To steal Seinfeld’s format for my opening here – what’s with this trend in Hollywood with making movies that look like they should be horrible that somehow turn out super enjoyable? First there was my experience with Beverly Hills Chihuahua. Now there is Hot Tub Time Machine. To get an idea of what an awful idea this movie at first seemed to be, check out the trailer below:

And boy was I proven wrong! I saw a preview with bloggy buddies Sorry I Missed Your Party and Hard Liquor, Soft Holes at the Regal on 42nd Street and 8th on Tuesday (the one next to the Dallas BBQ that I obvs hit up for a Texas Size Beer and a burger after wards). I actually laughed a lot and wasn’t totally bored/annoyed with the movie. AND THIS IS THE PART WHERE I ANNOUNCE SPOILER ALERT!

I like dude comedies for the most part. I like raunchy humor (although fart jokes can get a bit old) and I LOVE comedy created around despairing, depressed people who are kind of awesome but crushed by the world (because I kind of relate). My one big usual critique of dude comedies is that they normally circulate around straight male fantasies where everything around them must be subjugated to their will to find happiness. This is where the film surprised me, they introduce a satirical version of this ending with Rob Corddry’s character.

On top of that Rob Corddry just CRUSHES IT with his performance. He really carried the whole film for me.

His character plays a total alcoholic depressing fuck-up named Lou whose friends all ignore him and who MAYBE tries to commit suicide at the beginning (it’s never totally clear if it was just an accident that looked like suicide or if the bender he was on was intentionally self destructive). John Cusack, his nephew played by proto-Judah-Friedlander Clark Duke, and Craig Robinson take him on a retreat to a ski lodge where they had wild times when they were younger. Upon arrival, the place turns out to be falling apart, full of olds, and no longer a good times place, so they all get wasted in the hot tub. In a barely explained premise, some wacky Russian energy drink turns the hot tub into a time machine (the name of the movie does not lie!) that brings them back to the their youth. The rest of the exposition here doesn’t really matter enough for me to type out in detail.

The important thing is that what happens allows the future to change, because the guys, as their younger selves (always represented by their older selves on screen) change their past actions. The typical tension between loving the ‘good old party times’ and the ‘responsibilities of adult life’ arise. The men use their knowledge of the future to do things that will make their previous lives, which have such not-big-deal problems as unfaithful wives, difficulties dating and shitty jobs, into the lives they always wanted.

Two of the character’s endings are boring – but Rob Corrdy! Here’s where Rob Corddry’s character arc really makes the film work for me. His future, fantasy self has hair instead of growing bald, but it’s weird crazy Siegfriend and Roy Hair! He invents Google but names it Lougle (after his character’s name)! He just runs with it and creates this total parody of the normal straight-dude fantasy ending that is genuinely funny and critical at the same time!

Other things to note about the film:

• It is incredibly raunchy. Every body fluid get screen time. Blood, cum, vomit, piss, you name it.
• There’s a good amount of uncomfortable homoerotic moments.
• There is a time traveling squirrel that is actually kind of a funny running joke.
• Bad jokes about eighties trends really take a back seat to the raunchy humor. There’s really a lot less jokes about bad trends and fashions than I expected, which is GOOD because those jokes are pretty played out.
• John Cusack smokes bong rips, snorts coke, eats mushrooms and then dresses up like a crazy homeless lady on the Upper East Side (or maybe just old Edie from Grey Gardens?) and wanders around and it is soooo funny.
• Lizzy Caplan, known for her break out role as the goth girl in Mean Girls, plays Cusack’s love interest. I am a huge fan of hers from her work on the amazing Party Down (the best show hardly anyone watches) and while her role isn’t written very well (She’s kinda a cliché ‘free spirit who helps Cusack remember ‘how to live.’ Whatever, right?) I am really happy to see her getting work.
• Did I mention John Cusack takes tons of drugs and wanders around dressed in glasses that look like they were purchased on the street from st marks and some ragged but fancy looking fur jacket and scarf?

So good job Hot Tub Time Machine! You sure showed me not to judge a movie by a trailer!

So I went to go see Valentine’s Day on Valentine’s Day. Buying a ticket for 1 adult online makes me laugh so hard at myself.

I should have shown up with a box of chocolates all for myself and then gone to a restaurant and yelled, “Excuse me! Waiter! I’ll be having the ‘Sweetheart’s Special’ for 1 please.”

True story though: I actually saw it with two of my besties and just bought the ticket by myself and we had juice boxes of pinot grigio. So in reality not as funny and actually kinda a normal experience!!!

