My buddies have this pretty fresh band called The NUDES. They have a tumblr.

So I got this pretty fresh musical persona you might not know about. It’s called Cold Coconuts. Sometimes I show up at Savalas, mostly for my friends DJ sets. It gives me lots of inspiration for my own shit. I think it’s really important to have gay representation in the class of cutting edge cultural producers.

You know it’s real because I already have an EP cover for when I finally figure out how to make some beats in Garageband. Kyle nudes designed the cover, it’s pretty fresh.

Cold Coconuts got fuckin’ BLAZED and hung out with the nudes a little while ago. It was pretty fresh. You can see their blog about it here.

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This particular piece is kind of like a David Hockney inspired softcore gay porn, I guess. But I’m not really blogging about this party so I can discuss the art. I will say this before I move on, I wasn’t particularly moved and while I wouldn’t say I disliked the work, there was something I found strangely dated about it. There’s something about this show that is a strange combination of a really emo teenager’s livejournal pics and the kind of electroclash glamour popular circa 2002. While viewing the work, I also uncontrollabley exclaimed, “God, I wish there was some actual dick in these pictures instead of the artfully covered fashion bullshit.” But for reals, the art is nothing I’d rave about but also not anything I feel the need to rail against.

But what I really need to talk about here was what a strange scene this opening was.

The opening was thrown by People’s Revolution, most famous currently as the employer of Whitney Port of The Hills and The City. Also, years and years ago, their founder Kelly Cutrone told some story to my employer at the time about how she snorted an 8 ball of coke after her divorce. She told this story while in a professional setting discussing business development. So basically, I assume she’s a lunatic, albeit very, very successful.

At 7pm they were serving Belvedere vodka mixed with Red Bull… at an art opening. I don’t think I’ve ever seen energy drinks served at an art opening. Also… top shelf premium vodka? These sort of excesses were pretty astounding considering that this is a non-profit art institution. As far as I know, no one’s really selling work right now, so how big of a success did they think the show could be? Perhaps People’s Revolution could make this possible considering all the free labor they must get these days from pretty young girls and boys trying to emulate Whitney Port’s televised life path.

More important to note however was the the strange crowd control that was going on. I could only describe the door at the party as:

Basically (if you can follow this), I had RSVPed for the list, received a confirmation, then received a second email a couple hours later saying the RSVP was closed (which I ignored because it was ill worded and didn’t say anything about not being on the list) and then had to bullshit my way into the door. Thank god I am attractive enough and work in media, because otherwise that experience would have been the worst. Instead of mentioning my legitimate job, I kind of wish I had just said, “Don’t you know who I am? I am a blogger!” and stormed in.

According to press release I read later, potential guests were to include Ally Hilfiger, Amanda Setton, Kelly Bensimon, Leighton Meester, Lorenzo Martone, Michael Stipe, Olivia Palermo, Rufus Wainwright, and Theodora Richards. While Rufus Wainwright and Michael Stipe make sense as guests at an event like this… Leighton Meester?

I would really actually have loved it if Ms. Meester had shown because she seems super cool in real life, but I can’t help but giggle about how Blair Waldorf must LOVE smutty Polaroids. The only one I saw actually at the event was Michael Stipe, whose become quite the daddy bear! But then Richie Rich showed up and I had weird flashbacks to running around Luxx in 2002, and was like “This party’s over” and had to leave. Definitely not the sort of experience worth any sort of real hassle, so please tell your interns to calm down, Kelly Cutrone.

P.S. I love love love the phrase cunty party.

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Normally I immediately reject any friend requests from bands who I do not know. Recently, however, I made an expception to the rule because this one band had such a sweet picture. I took a second, listened to their music, and was blown away. As I’ve expressed before, I am a sucker for lo-fi sound. Also a sucker for  lo-fi electronic music. And these guys sucked me in with their charm and grace and amazing style, and as I can’t seem to find anyone who’s blogged about them, I had to do it here.

Gentlemen, please meet The Hmmm.

The Hmmm are two dudes, Hayden and Jacob, who claim to be husbands. They  out in L.A. who have totally fresh style and do a totally post electro-clash version of lo-fi indie electro. Also, I have mad internet crush on both these boys. They’re way cute, which always makes music sound better, right? I sure hope they’re swingers, because I would love to get in between that.

Reasons why they are the most crush-able lesser known indie act online after the jump.

