There’s this place downstairs from my office called The Seattle Café.

I don’t know where they get this name from. There’s nothing remotely Seattle about the place. They have crappy coffee. The menu lacks homemade granola or a tofu scramble, and there is no cedar smoked salmon on anything. They don’t even have a Pacific Northwest Indian rendition of an Orca on the wall. A good example of a true Seattle cafe would be The Hi-Spot. Here hippies toil away at delicious home made cinnamon buns and baked goods daily, as well as serving up some hippie food with local and seasonal ingredients. And the coffee is delicious.

There is one thing on Seattle Café’s menu that I have never before seen in my life. And, guys, this dish is an epidemic sweeping our nation.

The egg white wrap with cheese.

I found this gnarly picture while doing a google image search for it. The Seattle Café won’t show this junk on their own website. Some ‘tarded ladies who go by the “Break Room Lunch Ladies” think this is worth reviewing. It’s ingrediants include “scrambled egg white product” and “cheese blend.” Fucking nasty. Also: “methylcellulose.”

Please just eat real eggs. The benefits of taking out the yolk (ie cholesterol and fat) are totally negated by re-incorporating a cheese blend (ie more cholesterol and fat). Also, egg white product is kind of like cheese food. You should not trust it because it comes from a factory in Jersey and not a chicken’s butt.

The logical conclusion here is that a chicken’s butt is more reliable than a factory in Jersey.

I leave you with this: an egg white omelet with ham and cheese.

Chew on that motherfucker.

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