But let’s talk about the movie.

I don’t want to do a full exegesis or review. I don’t think I can do better than Manohla Dargis’ brilliant take on the movie, describing the film as  a “dire romantic comedy.” And boy is this movie dire!!!

The film is just so full of anachronistic elements, so I am just gonna throw them all out there:

• The Taylor Swift/Taylor Lautner storyline has no real plot arch, but somehow is one of the best parts of the movie?
• Shirley MacLaine’s performance is the only thing that saves her storyline.
• Anne Hathaway/Topher Grace’s plot line is laughable. Anne Hathaway is in no way a convincing phone sex operator and I didn’t think for a second that Topher was actually pissed off or turned off by her chosen profession.
• Julia Roberts is in the movie for 6 minutes and it’s been reported she made 3 million dollars.
• Jessica Biel is WAY too hot (and her character dresses like she knows it) to be a believable dorky outsider.
• Patrick Dempsey juggles lemons to make a really obvious pun on how he’s cheating on his wife with Jennifer Garner.
• The gay “surprise” is pretty weird and involves a mystery man appearing to tickle Eric Dane’s face with flowers.
• A large part of the action takes place at an Indian Restaurant for no real reason.
• Ok, I almost cried at the end of Julia Robert’s plotline, when she shows up at home and hugs her kid.
• Queen Latifah, as always, was flawless. But can she please play a lesbian already?

So, if you liked In Her Shoes and weren’t bothered by the random Jamaican Wedding at the end, you will probably love this movie! That being said, it’s entirely “sit through-able.” I didn’t once feel like it was totally unwatchable. If you decide to watch this, just make sure you have a box of wine nearby.

This last weekend I saw the modern urban tale much publicized by executive producers Tyler Perry and Oprah Winfrey, Precious. SPOILER ALERT! It’s depressing!!!

Want to read some reviews? I was really impressed by Armond White’s review for the New York Press heavily crticizing the identity politics at play in the story. But for a white gay male review, which I figure is more applicable to the readership here, I’d suggest Rich’s review on his blog FourFour (which actually tries to serve as a response to some of White’s criticisms).

My opinion is pretty simple and I’m not going to spend a lot of time explaining or defending it. I liked Precious. However, I think that the hype is more due to sensational subject matter rather than the actual film making. I thought Mo’Nique’s scenes were fairly manipulative storytelling and maybe would make more sense in a short format rather than a feature length film. My favorite parts were actually the classroom scenes, which abandoned the stylized, grease smeared, low lit scenes of abuse in Precious’ apartment for a more improvised, almost cinema verité style and tone. The way I see the movie, Lee Daniels used so many different styles of storytelling in this movie that there are basically 4 different movies smushed together in one. I think it’s effective, since different people will probably relate to these very different moments, causing the emotional impact to effect a wider audience. But it’s not something I would label as anything more than mediocre film making.

What I’m interested in, which no one seems to have pointed out, are a couple moments where, when one considers the star power/personas associated with the film, real life and the story being told seemed to clash for a moment in the way that we as an audience might react.

The first one  was a scene when Precious and the alterna-schooled kids actually start talking about people watching Oprah. I can’t help but question whether or not this qualifies as a shameless shill. Yes, in 1987 Oprah was a common cultural touchstone for people to relate with. But since she’s attached as an executive producer, is this a secret sell of her brand/identity/show? All I remember is that the dialogue about Oprah went on for what seemed like a really long time.

The second, and by far the more important moment, is when Precious is at the welfare office and askes Mariah Carey ( playing her social worker) “What are you?” And then Mariah doesn’t tell her. Because it’s a secret. Forever I just thought Mariah Carey was a white girl, but then, when one considers all these different racial minority groups that seem to relate to her, I just don’t know anymore. And maybe, just maybe, I came out of the film thinking the real point of Precious was to get me to question Mariah Carey’s racial identity. Not that I’d ever think something so shallow and flippant after watching a movie that tackles heavier issues.

What are you Mariah?!!1!!

Are you Mexican, Mariah?

Are you Black, Mariah?

Are you Italian Mariah?

Are you Irish, Mariah?

Are you Alien, Mariah?

WHAT ARE YOU MARIAH?!?!?!

So who’s seen Whip It so far? I saw it this last weekend and was going to write a review but my buddy Gabe Liedman, who has also contributed here at The Social Crisis, wrote a better review than I could ever hope to construct over at Videogum. He’s so right! Drew Barrymore is a real life Benjamin Button! I also share his fantasy of calling Holly Hunter for advice, mostly because Living Out Loud is one of my favorite movies of all time because I fantasize about going to Meow Mix with Queen Latifah in the 90s. But I digress! Point is Gabe is a genius, and you should be reading his review, and I shouldn’t be trying to one up him with one of my own because I would fail.