1) After accepting their friend request, they sent me a picture of Spike from Gremlins 2: The New Batch (one of the greatest movies of all time I might add) while he’s still in Mogwai form playing around in a vat of colorful candies. See below:

This immediately internet endeared them to me as they obviously took the time to recognize we were now internet friends and to send me a picture of something that I specifically would appreciate. (Boys, please take note: I instantly crush on people who are into crazy imagery, please send me pictures of alternative icons and nostalgia. Extra points for creating cool Photoshop collages or blingies or sparkly .gifs.)

2) They have amazing fan art already. This dude made this for them and it makes me die because it’s so cute.

3) They have mad awesome personal style. Check out the following images. I totally want to party with these dudes.

Also, great facial hair!

4) They bake!

5) Their music is actually pretty fresh. While I’m a sucker for the genre, I think it’s actually pretty great quality. It’s like Magnetic Fields meets Casiotone for the Painfully Alone meets Beat Happening meet M83 or something like that. I dunno, I wasn’t a music major in college. Just did digital art. Hard for me to determine influences and musical history and all that. Do you have your post 2k music history textbook handy?

While I wanted to post some mp3s here for download, I couldn’t find any because they have not been blogged about on Hype Machine. So you’ll have to listen to it streaming off their MySpace page. Enjoy these fresh beats, guys. Hope you all crush on them as hard as I do.

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But there is one thing I will miss. And that thing is Sparks. Sparks Light (in the blue can) to be specific. Like this one time? We made a weird music video with me and my friends to the song “Careless Whisper”? And we made a Sparks keg by pouring a ton of it into a ice tea container? And all got disgusted because the foam that came off the container was solid and wouldn’t dissolve, much like sea foam on the beach. That was when I learned to only drink the stuff out of a can. And now, as most of you have heard, the Attorney General has declared that we can no longer imbibe of this holy water for hipsters.

[img via Hipster Runnoff]

Now no one has memorialized Spark quite like artist Nathan Danilowicz, with his Sparks Christ, Baby Sparks Christ, Sparks Teeth, and other Sparks based projects, but I will do my best. So now, a poem:

Sparks, like a light in the dark
You keep me up all night
Like the song of the lark

I drink you in the early evening
So awake
Ready to go to a bar
And be irresponsible

You are orange
Like a tabby cat
Or a street sign that flashes “Stop”
Hope my insides turn that color

Whoops
Someone is in my bed
Condom lies on floor
Good job, Sparks
Tastes like success

How can I live without?
I can haz Sparks? I can’t haz. Fail.

When I am at the pearly gates
I will ask St. Peter for one last Sparks
And find you there
A can with wings and a halo
Red Bull can suck it

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Via HRO.

Fun fact: This takes place in Seattle! On Capitol Hill by the reservoir! How authentically alternative!

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I can only think of one other artist that has utilized a unicorn in her media image.

Also? His band has this amazing game that has nothing to do with their music. Granted the game isn’t so original, it’s basically SNOOD (or Bust-A Move, or a variety of other classic games) all over again. But considering that in the PNAU game, you shoot colored balls out of a stubby pink penis, evil tomatoes dance at the top, and a small alien lives in the corner of the screen, I have to say I far prefer the PNAU version just for the graphics alone. It’s the best usage of retro graphics and psychedelia in interactive marketing I’ve seen in a while. The only game I can think of that out does it better is the king of retro games online, Dino Run.

So we have video games, unicorns… and did I mention, as I found out via HRO today, he loves to take his shirt off? I just think that it’s adorable when guys who lack some sort of idealized body love showing off their own naked torso. He kind of has a beer pooch in his gut, and isn’t what I would call muscular or toned in any sense of the word. I guess maybe he could be called twinky? I hate reducing people to labels.

After the jump, every single possible picture of Nick Littlemore with his shirt off I could find online.

It just makes me want to get shirtless together and smooch.

Seen any I missed? Feel free to post a link in the comments or send them along to editor [at symbol] socialcrisis.net.

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I’ll write something of substance this week once the people around me stop being pedantic and my life becomes more pedestrian.

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It’s a new Cazwell single, predictably titled “I Saw Beyonce At Burger King,” released as a “viral video,” I am assuming, to try and get hype for his upcoming album Get Into It!

I really wanted to like it. Cazwell’s good looks (and kind of sexy crooked tooth?) make me think dirty thoughts, and it’s a proven fact that good looks can help make up for a lack of true musical talent. His first hit (if you can call it that, because it was probably only popular with urban gays), “All Over Your Face,” was catchy and fun, and the extras in the video are comprised of a large percentage of gay Williamsburg guys, many of whom company I enjoy the company of. But this new song is just annoying.

