Well, not so long ago he posted a little vlog that upset one of my favorite YouTubers, Gay Family Values. Here’s the vlog:

Yes, it’s clever. It’s cute. He looks great without his shirt on. Cool. Whatever.

But Gay Family Values was upset that it didn’t address the decision in Maine to take marriage rights away from the gay population, a group that fought hard for those rights and (duh) deserves the,. Given Davey Wavey’s popularity, this gay dad would have liked to see issues that severely affect him actually addressed by the little hot twink. Here’s his uncharacteristically negative vlog:

So this whole exchange got me thinking. Two big thoughts actually:

1) Should I blog about politics? I always considered this more the realm of gay news bloggers like my favorite internet DILF Joe My God. Is it irresponsible of me as a gay blogger to ignore the current political climate and just blog about whatever the hell I feel, whether it be hot roller derby coaches or recaps of Dante’s Cove? I mean, I only post about once a week these days soooooo… is this an obligation or are other bloggers already filling that niche? Is it the responsibility of entertainment based blogs/vlogs like me and Wavey to talk about the important things happening on the front of gay rights in recent history?

2) Should I stalk Davey Wavey? Really. I will leave crazy ass devotional video responses to each of his new vlogs if I get three comments here affirming that this is a good decision. I have a weird crush on his crazy twink steez. He makes me feel the way I imagine 12 year old girls feel when they see a newly released trailer for New Moon. I mean he’s kinda funny, but my taste is really more up the alley of my new favorite internet source of laffs, Edith Zimmerman. I don’t understand my attraction to him at all, except maybe it’s that he has perfect skin and a bangin’ bod. However, he’s hairless, so what? Confused by my own libido right now. Hell, stalking D-dubs sounds like fun so I’ll probably do it anyways, I just want the validation that people read this and think it’s a good idea. So please leave comments and tell me if you would like to see me leave inappropriate devotional vid responses for Davey Wavey. I promise to blog about it if you few readers tell me to.

Maybe the reason I’m feeling so Devo is that I am listening to the Cardigans while writing this. Davey Wavey, you make me feel fine, gurl. See you on the netz, queen.

ShareThis

So there’s this new application that you have probably already heard about called Grindr. Basically the idea is that you can see guys in your area and how far away they are from you on your iPhone. It’s kinda like Manhunt I guess but taken to the next level incorporated GPS and all sorts of other advanced mobile social networking goodies. Also, it has a totally creepy skull/Jason mask for it logo:

I think maybe this is supposed to have the same effect on me as products that bear the message “AIDS Is Not Over.” Can’t be sure, but it’s pretty scary.

Or maybe the point of the logo is just to attract a lot of freaky people. While only a small percentage of the population really has access to this application, as it’s only available on the iPhone, it hasn’t stopped a number of totally crazy people from joining and trolling the mobile web for sex. This is where my newest micro-blog obsession picks up – Guys I Blocked on Grindr.

Basically this site is kind of like Guys With iPhones, but instead of being a kind of updated version of Hot or Not but geared towards gays with fancy technology, it’s just a cesspool of negativity towards guys who cruise using this new application. And we all know that cesspools of negativity on the internet equal instant hilarity! And with the exception of this one guy posted on there, who seems totally dreamy and I would love to go eat pancakes with, the site is a good mix of hilarious joke profiles and horriffic train wrecks in internet dating that can stand up to anything on Lurid Digs.

Since it’s the Halloween season, I’ve what I think qualifies as the most legitimately frightening profile ever:

I don’t have an iPhone so I can’t make a horrible tumblr of myself. I have about 1085 embarrassing pictures of myself that I don’t mind sharing with the world, and definately suck at online cruising, so I bet I could be on there. But I did make a PSD graphic template so that I could make a pretend screenshot. You can download my PSD template here to make one yourself.

Here’s my faked profile disaster:

So would you block that? Or did I not make it freaky enough? Post the freakiest profiles you either make yourself or find in the comments.

ShareThis

But you know what I have been doing while not online?

I watched a marathon of Bridezillas that re-introduced me to the darkness of humanity!

I failed at playing the Yeah Yeah Yeah’s “Maps” maps on the medium difficulty level!

