Posted on April 5th, 2010 by Colin
2 Comments »
I read for the Brother My Lover series at Envoy Gallery hosted by Robert Smith this last weekend. I’ve been doing short fiction as a hobby in the last year and it was really fun! You can read a great interview with Robert Smith over at Mary Literary. I’m really into the whole creative ethic of the series. The piece I read is below and it’s titled “And then she cut it off with scissors.”
This one time I dropped my iPhone phone while jaywalking, turned towards the phone to pick it up, only to watch a SUV roll over it and see the touch-screen shatter in, what, at the time, felt like, slow motion right in front of me. That’s kind of how I think Emily felt, only she felt it 10 times more intensely because she is only 13. 13 year olds just feel things in a different more urgent way – at 13 every moment of embarrassment can as easily end in an attempt at suicide as it can be vented through a fit of I-hate-you-moms. When I was 13 I remember looking in the mirror one day with a knife contemplating cutting myself because some kid had thrown french fries in my face and called me a fat ass while I was waiting in the lunch line to get pizza from school lunch line. You learn a lot at this age. This is a story about Emily, not about me. Emily and her best friend Staci with an i.
Emily’s mom made her take her nose piercing out. I know this because I have read conversations she had online about it. Between all the bad tween text spelling, I could tell she felt like shit about it. When I was young I would have called my friend, and we might have walked to a starbucks where we had coffee or a clandestine cigarette. Emily grew up in a world with more internet, so instead she just goes online and chats with her friend. Her screenname is “goldenstarz26,” and her friend Staci uses “pussywink05.” Whatever. When I was that age my screen name was weedcowboy. It didn’t need a number because it was 1994 and there wasn’t anyone else with the name weedcowboy.
Before I explain what happened here, let me just warn you that it’s gross. And it’s all true. That’s the most fucked up part. It’s something that really happened. But as a 26 year old selling pot to thirteen year olds, I can’t really judge anyone anymore.
I’m pretty sure the whole story gets set in motion after Emily cried about her piercing and logged in to chat up Staci.
Emily: OMG OMG OMG
Staci: wut?
Emily: My mom made me take out my nose piercing
Staci: wtf! You just got that. And it was kewt 
Emily: yeah, I know. it got a little bit of pus in it and my mom hated it anyways so she used that as an excuse to make me take it out.
Staci: is it healing ok? also, are you coming to Zero Altitude after school tomorrow? I wanna ask you something since you have experience with piercings
Emily: duh I am going! don’t I always. jason is gonna be there and we are gonna play Foosball and get stoned
Staci: cuz you looooove Jason
Emily: I do love him! shut up! it’s not funny!
Staci: lol
Emily: whatever, one day we’re gonna get married.
Staci: meh,Whatever u virgin!
Emily: shut up, just cuz I didn’t give it up the robby mcclaren in 7th grade
Staci: shut up, doods do it all the time and no one calls them sluts.
Emily: wtf, i don’t think ur a slut. ur my bf
Staci: thanks. u always got my back. wut time u wanna go to ZA then? my mom won’t be home till late so like, i would love to hang out. if jason is there i bet ben will be there. not that he calls me ne more
Emily: like 3. jason wanted me to pick him up some weed from zach after school, so i’ll be a little late since i need to walk over to the smoker corner.
Staci: k. C u there. don’t let your mom smell those ciggies on u.
Emily: lol, k, see u soon. I’m sure ben is still really into u.
Staci: hey
Emily: wuddup
Staci: bored
Emily: so did you do it?
Staci: yeah, bitch
Emily: did it hurt?
Staci: kinda. nbd. I iced it
Emily: omg, I can’t believe you did that. You are so cool
Staci: lol. I try, girl. it’s kinda sore but whatever. it’ll heal ok I’m sure.
Emily: omg i srsly can’t believe you pierced your fukking clit
Staci: lol
Emily: srsly, how could u just like go in the bathroom and do it with an ice cube and a needle? ur so fukking crazy, that’s why ur my girl
Staci: whatver, it’s not like my mom would ever let me get it. I’m just hardcore like dat. she needs to chill anyways, she needs to know i do what i want
Emily: sometimes i wish i had ur balls
Staci: you so have balls girl. besides, i can’t have you copying me and piercing ur clit too
Emily: i guess I’ll just have to pierce my ass lol
Staci: lol. srsly, i don’t know where you come up with this stuff. wtf is an ass piercing? god, this makes my vag itchy
Emily: lol. make sure to clean down there
Staci: I will. ug. my mom is calling me for dinner. gtg
Emily: one sec, do you have a copy of the social studies assignment? I can come over and pick it up.
Staci: like i’m gonna do it?
Emily: lol, right. sum of us need good grades at least
Staci: ug, dinner smells gross. my mom should learn to cook. ok, for reals, gtg. she sounds mad.
Emily: What’s wrong?
Staci: nothing
Emily: you were avoiding me at school today. is this about how jason likes me back and we’re maybe gonna go out? i’m sorry u and ben broke up
Staci: ug, nothing is wrong. it just hurts
Emily: what just hurts? you can’t expect jason not to hang out with his best friend. srry. u need to get over ben.
