Posted on February 26th, 2008 by Colin
Because I am constantly need to find ways to drink more while preserving my waistline and, as less beer equals less calories, I ended up drinking vodka this weekend. And remember, if it’s clear it doesn’t have calories.
So what? Why is it noteworthy that I drank? I drink every weekend. This is why:
SHIT SHIT FUCK SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK!
This stuff is serious poison. A good friend who works for NewFest had brought it to a party because they are a NewFest sponsor and he has a lot of bottles of it lying around leftover from events.
Yeah, sure, it looks like normal vodka. But in the fine print below that V2 logo is a very important message; this stuff is infused with taurine and caffeine.
Not that I have anything against energy drinks. I definitely have a sugar free Sparks before I go out quite often on the weekend. But I only have one. A good friend of mine once drank a whole six pack of Sparks in a night and woke up blind in her peripheral vision. Seriously. Srsly. So one alcoholic energy drink a night is all I dare.
The caffeine content in a shot of V2 is equivalent to a cup of coffee while the taurine rivals the amount found in Red Bull. What this mean? It means everyone at the party becomes a black out drunk. No one reads the fine print, and no one has no idea they’re getting hopped up on stimulants while they are drinking; so they just keep drinking. And drinking. And drinking. And then they end up slipping all over the ice, skinning an elbow, bleeding on the sheets, and tracking mud from the slush all over when you get home. Not that anything like that happened to me.
If this product isn’t deadly, there’s only one other explanation for the memory loss en-masse that occurred on Friday night. The Men In Black.
Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones, pictured above, must have come and erased everyone’s memory.
[Ed note: I looked everywhere for an article of someone else who has had a bad experience with this stuff. I can’t find it. And I refuse to believe no one else has accidentally fucked themselves up with it. If you have, I would love to see your story in the comments. However, I did discover that America Ferrara loves the stuff and has been photographed at parties drinking it a lot… party on Ugly Betty!]
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February 26th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
I’d wake up with blood on my ass, and then we’d get high.
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Fist Patrick reply on February 26, 2008:
The Secret Life of America Ferrera
February 26th, 2008 at 3:13 pm
I’m sure this stuff is cheaper than cocaine, eh?
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February 26th, 2008 at 3:13 pm
colin its SQUARED. that means its edgy and cutting edge and taking it to the max. you can’t get to the max without taurine and caffeine. duh.
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February 26th, 2008 at 8:11 pm
this was the ONE WEEKEND where i didn’t black out/vom. more proof that i am actually a gay man, but backward (or inside out, depending on how you look out it).
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February 27th, 2008 at 7:47 am
i drank this stuff once.
i don’t think i puked?
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March 2nd, 2008 at 6:29 am
Come to Dublin and I’ll introduce you to Buckfast… it’s RED WINE with all those loverly, hop-upping chemicals! You’re sure to love.
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Fist Patrick reply on March 2, 2008:
Brianne. That sounds absolutely foul. Do not want.
March 3rd, 2008 at 4:44 pm
are you allowed to drink buckfast with breakfast? sounds like a winning combo/hangover helper.
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