I had a picnic with a cat on a leash!

Oh, and I also went to Provincetown and got some much needed relaxation and sun. I got enough sun that my buddy Marlon told me I look latino. That must be why they call me El Papi Barracho at the deli down the street.

But most importantly, I’ve spent a lot of time looking at other people’s sites and blogs instead of updating my own. One site in particular has hypnotized me this entire summer and deserves a fierce shout out. A fierce shout out set to a mash-up of Ru-Paul’s “Cover Girl” and the theme song from “Chips” and it goes something like this:

I can’t get enough of CTRL + W33D. Srsly, guys, don’t be mad because they’re rad. I’ve been into these guys for about 6 months and am happy to finally have a reason to write them up.

These guys are probably the best bunch of geniuses since the folks at Everything is Terrible. I mean…. they posted this which has been stuck in my brain and keeping me awake at night for the last two weeks and also sparked a sudden interest in the hilarity that is the Pomeranian breed.

Another ongoing meme they recently started that has me hot and bothered? Screenshots of Grindr. What happens when you combine desperation, constructed online personas, and Guys with iPhones? Really embarrassing Grindr conversations and pix. It almost makes me wish I had an iPhone so I could play along. It’s a source of endless hilarity and these guys totally nailed it.

BUTT magazine wrote them up on their blog a while ago, and east village DJ and nightlife personality Michael Magnan offers a nice succinct explanation to help better understand the site and how it’s a signifier of the apocalypse.

Since February 2009, anonymous Tumblr’s D.R., I.L., B.A., K.K., and J.G. have been collectively assembling a seemingly endless archive of hilarious, perverted and inebriated found images and video under the pseudonym CTRL + W33D. A mission statement addressed to one of the later-joining members classified its intentions as being a “totally NSFW…experiment in Anarchy and AIDS and Being High.”  For those of you growing up gay 3.0 on the internet, this visual morgue should help satiate your constant jones for getting lost in a matrix of google image search depravity.’ – Michael Magnan

I have my own way of explaining this blog that involves this recent conversation with a friend that I can only loosely transcribe from memory.

Friend: I was in this art history class, and the teacher was all “If Andy Warhole was alove today would he blog? And what would he blog about?
Me: He wouldn’t blog. He’d have a Tumblr.
Friend: Duhz. Teachers are such squares.

Basically CTRL+W33D feels like the ghost The Factory using the internet to digitally whisper into our present.

So, I suggest all of you take their big, hard RSS feed and stick it in your Google Reader. Once you learn to relax a little, there’s no way you’ll be dissapointed with how it makes you feel.

P.S. The guys at CTRL+W33D are also frequent contributors to Bears I’m Jealous Of which has me suspicious that I might only be a degree or two removed from their real life socializing. This has led to countless hours of recent internet stalking trying to figure out who they are. I’d appreciate any real clues or funny misinformation in the comments.

ShareThis

Having not posted in a while, suffice it to say I’ve got a lot on my mind (and I know that Arch Noble and the Manhunt blog guy are just waiting with baited breath because, let’s face it, I’m CRAZY important, you guys).

However, this isn’t the time or place (okay, well, yes, it is the place) for me to spout rhetoric or wax philosphical about issues facing gender, sexuality, and queer identification.  Nah, you guys, today’s a different kind of day.  In fact, it’s a day I’ve declared The Day I Found A Twink I’d Like To Enter.

As a gentleman who fancies himself a fan of mostly the “bear-friendly” crowd (by which I mean dudes with facial scruff, body hair, deep voices, muscular legs, and tattoos – BONER TOWN, “POP.” ME!), the “twink” is a body type to which I virtually pay no attention.  Of course, the feeling is often mutual, but nevertheless, my wiener could tell you firsthand (yes, she talks!) that little is less appealing than a torso resembling that of a tween girl.  No.  Thanks.

HOWEVER, the power of dance has changed all that in thanks to Curtis, or MrTinydancer88 (duh #1), a young (duh #2), entirely hairless (duh #3) musical theater actor (duh #4, 5, and 6) who has taken to dancing shirtless (duh #7) on YouTube in videos that showcase his mindblowingly skillful ability to Booty Dance.   Like only the most savvy of the ghetto princesses who popularized the dance, this fag pops his ass, makes it bounce, and, in the process, makes me forget that he’s wearing a girl’s headband (duh #8), has a BELLY BUTTON PIERCING (duh #9), and is essentially beckoning for a gang bang (duh #10) in front of his best gal pal (duh #11).

