I’ve finally managed to upload a clip on teh interwebs, so you can see for yourself (quick! before it gets deleted).

Oh, probably NSFW. Unless you work for, say, a penitentiary.

Years ago when I went to NYU for film (sssshhhhhh! Now I just tell everyone that I went to Sarah Lawrence before my FTM operation), I made a short film for an experimental video class. It featured some graphic, albeit simulated, unprotected gay sex. I was anticipating some less-than-enthused reactions from my peers (overwhelmingly straight and surprisingly conservative in some respects), but expecting support from my teacher. She was well-regarded amongst students, partly because she was continuing to direct films (she came out with a very critically lauded little film in 2006) and because she didn’t seem to be on auto-pilot like so many of the NYU professors. It was a known fact that she was good friends with some of those who helped establish New Queer Cinema, like Todd Haynes. She even told me she had worked on gay porn before.

So if I expected anyone to support my little movie, it was her. Instead, she hated it and seemed deeply offended by it. She emailed me what amounted to a personal attack, suggesting that I had some serious self-hatred issues. She labeled the film homophobic and said that it promoted unsafe sex, because the two main characters are depicted barebacking. She then refused to sign off on the film for it to be eligible for the NYU film festival. When I asked another teacher about this, she said she’d never heard of a professor not signing off on their student’s work. I had to petition the chair of the film department to get it into the festival, where it was quickly given the very last slot on the last day of the festival – which of course happened to be Super Bowl Sunday, assuring that pretty much no one would see my film. To add insult to injury, my teacher happened to be one of the judges of the festival that year. She was in the theater watching every film, but excused herself to leave once mine rolled.

You tell me.

6 Responses to “I Am a Self-Hating, Bareback-Promoting Homo”

1. charlie olsky Says:
   May 21st, 2008 at 12:41 pm

   I don’t really see anything objectionable in this. Is this the whole video, or is there more? where’s the barebacking, or other problems?

   [reply this comment]

2. Elliott Says:
   May 21st, 2008 at 12:50 pm

   There’s a lot more, too much to put up. But that’s the bulk of what was objected to, and what people had a problem with. The barebacking is implied more with the rest of the video, but never explicitly presented.

   [reply this comment]

3. charlie olsky Says:
   May 21st, 2008 at 12:59 pm

   well, what’s the context. Like, some guys meet each other and fuck bareback, and regret it? Or they fuck bareback, and are, like, “thank God we didn’t use condoms!”?

   Or is it all more arty, and the barebacking somehow connects to the blood and mucous on the bottom’s face, and it all has something to do with the degredation of the body?

   [reply this comment]

4. JJS III Says:
   May 22nd, 2008 at 10:38 am

   I feel like I missed out on something by having Lil Kim playing in the background.

   [reply this comment]

5. Vagenius Says:
   June 11th, 2008 at 6:56 am

   Two words: Angry dyke.

   [reply this comment]

6. Sparky Says:
   June 11th, 2009 at 12:39 am

   I would like to have watched the entire short to have a solid opinion here. The fundamental issue, however, is your instructor who you placed your trust in. It’s a shame that she couldn’t keep an open mind regardless of the angle you took (considering what a “professional” you say she is) – it’s your freedom to express yourself and your ideas in the way that you choose. Either way I would say you were successful. You stood up for yourself and fought for your right to have it approved – despite the poor time slot and her stubborness it was shown at the festival. Even one person viewing it constitutes a victory in my opinion. Cheers!

   [reply this comment]

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