1. The hook is horrible. I don’t know why anyone thinks that a whiny nasally voice over and over again is pleasant or fun. It’s just annoying. Cazwell has been called the gay Eminem out there in the blogosphere, and I think he’s trying to affect some sort of imitation of that old “My Name Is” song. But that song was annoying, should not be copied, and was released in 1999. In 1999 we all thought we were going to die when y2k hit, so we liked bad music. It’s not really retro or cool to bring back that sound.
2. I feel like I’ve been making this joke for years? Like this one time I was reading Hamptons magazine and there was an interview with Jessica Alba? And she said, in all seriousness, the one food she could not live without was “apples.” And I then shouted, “You fucking liar,” at the magazine and have continued to speculate with friends about how Jessica Alba binges on Crispy Cremes at 3am ever since. It’s essentially the same joke, and I am not really so entertained by my own old jokes.
3. Featuring Johnny Make-up? Really? Now I really liked Gravy Train!!!! and used to own their first CD, but I’m not digging this collaboration. The combination of the big girls in Gravy Train!!!! and the skinny, whiny, rapping twink is what made that band work. I really, really loved a show I saw of theirs back in 2004 at the Knitting Factory, but I honestly haven’t listened to them since 2005. Also? I think the genre of kooky electro might have stopped being relevant, fun, and fresh with the closing of Luxx back in 2004. If I’m wrong about this, please show me some examples, but last I checked electronic music of today was more embodied by bands like Cut Copy and Hercules and Love Affair. Even the mediocre new Girl Talk mash-ups feels more relevant than these new Cazwell beats.

Besides, guys, Beyonce looooooves the Master Cleanse lemonade diet. It would be a way funnier and relevant song if it was about how Beyonce had the runs and was so hungry she could hardly stand.

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me: are you going to deerhoof tonight?
because EVERYONE’s going
Hannah: probably
hahahaha
me: hahaha
Hannah: i hate deerhoof
me: i assume cindi is over them but needs to make an appearance
HOW CAN YOU HATE DEERHOOF?!?!?!?!
OMG CINDI
Hannah: but i’m psyched on the idea of a experimental orchestra doing rites of spring
they are so dull
they are both precious and pretentious
me: haha, but they’re cute and fun
Hannah: i want to kill them
HOWEVER
me: i don’t think they’re pretentious at all
precious I’ll give you
Hannah: apparently the guitarist from xbxrx and the flying luttenbachers plays with them now
which is rad
me: HAHAHAHAHA
omg, I love it
Hannah: god i hate myself
me: you’re making me shit myself
Hannah: I AM NOT EVEN DOING IT ON PURPOSE
me: I KNOW
you’re the best at it
Hannah: BEST ON ACCIDENT
UGGGHHHHHHH
also i am so hungover i want to die
BECAUSE CINDI (read: ME) WENT TO BOTH ENIDS HAPPY HOURS LAST NIGHT

Fuck.

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So I’m recently kind of obsessed with pretending to be the worst type of hipster ever and now this blog also. Perhaps my obsession is even bordering on pathological because I had to start a tumblr account for a fictional hipster named Cindi today to get it out of my system. Follow it and imagine she’s real and get endless laughs.

That being said I have a new game. Take a one of Jenny Holzer’s Truisms and replace a key noun with “hipster.”

• A lot of hipsters are crackpots
• A hipster means a lot just by itself
• A hipster can’t know what it is to be a mother
• A strong sense of hipster imprisons you
• Absolute hipster can be a form of freedom
• A relaxed hipster is not necesarily a better hipster
• Abuse of hipster comes as no surprise
• Hipster is just as dangerous as complacency
• At times your hipster is truer than you conscious mind
• Being hipster is more important than anything else

Endless hilarity guys.

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I threw a BBQ and we played a game called “Shakeface” where you make your face go slack, shake your head as hard as you can, and then take a photo. What you end up with is a picture that looks like what you could look like had you been born with some sort of serious retardation. It’s the best game because it is completely and totally headache inducing and pointless.
Below is my Shakeface.

More after the jump. Photos by good friend Kyle.

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The mix is pretty much my attempt to combine my obsession in recent years with lo-fi 90’s sounds with my undying love for emotional indie music. Check it.