It’s sick, it’s twisted, and I can’t believe I want him to take off his cutoff sweatpants (duh #12).

ShareThis

Considering that the number one Google result this blog, which wrote up a crappy “love it or leave it” post and kind of looks like Boing Boing branded for the Sex in the City Gal (Miranda TOTALLY would read this. Let’s go get margs after work girls), I’m going to assume this is still fairly under the radar for any one who has any real taste or pizazz. People like me. I have pizazz and taste in case you didn’t know.

And I think this is kind of awesome? I don’t know if it’s just my  affinity for the use of children’s choirs in indie music or if I am truly listening to greatness.

Also, there’s this really sweet song.

DEAD MAN’S BONES – “NAME IN STONE” from biz3 publicity on Vimeo.

Ryan Gosling is officially number on in my pantheon of celebrity crushes from now on, as if his performance Half Nelson didn’t impress me enough. If I had his number I would totally sext him all the time.

ShareThis

I am very attracted to the model in the photo as he is. He would be disgusting and look like he has allopecia if you laser off all his hair. Also, lasering off one’s beard is kind of fucking disgusting.

FaceBook. Please control your ads. This should not be targetted at me. I think the Hipster Grifter said it best when she got this tattoo:

It reads as “I love beards,” although some may read it as “I love Taliban” if, say, they have a more ingrained and racialized image of terrorism in their brains than I. Not sure which message Kari meant.

So in other news, I here FaceBook is the new manhunt.net. Discuss!

ShareThis

And her new piece? It’s so so funny.

“Somebody just ate a baby!”

[original post on The Sword here]

ShareThis

Remember how micro-blogging sites, specifically Twitter which limits messages to 140 characters, are always coming under fire for ruining the ways we communicate? Well, we have found our savior to lead us out of this darkness and his name is Christopher Walken. His Twitter account brings the medium to new heights and into the light. Some of the best are posted below, but you can always go to his account and check it out yourself.

You might be wondering, “Christopher Walken? Isn’t he someone that frat bros are fans of when they want to show they have an edgy side to their personalities? Why is he a genius? Why don’t you follow someone with legit alternative cool cred like David Lynch? I bet his twitters will blow your mind.” (I know. You are not wondering any of these things.)

Ok, so yes, David Lynch Twitters. But his tweets suck. It’s basically the LA weather report interspersed with bad new age “thoughts of the day.” Not something I would ever waste my time reading (which is a lie, I do follow David Lynch). Granted, David Lynch has actually confirmed that the account is truly his via a YouTube video. With David Lynch, you are getting a confirmed authentic Web 2.0 experience when you follow him.

So, truth be told  there has yet to be any verification that this is actually Christopher Walken. But he elevates the 140 character medium to nearly literary heights. Every time he chooses to communicate with his current 73,000 followers, he composes a micro-short story, material along the lines of Amy Hemple’s one sentence short story, “Memoir.” It’s absurd, it’s narrative, he keeps his true life private, and he proves the artistic merit of a form of new media often blamed for dumbing down the public. Kudos Christopher Walken (or whoever Twitters in your name).

Which brings me to my point here, which is “are we finally figuring out the Internet?” I’ve been in countless arguments with people defending my job and my hobbies surrounding new media arguing the concept of “the medium is the message” in relation to the Internet. To me, Christopher Walken’s Twitter offers a look at a new kind of thinking — that perhaps Internet communication, often short form and designed for a shorter attention span, is currently not a revolution in how much we say, but how we say it. Walken shows that the focus for better online communication lies in excellent editing, something we can all probably use a lesson on in this age of over-sharing.

Then again, maybe all of this is just for d-bags.

tumblr. – The Documentary (by boringloser.com) from DaveAOK on Vimeo.

ShareThis

ShareThis

“Bestie by Bestie” #2 from Gabe & Jenny.

Hmmmm. Maybe I’d do that silver fox on Gossip Girl, Bart Bass?

