Posted on November 17th, 2007 by Colin
So I had to take a plane today and am away from New York. In North Carolina. So I guess I am the North Carolina correspondent for the day. What do you even call a blog correspondent? A blogespondent? A correblogdent?
While I was on my way down here, I was on Jet Blue. I was obviously watching Food Network, because I needed to watch a Thanksgiving episode of Barefoot Contessa where the ever-wonderful Ina Garten makes a “banana pumpkin mousse torte” (her mother didn’t raise her on traditional pumpkin pies, she explains). A commercial break, between her excited, short breathed tale of how Jeffrey requested she make a turkey instead of ham and preparing two types of cranberry conserves, a commercial came on that made me vomit a little in my mouth.
You know when you want to just eat a salad for dinner because you want to be healthy? Know what would make that salad better? I heaping ladle of sour cream on top.
I’m not going to pretend that once upon a time I didn’t once make a quesadilla out of two stale tortillas, Kraft cheddar, and a spoonful of questionably dated sour cream after 9 pints of Guinness at the bar downstairs. Unlike the people in this commercial, during that period in my life, I was mostly nocturnal and had a growing gut and greasy skin.
The point is, this commercial takes it so far, that, by the end, a whole family is dipping peaches into sour cream together. That’s foul. Afterwards, all I could picture is a horde of obese running across a field with sour cream on their faces, each carrying a tub of the stuff, rapidly dipping anything they can get their hands on in it. Broccoli, peppers, their fingers, grass. Anything. There’s a saying in AA, “before engaging your mouth, put your mind in gear!”
Although there’s also a saying in AA, “take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth,” and I don’t know what the fuck that’s supposed to mean. Sour cream is fucking delicious.
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November 17th, 2007 at 4:01 pm
Hey Fisty,
I’m a little upset over here.
I DEFINITELY made you more than one of those questionable quesadillas in my day. Or at least I did when you were poppin’ Voila Croissants like they were small browns…
And who wouldn’t drink 9 pints of Guinness at $3 a pop? Although they might have a tasted a wee bit more seasonal had we zested a touch of orange rind on top…
Ah, 13th street.
Also I am 100% deevs to sour cream, and also to your aerial blog steeez.
<3,
Eeez
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Fist Patrick reply on November 18, 2007:
Did you ever skim the mold off the top of the large tubs of suspicious sour cream to get to the fresh stuff below? Because I definately did that once or twice to get some of that sweet topping for my ‘dillas in those days. Oh, 13th street.
Today I also saw Tyler Florence make a risotto without using pork fat and it made the baby Jesus cry.
November 19th, 2007 at 8:15 am
why do you know all these AA sayings?
I think the cotton thing is supposed to mean “take the cotton out of your ears because you NEVER LISTEN, you always just TALK, so you know what? PUT that cotton that you took OUT of your ears INTO YOUR MOUTH so you can SHUT UP FOR ONCE, because that way maybe you’ll LISTEN because, as stated earlier, YOU NEVER LISTEN”.
That’s sort of presumptuous, isn’t it? I don’t know how that’s supposed to help you stay sober. AA is stupid.
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