You know who doesn’t know that out economy is going under? Damien Hirst. He recently sold The Golden Calf for £10,345,250. (via Towleroad. What? Towleroad reports on art? I had no idea).This is what it looks like.

When I look at this piece, it basically looks like a vanity piece for some astrology obsessed gay who’s a Sagittarius and loves the musical Jesus Christ Superstar. He’ll place it next to his unicorn tapestries.

I have difficulty understanding how anyone would spend so much money on this. At this point in time, Damien Hirst and other artists, such as Jeff Koons and Takashi Murakami, have become more of an industry label. They have entire studios with throngs of artists making work that they then put their name on. So how can any individual piece they sell at this point be considered an important part of art history or a good investment to someone with millions to spend on a new piece for their collection? Good friend and confidant Paul explained it to me today:

me:  Damien Hirst’s “The Golden Calf” sells for £10,345,250:
Paul:  oh yes
me:  shiiiiiiit
that’s like 25 million dollars
Paul:  i have been shocked and dismayed at thi act as it’s unfolded over the past few weeks
me:  yeah, it’s shocking
what I read said the work was created solely for auction?
Paul:  he has so many minions churning out SO MUCH SHIT that in two years he has like 250 works that havent been sold
like, not little doodles or things
but HUGE stuff like the calf, etc
me:  wow
Paul:  so he decided he’d just consign all of it to Sotheby’s London
for an estimate of over £100million
it’s absurd
me:  wow
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!
Paul:  and then as the auction went on, he sat at home playing snooker getting live updates
hahaha
me:  FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PAUL!!!!
oh, off topic, I’m getting a new tattoo tonight
are you doing pro ro? I’ll come by after it’s done
Paul:  yea
pro ro for sure
me:  I’m so confused why rich people think work from people like him or jeff koons will be a good investment
because at that level, you really are making an investment
not just buying something pretty
Paul:  yea
i have no idea
me:  it’s like, these men are such factories, and they maybe didn’t even make the work even if they’re name and brand is on it
Paul:  or, they want a status symbol. i can just imagine all these new rich in Kamchatka or wherever wanting a status piece
me:  so how on earth is this piece going to be important in art history or gain value
yeah, I guess that makes sense
when you think about it as an international market
and not as just saatchi
Paul:  yea
over a 3rd of their buyers are in the middle east
me:  wow
Paul:  every sheik and amir wants their own
i sort of obsess over these stupid things
Paul:  “Hirst’s supposed satire: everybody nods knowingly – even the collector spending £10.3 million on The Golden Calf, a brazen symbol of false idolatry, is meant to be implicated in the foolishness of loving money too much – but nobody, especially not Hirst, ever really bears the brunt of it.”
Paul:  haha
yea
basically it’s come to a point where he’s minting his own currency
just as bad as Dalí importing blank sheets of paper and canvas with his signature that he could just fill in with scribble
THAT is probably one of the most brilliant antics that still tops Hirst and Warhol to this day
haha

I guess at some point I have to wonder how the sort of aesthetic featured in that hit movie starring J-Lo, The Cell, became so popular with the obsenely rich art buyers of the world. Is this a case of taste trickling upwards from the masses? Damien Hirst is soooooo 90s! Is this more proof that the 90s are “so in right now”?

God, if only I had bought the special collector’s edition DVD. It might be worth money.

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