JK! I’d totes do Rufus first.

ShareThis

Enjoy, ya’ll. The player sometimes has a lag so be patient. It’s a full half hour episode. Also check out Make ‘Em Laugh, the series this belongs to.

ShareThis

I sent this to occasional GMSC contributor Elliott and he literally had nightmares. No joke. There’s something indescribabley creepy about the way this lady commits to the character of “Cheetah.”

In the great tradition of reaction videos made popular by 2girls1cup, I couldn’t help but create a reaction video. I asked Charlie Tu, honorary GMSC member via his twitter and now a highly blogged about glutton at Charlie Tu Eats, to give the video a look. It was an experiment to see how long it took for people to stop laughing and start getting real.

I only made it about 12 seconds in before I lost it. Brave job, Charlie, brave job.

ShareThis

As a proud fudge packer, I can’t think of anything greater to punctuate my dirtiest thoughts. Who wants a plate job?

This feature hasn’t yet been added to chat. But based on the conversation in the comments over at Web Upon, I’d say Google should be working on this feature. THE PEOPLE WANT POOP!!!

The excerpts from the comments after the jump.

ShareThis

Erin: i sent you that youtube vid of the guy in the terrible outfit doing the beyonce dance to “single ladies (put a ring on it)” right?so weirdso that got a million hits and now he’s on like, talkshows doing the dance
me: OH, yeah
i remember
Erin: he got FAMOUS
me: he’s on talkshows?
Erin: yup, dancing
me: why is drag SO popular online?
Erin: i dont know it’s weird
me: when people do really flamboyant drag stuff online
INSTA-FAME
like, chris crocker is such a tranny
hence his fame
Erin: it’s weird and kinda awful
me: Kelly… dirty drag
Erin: just in that it’s like, circus freaks or something
which sucks
me: John Roberts… he dresses up like his mother…
Erin: hahahathat’s deep
me: like, the internet is SO GAY
Erin: it is!
me: it’s a gay medium for gay things
and dressing up like women and gender bending
Erin: strange phenom

I present you with the evidence of the “Single Man dancing to Single Ladies” newfound fame, a clip of Shane Mercado, the dancing man above, on some day time talk show called The Bonnie Hunt Show.

But, guys, not all drag performance is intended to leave you slackjawed and dumbfounded and questioning the nature of yourself and humanity. Some drag is comedic art and deserves real recognition. After the jump, check out some of the great drag internet video classics by Mike Albo and John Roberts.

“The Christmas Tree” by John Roberts

“Jackie and Deborah” by John Roberts

Mike Albo’s “Amanda”

Miss the golden days of online sketches with talented comedians in drag so much.

ShareThis

Have you guys heard of Ryan Trecartin? He makes video art, a medium I easily get frustrated with. After seeing his piece, “Wayne’s World 2003″, included in “Perspecticles,” I have to wonder how I have never seen these before. Also, I am wondering if they could be used as like a Rorschach test to diagnose schizophrenia, as in if you can understand these videos and like them, something very well may be wrong. Whoops, I’m totally bat shit schizophrenic!

His first large work seems to be  “A Family Finds Entertainment”, but for some reason part 3 is missing online. I suggest you watch it. Most recently he created a series called “I-BE Area” which is a nearly feature length piece of work divided into Web segments. Here’s the part that’s excited:

1. The videos make nearly no sense, unless you’re schizophrenic like me and can relate.
2. The videos are posted out of order online on Ryan’s YouTube channel with no order indicated.
3. The user is supposed to piece together the pieces his/herself. It’s part of the experience of the piece and only enhances the general disorientation.

Here’s my (not) best attempt to piece “I-BE Area” together (actually gave up trying after the first few segments):

Really, I love this work. It’s all about new media and our current world where what we experience as reality is more and more formed by how we communicate through media. In the last century, whoever controlled image production (ie: newspapers, television networks) had a lot of power. This work draws notice to our current emerging world that breaks down this power dynamic via the Internet where almost anyone has the power to create media. Plus it has a mad funny queer style that cracks me up. Am I totally out of my mind?

ShareThis

I’ll write something of substance this week once the people around me stop being pedantic and my life becomes more pedestrian.