I couldn’t help myself, and started looking at roller derby leagues around the U.S. They got one thing wrong… most of the girls are not quite the Suicide Girls the movie depicts, with the MAJOR exception that is the alternative sexiness that exists in the Portland teams, the Rose City Rollers. However, It looks like the writers and producers and Drew Barrymore picked up on one awesome stereotype when they cast the movie. Roller Derby coaches almost always really, really hot, and Andrew Wilson in Whip It is a fine example of the sort of totally crushable male hotties you can expect to see. (Just in case you’re wondering, that last sentance just landed me a job as the editor of Tiger Beat magazine).

The following are some prime examples of male meat you can expect to see in this mostly girl dominated sport. (And in case you were wondering, THAT last sentence just landed me a job writing for Cosmo. This post has basically launched my career as a very highly sought after woman’s magazine editor.)

Flying Squirrel, Manager for the Gotham Girls Roller Derby:

The coach for the Portland Rose City Rollers‘ Wheels of Justice:

Also in the Rose City Rollers, Portland’s Fresh Meat Program:

Coach for the TXRD Lonestar Rollergirl’s Hellcats:

Know of any other hot roller derby guys? Send them to me or put them in the comments.

Have you guys seen this movie Up? I just saw it last night, and did you all know this movie is a total tearjerker? Because I had no idea. The trailer below just makes it seem like a kooky comedy where a crotchety old man and a young, awkward fat boy go on zany adventures.

(Sorry, I have to use the lame CelebTV trailer which is tacky because of the promotional bug, but for some reason the official trailer prohibits embedding)

This may be one of the most misleading pieces of marketing I have seen… ever? Let me give you the scoop on the actual movie. It is not just zany adventures and animated physical comedy. A quick taste is below, don’t worry no real spoilers.

So the real plot actually involve an old man’s quest to redeem what he feels is a wasted life. The entire thing opens with a short scene in which he meets the woman who will become the love of their life through their mutual love of adventure and both idolize a cinema adventure hero who captures exotic creatures. They fantasize about a location in South America in the jungle mentioned in a documentary featuring said hero called Paradise Falls and vow to one day move their house on top of the waterfall. The opening montage shows how life gets in the way of such dreams, as the two kids grow up, romance each other, get married, and grow old, all while holding onto the dream of one day moving to paradise falls. The old man’s wife dies before they can accomplish the dream, and this is where the actual story begins. I was already bawling at this point and was only about 5 minutes into the piece.

Basically the real meat of the plot is about the old man’s quest to accomplish his dream on behalf of his deceased wife Ellie. He has to move his house (which he refers to as Ellie throughout the movie and serves as an obvious metaphor for the baggage he carries with him due to the loss of his soul mate) with the help of an awkward and lonely chubby boyscout from a divorced family. Even the characters that would normally cheapen the plot, like an awkward colorful bird that has all sorts of slapstick body movements and a cute, loyal, but dumb golden retriever, are used in intentional and well crafted ways that never spoil the more intimate moments in the film (my main complaint with Wall-E). The entire adventure is really just a MacGuffin to explore themes of loss, aging, hope, and redemption.

Basically I was crying about every 10 minutes, tears screaming out from under my 3D glasses (which is kind of embarrassing?).

Will kids understand this? I still remember how sad I was when Bambi’s mother died. Is this movie like Bambi for a new generation? Probably not, but it was incredibly refreshing to see a cross generational children’s movie that relies on solid storytelling instead of the piece of shit Shrek model which resorts to fart jokes and pop culture references.

Remember when the Where The Wild Things Are that everyone was so exited about. Every blog was like, “OMG, it looks so good, we can’t make fun of it. This has awesome indie cred,” and all your friends were posting it to Facebook like somehow you wouldn’t have heard about it otherwise (you know, it’s not like it has millions of dollars in marketing backing it and working to create hype). Well a little while ago, that trailer and its popularity got its comeuppance in the form of brilliant parody. Not that it really deserved “comeuppance,” but when the trailer was released I basically had people shoving it up all my holes and am happy to see it made fun of.

Landline TV presents Spike Jonze’s new original movie, Everyone Poops.