Staci: no stupid. you know. my piercing.
Emily: I thought it was healing. Staci, u need 2 take care of it!
Staci: I HAVE BEEN. It just hurts and i needed to sit alone today.
Emily: r u ok?
Staci: yeah.
Emily: gtg. if u need anything call me ok!
According to the time stamp on the chats, Staci and Emily stopped being friends a little after this. All the kids that hung out at Zero Altitude were like a little community, and I remember there was a rumor going around that something really gross had happened to Staci. No one would tell me the details. I hadn’t really thought about it until I got the computer from Emily. It’s really fucked up what kids do to themselves.
Staci: u there? I really need to talk
Emily: what’s up? did you wash ur cooch lol
Staci: it’s not funny
Emily: srry
Staci: srsly. there’s a smell. not cool. i’m so worried.
Emily: what?
Staci: it smells like garbage. so i got a mirror and looked and it looks really gross
Emily: have u looked down there before?
Staci: not really that much, but like… this is fucked up. it’s not how it’s supposed to look i am sure. it looks like a fukking grey dead knuckle or a really gross roly poly
Emily: OMG YOU HAVE TO GO TO THE DOCTOR
Staci: my mom is going 2 kill me
Emily: omg, this is so not funny. ur kidding right?
Staci: no im not, god, i can’t believe you think that. why would i lie about that
Emily: shut up, u are so kidding. ur just mad at me. r u playing a joke on me just cuz i like jason? r u mad at me?
Staci: i can’t even talk to you right now. bye
Emily: u there?
Emily: u there?
Before my grandmother got put on dialysis, her legs were so bloated she almost had to get them amputated. I remember coming over and finding a stash of Krispy Kremes. She had been keeping it a secret. She was embarrassed that she hadn’t been managing her diabetes. I want to blame Staci’s behavior on the fact that she’s young, but I don’t think I can. People get embarrassed about being unhealthy. People will hurt themselves even when they know better.
Emily: r u there? why weren’t you at school today.
Staci: i’m really sick
Emily: wut did u get swine flu lol
Staci: shut up. it’s really infected
Emily: what’s really infected
Staci: shut up you know. stop being a bitch.
Emily: omg, it got worse? srry I didn’t believe you b4. ur like my best friend
Staci: promise u won’t tell anyone? srsly, it’s so bad
Emily: ok, major promise
Staci: so it was looking really gross and there was this grey part that looked like a hunk of dead skin. so i thought it would heal better if I just cut it off
Emily: wtf
Staci: yeah so i got these scissors that i keep in my drawer and went in the bathroom and did it. it was kind of a lot of skin and i didn’t want my mom to find it so i kept it in a napkin. it’s in my underwear drawer right now.
Emily: wtf!!! ur have to go to a doctor. srsly, i am going to call 911
Staci: NO! don’t. u can’t be my best friend if you call 911 and my mom finds out I did this
Emily: WTF. R u sure ur going to be ok?
Staci: gtg. I feel really sick. gonna go throw up and then lie down. i’ll be fine. i’m a tuff bitch to get down lol
Emily: lol
It gets worse. I remember Staci’s mom was investigated for sexual abuse right before they moved. No one was ever charged. Staci was the one abusing herself.
Staci’s only motivation was to get a bad-ass piercing to show off to her friends, which is stupid, but I can’t blame her. The mom is really the only one I can blame here. If you can’t make sure your kid doesn’t let their genitals rot, then maybe you shouldn’t have kids.
Emily: OMG. Where have u been. i haven’t seen u in a week and you haven’t been online.
Staci: i was in the hospital
Emily: OMG WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME
Staci: i dunno. it was sudden. my mom doesn’t want me to talk to you.
Emily: wtf! your mom needs to stop trying to keep u away from your friends
Staci: it was really weird. i was really sick and like… had to show the doctor the parts i had saved in a napkin and they sewed it back on
Emily: gross! r u ok though
Staci: well yeah, they put me on antibiotics and shit. i felt awful. now it just hurts when i pee
Emily: yeah but r u ok?
Staci: i’m not sure. besides when I go pee, i can’t feel anything down there anymore
Emily: r u ok?
Staci: i just don’t know. I can’t feel anything.
Staci and Emily stopped being friends after that. Staci stopped hanging around at Zero Altitude and after her mother’s investigation, and they moved to Portland. It’s far enough away I guess. I wonder what would have happened if Staci’s mom had been cool with her daughter piercing her clit and brought her to a professional and all that. Would Staci have even wanted the piercing? Would she have got it and then taken care of herself?
My grandmother is on her deathbed right now. She has heart disease and her diabetes is bad. Last time I came over, the nurse had set her up with a bed pan and her skin was mottled from bed sores. And when I got close to her, she whispered, so that the nurse couldn’t hear, that she wanted me to bring her a Krispy Kreme next time.
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April 18th, 2010 at 8:21 pm
This is really good but gross as fuck. you should write horror.
[reply this comment]
Colin reply on April 19, 2010:
Haha. I would LOVE to write horror. I love me some good horror movies.