ShareThis

I’ve never been an avid reader of Out. It’s one of those general interest lifestyle mags that just doesn’t feature anything I generally am interested in purchasing and sells an ideal of beauty I honestly don’t find so attractive. I often also actually have difficulty figuring out the difference between Out, Details, and GQ? Seriously though, Gross’ article has honestly given me a newfound respect for the magazine. It’s ballsy, honest, and analytic on a subject that generally isn’t publicly discussed — the cultural prevalence of online cruising among gay men.

The couple times that I’ve dabbled on Manhunt were pretty much complete failures. I don’t own a digital camera and rely on what’s posted on my friend’s Flickr accounts making it impossible to create the sort of desirable, pornographic persona described by Gross, “a sexy image that stands separate from your physical self.” Besides, while I have no problem getting nude on the beach in public, I am extremely self conscious about posting a picture of my penis, a “dick pic,” online. Plus, who wants to see my tiny penis? It’s like a Ken doll down there.

I think Gross is entirely right to be frustrated with what cruising sites our doing to our culture of desire, and it’s a frustration I share. I didn’t even have to leave Out magazine’s web site to find a perfect example. Seen these ads recently? Because they’re all over MySpace as well, targeted at gay profiles.

This banner campaign rotates between these three images, starting with “he was passionate” to “he was playful” and ending with “he held me tight.” There’s a fourth panel I’ve also seen, not present in the creative used for the banners on Out, that says “he was mine.” As Gay.com is owned by by the same company as Out, it makes sense that Gross might feel the need to limit his story to Manhunt. But it’s hard not to see how this Gay.com ad is playing upon urban insecurities and urging gay men to pornography themselves in an attempt to find meaningful romance, the effects of which may be entirely self defeating:

The project of pornographying ourselves while cruising online — whether by taking naked self-portraits in the mirror, masturbating with another guy via webcam, or volunteering to go for broke on OnTheHunt.com — can impair or devastate gay men’s ability to find intimacy with one another. “It means you’re always looking for the better or the best,” says Detroit psychologist Joe Kort. “This is the negative effect of a culture where people spend lots of time looking at pornography and judging each other primarily based on naked pictures of each other: You always think there’s something better, because you’re seeing it — it’s out there — so why shouldn’t you hold out for somebody whose looks are everything you dream of?”

As part of a community that lacks real life romantic role models, whether because the individual’s sexuality isn’t discussed, as in the case of Anderson Cooper, or because hyper-sexuality and multiple partners is the de-facto stereotype we’ve been handed (via a long legacy as outsiders from the traditional cultures involving the formation of the family unit), we have a void in the way we understand ourselves, a void that personal sites and sex sites have identified and readily exploit. Are we allowing ourselves to form our understanding of what it means to be homosexual and be in a gay relationship based on images provided by marketing companies? I know feel manipulated when I see those ads.

On the flip side, I’m generally a very sex positive person and have difficulty actually condemning any of these cruising sites. Beyond the porn stars and muscled bodies on each site’s homepage urging you to register with promises of fulfilling your hottest wet dreams, they provide a necessary service — putting people of like sexuality in contact with one another, something arguably accomplished by the bath houses of yore. But is there a balance between embracing the migration of sex online and creating real community and understanding of ourselves?

ShareThis

SPARKS.BLOGSPOT.COM

Wednesday, December 13, 2000
Finally getting a new personal page up feels great… I’ve been spending far too much time working on clan / squad webpages for all these damn games.. And I finally broke my crack addiction!
Crack: To be a game very addictive in nature. See: EverQuest, EQ, Verant Interactive.
Yeah, so I’m a hardcore gamer… F me. At least I’m not a geek, right?… ok maybe I’m proud to be a geek, but at least I can own people in quake3! …Maybe I should get back into playing Red Alert online… win more tourneys…

For those of you reading this who don’t know me well, I’m not just a gamer, I’m a DJ, spin occasionally at raves.. hardcore fan, an American Head Charge groupie (they’re a band in MN who recently were signed…), Ex-addict, gamer, … the list goes on, and hell, I’m even the father of a gorgeous 16 month old daughter who I just recently got visitation rights with!