Highlights:

• The parents freaking out in the beginning
• The talking toilet
• The unicorn explaining to Amanda while looking at a creek bed “This is where poop goes.” Raw sewage anyone?
• Triumphant self discovery at the end
• The tagline “Inside all of is… poop.”
• So many tiny details, like the dancing, it makes my head explode

For those who don’t know, Everyone Poops is a book, originally authored in Japan by  Taro Gomi featuring amazing illustrations of animals demonstrating a basic law of being alive — what goes in must come out. Below you can see some tween with a dog and a stuffed  Elmo doll read the book aloud, so that you can either relive your childhood potty training or regress to a toddler like state of wonder:

That being said I am still pretty excited to see Where The Wild Things Are, cliched indie tropes and all.

So I went to go see Obsessed this weekend with my buddies over at Steeez. We basically all got a bit hammered and enjoyed the fuck out of the movie. It was great, Ali Larter is a true early 90s villainous vixen. Beyonce wasn’t bad either, and Idris Alba is pretty foxy himself.

Keeez made this sweet re-cap. I think it pretty accurately describes the entire plot of the movie. This movie basically goes perfect with whiskey and coke. You basically can just get drunk at home and watch this YouTube video over and over and save yourself the cost of a movie ticket though.

Also, before going to see the movie that night, a friend of mine for real overheard this conversation at the dentist:

“the latin and black receptionists where like “yeahh. mmmhmmm we’re drinking sake bombs and going to see Obsessed“

Those receptionists had the right idea!

How great was Gus Van Sant’s new movie, Milk? Really, really great. I don’t think I’ve been so moved by a film in a long time. I know I’ve made a little bit of fun here and there and talked about how I would have hated being an extra, but it turned out to be a great film. Here’s the trailer for those lame people who have no idea what I’m talking about: 

I know a lot of people have complained about the film not being “Gus Van Sant-y” enough. It was a very straightforward historical piece. It had a very obvious narrative. It wasn’t something I would ever call “experimental.” And I think that’s why it succeeded and will become a film that matters, because it wasn’t so much about art and form, it was about telling an important story. 

I was also mostly worried that Sean Penn’s performance would be annoying. That was not the case. Thank the acting gods for that one.

This film succeeded on a number of levels. First of all, it lucked out to be released during a time when it is incredibly relevant.  With Barack Obama as the first African American president elect, we’re witnessing for the first time in history a person of a racial minority in one of the most powerful positions in our country. Harvey Milk became the first openly gay man elected to public office in California. The parallels there are obvious enough. As if that wasn’t enough the tale of Proposition 6, which would have allowed given schools ground to fire gay and lesbian teachers based on their sexuality and the campaign launched by that bitch Anita Bryant mirror the recent battles against Proposition 8 and the campaign funded largely by the Church of Latterday Saints. 

Whatever you want to think or say about Proposition 8, and I know there are those that think otherwise,  Proposition 8 was a bill that was about discrimination. It sought to take away civil liberties from a specific group of people much like Proposition 6 sought to discriminate against gays and lesbians by expelling them from our educational system. I strongly believe that equal marriage rights for gays and lesbians could easily lead to solving other issues for the queer community. I think it’s an appalling example of democracy’s failures that Propsition 8 passed.

That being said, I think the by coincidence of current events, Milk has become one of the most important films that could have been made for the queer community at this point in time.  Read More!

I finally got a chance to see Otto; or Up With Dead People, the latest Bruce LaBruce film which had its New York premiere at MoMA on Monday. I’ve been excited about this for the last year ever since it premiered at Sundance. In case you forgot, here’s the awesome trailer all over again, with music by CocoRosie that uses a sample of a kitty meowing.

Honestly, it was pretty much everything I was hoping for. My only criticism is that I think there should have been more explicit sex and gore. Considering the incredibly hot sex scenes in Raspberry Reich, I was expecting to see some actual cum shots. But it’s exactly what it’s been described as, a melancholy movie about a zombie with an identity crisis. Strangely, while I found the film to be more “mild” than “wild,” there’s been a myriad of reactions to the film because of it’s strong content. Read More!

Beverly Hills Chihuahua was so great. It’s the biggest upset of the fall. I went expecting a low quality, offensive film and came out highly entertained and in a great mood. Possibly, this may be because of what I’ll label the “post debate Palin critique” factor; my expectations were so low, that just because the movie was didn’t utterly fail, I consider it a success. The New York Times does go far enough to call it “reasonably diverting,” so I might not be completely in left field with my opinions on this movie.

The truth of the matter is, I went expecting offensive crap and came out thinking about buying the DVD. I spent some time over lunch today explaining this movie’s charm via gChat to good friend Gabe Liedman. Our discussion of the film after the jump. Read More!