It’s St. Paddy’s Day weekend! This is a big deal, at least for me, because I am Irish.

Last year was a little bit of a bust. I made some corned beef, cabbage, potatoes, and carrots as well as served my mother’s award winning soda bread, and only about 3 people could make it.

I’ve have been trying to re-create my family’s tradition of having a yearly Irish feast, and this year it looks like I’ve done it. I can’t tell you the recipe because it’s an ancient Irish secret, but it involves a mustard glaze and braising the meat for a minumum of 4 hours. The cabbage and potatoes and carrots are then boiled in the same water you pre-boil the corned beef in. Meaty! It’s definately a meal worth celebratring.

I just found out good friend Gabe Liedman will be in attendanceand we had a little chat about how this is the sort of meal that will make all the boys fall in love. Our chitty chat after the jump. Read More!

Happy Valentine’s Day, guys. I hope all you single men go out and get laid and that all you people in meaningful relationships do something you love together.

I’m currently in Dublin visiting my sister. I thought they might not have Valentine’s day here, but they do. I couldn’t escape. But the good news is I get to hit on European men while I am here. I made this Valentine just for the event of a hot vacationship while I am here.

This is made with color pencils and glitter glue. Just call me Martha Stewart. Can’t wait to see more of gay Dublin tonight!

Last night I was watching Logo. Because it’s a homosexual station and I am a homosexual. Also, the televised version of Angels in America was on, and I think Tony Kushner’s gay fantasia is one of the most important pieces of theater in the past century. I can tell that Logo is a station for me because it shows the following types of ads during the commericial breaks:

I feel so represented!!1!!1! Guys from Spain are always soooo interesting. If I had a “type,” I would say my “type” is “interesting.”

Point is some in house ad came on with Varla Jean Merman where she talks about how it’s National Drag Month and that I should care for some reason. First I was offended, because in my head I thought it was February and that Logo was trying to steal Black History Month for drag queens/kings. Then my acid flashback ceased, and I realized it’s January and calmed down. While I don’t really think drag merits a “history month” and would be happier to see a National Transpeople’s Month, it did get me thinking — if I were to do drag what would my drag name be?

For porn, I’ve already decided that the funniest porn name possible is Daikon Radish. For one it’s a vegetable and lacks any overt innuendo, but when you think about it it’s basically a large dildo that is the size of something you’d see someone at The Eagle sit down on.  Also, it’s healthy! Also a title screen that scrolled text along the lines of “Slutty Summer 8: One Blew His Wad Over the Cuckoo’s Nest starring Daikon Radish” is super funny to me. Best. Porn. Name. Ever.

But if I was to do drag? I’m thinking maybe Babooshka. Because of the following video (just wait for it, you’ll see why):

Kate Bush is such a genius that she both can create a modern dance where a cello represents the “husband” in the song and that babooshka no longer means a Russian grandmother, but rather a weird Caligula inspired sex kitten with crazy back lighting. Basically I think if I did drag I would want to represent the same sort of inane, asynchronous ethic.

But really, what would my drag name be?

Fred Phelps and all the human shitstains at Westboro Baptist have issued their annual Christmas video, which is like if Weird Al wrote lyrics to a holiday song, but if Weird Al was one of the worst people in the world.

Golf claps for the “Santa Fag” sign, though.  That one’s totes true.

Happy Buy Nothing Day, guys! I’m going to sit in my room and not buy anything all day. So excited to do my Christmas shopping on another day instead. Did you all hear about how shopping kills? From newsday.com:  

Bargain-hungry shoppers stepped on a fallen Wal-Mart worker, who died Friday morning, after the crowd knocked down the store’s front doors — and the worker — during the “utter chaos” of a Black Friday shopping melee, Nassau County police said.

“A throng of shoppers . . . physically broke down the doors” at around 5 a.m. Friday and knocked the 34-year-old part-time worker to the ground as the crowd pushed its way into the store at the Green Acres Mall, Nassau police said.

“This crowd was out of control,” said Nassau Police Det. Lt. Michael Fleming, who is investigating the death. He characterized the melee as “utter chaos.”

Fleming said an estimated 2,000 people had gathered in line around 5 a.m. as the store was preparing to open.

Who are these people who go shopping at 4am? What were they shopping for? Are they trying to get the newest X-box release? Also , I’m really curious about the person who got trampled. Was it one of the 90 year old retirees they hire as greeters? This is actually really sad. Are people so pumped for deals this year because the economy is in such a downturn? I’m really hoping that change.gov will find a way to stop shoppers from trampling store employees.

Remember when malls and shopping was a simple joyful activity? I miss my youth and innocence.

Don’t buy anything today, ok?

Happy Halloween, guys! Buddies Gabe and Jenny just made a new scary video, “The Curse of Cindy McCain.” So scared about the undecided voters, guys.

I went away to Provincetown this weekend for my last true vacation of the summer. Best summer ever guys! We all need to keep in touch when we go college in the fall! Nothing can break the bonds of our friendship! I’m gonna miss you all so much!

You guys have all been to P-Town already, right? Because this was my first time and I’m a little bit in love with the place. I also came back with a set of Saved By The Bell “The College Years” trading cards, lip gloss in a container shaped like a toilet, and Celine Dion’s driver’s liscense (it’s class “DIVA”), gifted (pronounced jifted) to me by the incredibly funny Dina Martina. She’s a Seattle drag queen that brings drag to a transcendent level of comedy; I am hesitant to even call her a drag queen, because she’s just a drag creature. You just have to see one of her shows to understand, and I highly recommend it to any of you still going out to P-town this August.

I never really knew that a Cape Cod loving white Anglo Saxon Protestant lay deep within my hard working and drinking Irishman’s soul, but there’s one deep down in there, enjoying watercress and cucumber sandwiches, playing tennis, and arrogantly dismissing all poor people. After visiting, all I really want to do is run away for the next three months in a sea shanty on the beach, watch the weather turn into fall, and try and write the next great American novel.

The big gossip while I was there was that Andrew Sullivan had recently bought the last small apartment on the tip of Captain Jack’s. The place seriously looks like this:

How do I become Andrew Sullivan’s houseboy?

Yes, these homes might be whimsical and childish looking. I recognize this. They also kind of look like where the Pirates of the Carribean (from the Disneyland ride, not the ones in the movie based on the ride) might live. But I also find them to be completely desirable living accommodations? Is this ok or do I need to be saved from my own bad taste?

I’m leaving for the West Coast guys. Going camping with some friends. Going camping in conjunction with Lazy Bear Weekend!

The only problem with this is that as publisher and editor of this blog, there will be nothing new here to entertain you until I get back. The Social Crisis will return in a week, ya’ll.

But really, guys, I’m going to be camping and running around in the woods and making masks. I need to know my spirit animal for this crazy vision quest I’m about to embark on in northern California. Some have suggested that it’s a red panda, although I think I’m more like a koala. Obviously an internet poll posted in my absence is the best way to determine this. Find the poll after the jump. Read More!

Comedian John Roberts has a new video in honor of this past mother’s day. As much as I hate posting someone else’s video when I have nothing original original to say, his work merits a mention. Because this shit makes me LOL.

Love and respect your mother, guys. You came out of her.

Hey guys. It’s spring. I redid my backyard just so that I can have you all over.

I can’t wait, guys! Let the good times BBQ bonanzas roll! You’ll know who I am because I’ll be the one wearing wearing shorts and Toms (with no socks) all weekend.