Happy Buy Nothing Day, guys! I’m going to sit in my room and not buy anything all day. So excited to do my Christmas shopping on another day instead. Did you all hear about how shopping kills? From newsday.com:  

Bargain-hungry shoppers stepped on a fallen Wal-Mart worker, who died Friday morning, after the crowd knocked down the store’s front doors — and the worker — during the “utter chaos” of a Black Friday shopping melee, Nassau County police said.

“A throng of shoppers . . . physically broke down the doors” at around 5 a.m. Friday and knocked the 34-year-old part-time worker to the ground as the crowd pushed its way into the store at the Green Acres Mall, Nassau police said.

“This crowd was out of control,” said Nassau Police Det. Lt. Michael Fleming, who is investigating the death. He characterized the melee as “utter chaos.”

Fleming said an estimated 2,000 people had gathered in line around 5 a.m. as the store was preparing to open.

Who are these people who go shopping at 4am? What were they shopping for? Are they trying to get the newest X-box release? Also , I’m really curious about the person who got trampled. Was it one of the 90 year old retirees they hire as greeters? This is actually really sad. Are people so pumped for deals this year because the economy is in such a downturn? I’m really hoping that change.gov will find a way to stop shoppers from trampling store employees.

Remember when malls and shopping was a simple joyful activity? I miss my youth and innocence.

Don’t buy anything today, ok?

6 Responses to “Don’t Get Trampled on Black Friday”

1. Arch Says:
   November 28th, 2008 at 1:38 pm

   You’re posting this from the food court at the mall, aren’t you? Tell the truth! As for “what were they shopping for” (i.e. gift suggestions), I’m not sure there’s an It toy/game this year. Don’t sweat it though, your cousins will love their gay uncle just the same.

   I’m kidding — throwing you off track. All that HSM and XBox merch is already tough to find without competition like you out there.

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2. Isaac Says:
   November 28th, 2008 at 3:21 pm

   Devout Saudi Arabians trample each other to death on the Hajj, their pilgrimage to the holy city of Mecca.

   Devout Americans trample each other to death on Black Friday, their annual pilgrimage to the temples of capitalism.

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3. The Discerning Brute Says:
   November 28th, 2008 at 6:43 pm

   This is so crazy! Can you imagine getting killed over a Wii? losing your life for a game system? Now we can officially say from now on that Black Friday literally kills people. Might be the only good thing to come out of this. I feel so bad for that worker & their family.

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4. Andrew D Says:
   November 30th, 2008 at 4:55 am

   you forgot the chick who was 8 months pregers and miscarried as a result of said trampling. This is spiritual decline in its most obtuse form.

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5. Josh Says:
   December 3rd, 2008 at 7:22 am

   Oh, the SeaTac Mall. How it brings me back. I wonder if I was home this year I’d hear the much dreaded “Christmas in the Northwest” as I shopped in my hometown grocery store.

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   kevin reply on December 3, 2008:

   Yes you would – I have already heard it over and over and over and over…

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