Comedian John Roberts has a new video in honor of this past mother’s day. As much as I hate posting someone else’s video when I have nothing original original to say, his work merits a mention. Because this shit makes me LOL.

Love and respect your mother, guys. You came out of her.

Hey guys. It’s spring. I redid my backyard just so that I can have you all over.

I can’t wait, guys! Let the good times BBQ bonanzas roll! You’ll know who I am because I’ll be the one wearing wearing shorts and Toms (with no socks) all weekend.

I am on vacation right now in LA. I went down and saw Venice Beach and got to be an obnoxious tourist. I met some new people, such as a chirping man and a rapper from the land where stars are reborn.

Venice Beach from Colin on Vimeo.

So my obligatory Merry Xmas post is a day late. Because I’ve been too obsessed with this new Wii (Sidenote: Am I a thirteen year old boy? Yes… yes perhaps I am…). Also, my sister is perpetually on the computer checking her Facebook and like… updating her pictures and stuff.

So Merry Xmas from me and Kate Bush’s crazy eyes.

Hey! Here’s an awesome video I made during my “green screen” phase in video production class in high school.

JK, guys, just JKing you!! Actually it’s Kate Bush’s idea of a Christmas special in 1979. Because when Kate Bush thinks Christmas, she thinks pyramids, strangely constructed fake burqas, high powered fans, and weird symbolic gang rape.

Because it’s getting to be that time of year, I’m providing a helpful list of things that you can get me for Christmas. Those who do not oblige will be swiftly deleted from my Myspace and subject to years of ding-dong ditch.

You probably want to print this out.

10. CROCHET UGG BOOTS.

These are one of Oprah’s favorite things. And if I can’t be Oprah, I can at least pretend I am by feverishly obtaining all of her favorite things and wearing/using them all at once while dressed in blackface and crying out for Gayle King’s gentle embrace.

9. KOPI LUWAK COFFEE.

I’m tired of drinking coffee that I’ve had to digest entirely on my own. Which is why I’m asking for Kopi Luwak coffee, which is made from beans passed through the digestive system of civets. Who else do you know who drinks stuff that’s been shat out of a monkey? That’s what I thought, you filthy plebeians.

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It turns out Eeez and I both have to be in the office on this beautiful post-Thanksgiving day that we should have off. I shared my Thanksgiving with her via gchat while updating the interweb sites I work on for, you know, my real job that pays me.

me: everyone liked my appetizers, but like, mmmm, they made some awesome food
also, we found out 15 sticks of butter were used
that’s a stick per person

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I think I’ll just have a salad this year.