, you’d always been the sort of guy whose more into the body than the mind,” Keith sighed, “You know, I never told you this but I actually recognized was also on this porn site, suckingstraightguys4cash.com. They had paired me with some hunky red head in a kilt. God, I even remember the plot. He was supposed to be some sort of rugby player that I had picked him up while my “theater troupe” was performing at Edinbugh. His girlfriend was out and he had been trolling the city for a sissy boy to use for the night.But really. I had an Ivy League education and I couldn’t get hired for shit. My name on the site was Colby. It made me seem so midwestern. I’m surprised you never ran across that.”

“You’re lucky I didn’t find that the first year we went out, I might have been scared off. I’m really particular about my porn. I don’t really go for that fetishizing-straight-people-thing.”

“Good thing you’re not particular about what goes up your butt. I remember our honeymoon.”

“A little poppers helps a lot, baby.”

Janet, attempting to push the story forward, interrupted the couple’s exchange, “Ew, stop it. I’ve heard all about the size of what you have in your toy chest and don’t need to know any more. So what happened next?”

“Well, we fucked. It was great. Probably the best sex I’ve ever had”

“Me too,” Dennis agreed, “Why do you think I texted you first thing the next day?”

They heard a loud sniff come from Dmitri sitting in the corner sofa chair. “Anyone want a bump?” he casually remarked, holding out a key with some white powder on the tip and a small baggy.

“Don’t mind if I do! I was going to ask for coffee, but this will do,” answered Alice carefully taking the key from Dmitri, taking a sniff, and then passing the baggy and key to Dennis sitting on the sofa to her left.

The party continued for the next 3 hours until around 2 am. Alice and Janet decided to take a stroll before going to bed next door and Keith showed Dmitri to the door.

“You sure you ok to drive? I know you’ve been having a hard time recently and just want to check that you didn’t party too hard. Did you sign up for eHarmony like I suggested? You know they are known for pairing the most marriages.”

“Look, no offense, but if I even wanted to get married I wouldn’t be into using that electronic yenta.”

“I’m sorry. I’m out of line I guess, but my marriage has just made me so happy and it’s so nice to have guy to share my stock profits with. I just want the same thing for you, you know, happiness.”

“Yes, man, thanks for having me over. It was really great, not trying to be pissy with you. It was almost like old times. Almost… if it was old times I’d be sleeping over.”

“Oh shush your mouth. I don’t want Dennis to hear. You’ll put ideas in his head and we have little ones sleeping downstairs these days.”

“I know, I know. I’m out. Have a good night, guys.”

“You too. Safe ride home. Text us when you get in, we want to know that you didn’t end up in a ditch.”

“Will do. Love you.”

Keith turned around too see Dennis staring at him with a devilish grin. He knew exactly what that look meant and was getting hard just thinking about it.

“I can’t wait to go shopping tomorrow, honey.”

Recently I was discussing how great it would be to make a parody of “Video Phone” called “Rotary Phone”

So spin it round, hear it clickin’
On my rotary phone
Dial up grandma
Ring her on my rotary phone
You gotta speak up
Yell into my rotary phone
On my rotary, rotary
Hear me spin and click on my rotary phone

So being too lazy to actually make this in an expediant fashion, I shouted “More Lady Gaga parodies plz” into the abyss sometime last week after too much turkey, creamed pearl onions, mashed potatoes, and red wine. It seems like someone answered.

Well it looks like these bearded designer gays beat me to the punch of creating a soon to be wildly popular lady gaga parody video. If they weren’t so damn attractive I might actually be bothered by the fact that they totally pronounce Neutra incorrectly.

Hey you beautiful men, FYI, it’s pronounced “Noi-truh.”

Eliot posts twice in a week! Does this mean he’ll be contributing more regular additions to the blog? Stay tuned… Read the rest of his posts here.

At least in New York, short denim shorts were all the rage last summer.  Hipster homos from Williamsburg to …Williamsburg were showing loads of deliciously pasty thigh, including myself (and much to my chagrin).

Awesome L.A.-based comic James Adomian, however, asks:  what if Brett Favre and the boys threw around the pigskin wearing the same stuff as the ladies in the Nair commercials (oh, and every dude sipping a PBR at Metro between May and September).