More importantly is how much making a muxtape has renewed my love and passion for of copyleft and fair use movements. See, muxtape only accepts mp3s. The reasoning for this is that mp4s (often shown as m4a files) used by Apple allow what is called DRM restriction in the encoding. This means that programs can pick up on the fact that you are not supposed to copy, upload, or otherwise distribute the file you bought on iTunes anywhere outside of your home network. Mp3s do not support DRM restrictions. The fact of the matter is that the only advantage to mp4 encoding is the additional of DRM restrictions and it’s a large reason why it’s being pushed as the next wave of file encoding. And as I’ll explain later, this is entirely contrary to the way that the economy of information needs to move to succeed in the future.

Being a child of the technology age, I thought, “Gee, I bet someone’s come up with a program that will convert the file for me,” and spent the last 3 days trying to find one. I wasn’t concerned about this file type limitation because I know how to use the internet and computers. But here’s the problem: THERE IS NO LONGER A PROGRAM THAT CONVERTS MP4s to MP3s. NO ONE IS CRACKING THIS THESE DAYS.

Once upon a time, when the internet was a new frontier, there was something called The Hymn Project that did offer the software needed to strip rights off of files and convert them to mp3s for free distribution. That project has since received a cease and desist letter from Apple and is no longer allowed to distribute its beautiful, beautiful freeware.

Apple. You may make great hardware, but you are an asshole. A big fucking asshole. Why are you still fighting for restrictions on the distribution of digital files? Amazon already offers everything in their online mp3 store free of usage restrictions. Muxtape is brilliant because the makers of the site have found a way to use Web 2.0 functions and file sharing (explanation: even if the files are served through a streaming server and application, I’d argue that this is very much akin to Napster and SoulSeek style file sharing) for both monetized (I’m going to speculate they get a kickback for Amazon referrals) and marketing purposes. Not to mention that this represents a new wave in the democratization of taste for the music industry, something important in our post-In Rainbows age to give new and young artists production, distribution, and representation when the established artists who carry the financial burden for the labels aren’t bringing in the dollars they used to.

Don’t become a dinosaur in the area of media distribution, Apple. Follow Amazon’s example, because I am boycotting you until you get with the program. That being said, I still really want an iPhone.

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This was last weekend. Why am I writing about a chance encounter in a bar with a 50 year old cougar all the way on Wednesday? Because I was reading my New Yorker today and figured out who this lady probably was from a profile in the March 31st issue by Amanda Fortini.

That would be Lynda Rae Resnick, creator of PomWonderful, pictured here at one of Arianna Huffington’s parties (courtesy ViewImages… and of course Google’s image search). She hit on me at South 4th Bar because she LOVES Soulja Boy. So for the record, Lynda Resnick loves Soulja Boy, dive bars, and pomegranates. And young gay men doing the Soulja Boy dance. You’re living the dream, Lynda, living the dream.

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Actually, this dream was more awesome than embarrassing. I’m actually bragging about what a cool mind I think I have right now.

But the point of the post is actually this. I got to write my first blog for our company blog today. You can find it here.The whole thing turned into a kind of a dry press release. Here’s the original intro to the entry after the jump.

Me: Hey! There’s a new site for Thirteen/WNET that you should check out!

You: What is it? canihazteeveepromgramz.com? With LOLThirteen web graphics?

Me: No silly! It’s SundayArts a new weekly onair and online arts and culture showcase!

All kidding and icanhascheezburger.com parodies aside, we’ve launched a new site to bring our new Sunday afternoon program, SundayArts, online, and there’s a lot of reasons to check it out.

So my question for you is this: Is PBS still necesary? Considering that LOLhumor is one of the only internet memes that can’t seem to be killed no matter how hard anyone tries, it is definatly relevant.

In Nazi Germany, the first book burnings were dedicated solely to burning coffee table books filled with cute puppy pictures. This small bit of censorship is eventually led to the fascist regime that forced that created such wartime horrors as queef cordon blue. See any parallels between that and censorship of LOLgraphix? Think about it.

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Just find me a shotgun and let me pull the trigger. Band of Horses? In my dream? Seriously?

Seriously, me, seriously… this is like a bad cliché of a cliché of when a spacey girl uses her GPS to figure out how to drive to Marlow and Sons from Manhattan while Band of Horses is playing. Only in the version starring me, it’s Of Montreal singing about I need to go Outback Steakhouse and eat a Bloomin’ Onion.

(And before you ask or comment about it, yes, I use Twitter. I need about 50 gajillion things to do at a time or else my head will explode. It’s like my brain is Jason Statham in Crank, ok?)

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