Cruisin' Worldwide Underground

Posted on February 27th, 2008 by Vagenius

With the eyes and ears of a giant manbaby, I have a good amount of difficulty adopting the “New York attitude” of remaining ignorant to everyone and everything in public settings. That being said, it’s hard to not get caught up in some of the especially intriguing sights that happen specifically in New York’s underground lairs. Here are some of my recent favorites:

Metroplus

What’s MetroPlus? I think it’s exclusive to minorities. Oh, wait…

Football Neck

Floppy hair and football neck? Sign me up. Whatever, I like doctors appointments. And football necks.

Canal St

Whoa, it’s like Hitchcock in here, you guys! Or a filthy steam room where men engage in relations with one another (no, srsly, I’ve read that it happens…a lot).

Chaka Khan

Ch-ch-chaka Khan’s in The Color Purple on Broadway! With another Black guy! And she’s…blind? (Open your eyes, Khan!) The question, however, remains: why does the blacked-out toof look completely natural? Is it because her eyes are closed, which is already retarded in its own right?

For reals, though, if the show didn’t look blasphemously bad (and if I weren’t still completely indebted to Fat Oprah), I would see it because when Chaka Khan screams music, I listen.

Femur

Monkeys

Animal Planet’s new ad campaign as part of their image re-branding completely takes advantage of the lesbian tour guide inside me. Look at the expression on that femur’s face! He looks like a brat, and that’s amazing to me. That orangutan looks like someone I know, and that both confuses and delights me.

If you’re like me, this commercial will make you involuntarily weak in the kegels, if you know what I mean:

2 Responses to “Worldwide Underground”

  1. Fist Patrick Says:
    February 27th, 2008 at 11:27 am

    That animal planet campaign is actually shot by Jill Greenberg, a favorite artist of mine. I saw this work’s beginnings in the 2006 Armory Show.

    My personal favorite work of hers is something she did later… something that I can only describe as crying, fashion babies.

    Her work is here.

    [reply this comment]

  2. Fonzie Zakaria Says:
    February 27th, 2008 at 10:15 pm

    That lemur looks like a bitch! And the galangalang looks like my grandma!

    [reply this comment]

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