Not that I am one to laugh at celebrities injuring themselves (I am one to laugh at celebrities injuring themselves), but did you hear? Madonna was thrown from a horse! And she’s blaming the paparazzi!  [full story here at Hamptons.com]:

Bridgehampton – The pop star Madonna was released from Southampton Hospital Saturday afternoon after suffering minor injuries and bruises from a fall while horseback riding at photographer Steve Klein’s West Kill Farm in Bridgehampton. According to accounts which are now being disputed, a freelance photographer startled the horse Madonna was riding when he reportedly emerged from a hedgerow to snap a photograph.

According to press accounts, publicist Liz Rosenberg relayed the incident in a statement claiming Madonna’s horse was startled by paparazzi. The freelance photographer in question has countered that his view was obstructed from where he parked on Scuttle Hole Road and since he did not have a clear shot he opted to leave. Upon seeing an ambulance arrive at the scene he reportedly returned to take a photograph.

Let us count the ways that this story is ridiculous:

1) She was at Steven Klein’s estate. Steven Klein might be most famous for his ridiculous (yet sexy?) photos in L’Uomo Vogue. Like that time he dressed up Aaron Carter like a club kid from the 90s? He wishes he could be styled as fresh as the original club kids, the “cutest things” ever to appear on the Joan Rivers show!

This is the company Madonna keeps? This guy is still photographing her alongside the hunks (i.e. the Brad Pitt shoot for Troy a couple years back) and twinks he usually photographs. He’s even photographed her with horses before and just recent shot her with her young Brazilian lover in some scenes that seem very reminiscent of Truth or Dare. I can’t think of anyone photographer more appropriate for an aging gay icon to be hanging out with. And then for this fantasy lifestyle to end with her face down in the mud bucked from a horse? Priceless. It’s the sort of stuff that could inspire a Marilyn Minter painting.

2) The name of the street the photographer is alleged to have ducked into is “Scuttle Hole Road” and all it makes me think of is the term “scuttlebutt”. A paparazzo working for a gossip rag hanging out on Scuttlebutt Road is like the most obvious set up for short storytoy wrote for your seventh grade english honors class. You got a C+.

3) According to Gawker, Liz Rosenberg is a notorious liar (giving more irony to the associative proximity of the word scuttlebutt! Ho!). Most likely Madonna was just being a jackass to the horse and he threw her, and this whole paparazzo story was a tall tale constructed by a lying publicist. Also, the woman looks like this:

Just sayin’.

4) Madonna is about 124 years old and has post menopausal baby fever. She survived falling from a horse with only minor injuries? Fuck. The invasion has already happened and we’re too late to stop it.

We’re going to need stronger forces to stop her from stealing Malwi’s children to use as hosts.

One Response to “Madonna Gets Thrown From A Horse and It Is So Funny”

1. Eeez Says:
   April 30th, 2009 at 3:00 pm

   Scuttle hole is a pretty big deal up in those parts. It’s in Bridgehampton, I think by the young-kids Ross School and maybe near the Hampton Classic. This would make sense.

   Next time you come out for the weekend, I’m giving you a tour. No friend of mine shall be ignorant about the scuttling of holes. Just please try not to get arrested (again). (Canada).

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