Oh well, back to paying attention in class (hahaha visual basic is WAY too simple when you know C++ well)

The original entry is here. Now a point breakdown of why this wins in my mind.

• Use of a delicious malt beverage energy drink in the name: +3 points
• Implies he is an ex crack addict (see second paragraph): +1 point
• Plays EverQuest: +5 points
• Is DJ: -2 points
• Use of the word tourneys: +1 point
• Groupie for an obscure hardcore band no one gives a shit about: -3 points
• “father of a gorgeous 16 month old daughter who I just recently got visitation rights with”: +7 points
• Thinks Visual Basic is way too easy after learning C++: +3 point

Oh man, is he right; Visual Basic IS way too easy after learning C++.

[One Post Wonder]

ShareThis

In the trial of a pornographic Web site operator, the defense plans to show that residents of Pensacola are more likely to use Google to search for terms like “orgy” than for “apple pie” or “watermelon.” The publicly accessible data is vague in that it does not specify how many people are searching for the terms, just their relative popularity over time. But the defense lawyer, Lawrence Walters, is arguing that the evidence is sufficient to demonstrate that interest in the sexual subjects exceeds that of more mainstream topics — and that by extension, the sexual material distributed by his client is not outside the norm.

I have to severely disagree with his comparison of the two word search term “apple pie” with the one word term “orgy.” The difference in popularity for search is arguably not as meaningful as they might seem. The motivation seems more driven by the use the term “apple pie” as a gimmick in his argument than showing meaningful statistics. He should have used “group sex” against “apple pie” to make his strings consistent and rule out the slim possibility of people looking for the 90s band Orgy so that they can download their hit cover of “Blue Monday.”

But the real reason this caught my interest has to do with the search terms that most often bring people to my blog. A while back I wrote a blog where I mention tentacle rape. It’s is and continues to be the most popular page on my site via search engines. Here’s a quick summary from my Google Analytics showing the search terms that bring people to that entry as their landing page in the last month.

In the overall scheme of things, “gay tentacle rape” continues to be in my top three search terms for this entire site.

Should I blog more about gay tentacle rape?
Are you interested in gay tentacle rape?
How do you feel abou the abbrieviation GTR for “gay tentacle rape”?
Does the fact that people find my site while searching for “gay tentacle rape” mean that I am violating community standards?
Are search terms really an indicator pornographic of intention or do people just think it’s funny to Google gross things?
Are you interested in pix of AZNs doing GTR wearing alt bro moo moos?
Should I start ending all my posts with a series of questions and be more like HRO?

ShareThis

So I work for an undisclosed company on undisclosed web projects. Point is, I saw a proposal from an anonymous corporate communications company today that made me vomit into a bag when I left my cubicle. I’ve included a redacted excerpt below, which is probably just the poorly written template some poor guy is stuck using.

A minisite should be developed that features the series to best advantage.
•    It should be fun for consumers and suitable for media use – right now, the line between these groups is blurred and the same features that appeal to web surfers will appeal to members of the media.
•    The site should impart information clearly, but in a way which mirrors the tone and humor of the series.
•    The minisite should feature written pieces, attention-grabbing design elements and graphics, quotes from interviewees, and downloadable photographs and clips of interviewees as much as possible.
•    Using original elements will save the time and money required to secure rights for archival material.
•    While those materials will feature comedians from seminal films and television’s golden age, nostalgia should not be overplayed.  To appeal to the broadest possible age range, we should make use of images and clips of [redacted] who are current [redacted].
•    Audience interest will be most keen for this [redacted] and we believe this will significantly drive tune in among younger groups without alienating core [redacted] audiences
•    We will need to work to secure the rights to use this material and these [redacted] images for promotional purposes.

Wow. Way to school me on how to be relevant online, guys. I didn’t know “same features that appeal to web surfers will appeal to members of the media.” I didn’t even know anyone used the term “web surfers” anymore. This whole thing reeks of a corporate template that is now totally outdated, even when talking about the low cost model of original web content. What might surprise these folks is that content producers want to be paid, and often they want (gasp) competitive rates. There must have been a recent paradigm shift backwards in time and I missed it.

If you work in the media, please help me in stopping web ignorance.

ShareThis