I’m leaving for the West Coast guys. Going camping with some friends. Going camping in conjunction with Lazy Bear Weekend!

The only problem with this is that as publisher and editor of this blog, there will be nothing new here to entertain you until I get back. The Social Crisis will return in a week, ya’ll.

But really, guys, I’m going to be camping and running around in the woods and making masks. I need to know my spirit animal for this crazy vision quest I’m about to embark on in northern California. Some have suggested that it’s a red panda, although I think I’m more like a koala. Obviously an internet poll posted in my absence is the best way to determine this. Find the poll after the jump. Read More!

Last night I had the total and complete pleasure of seeing Mamma Mia! the movie. I really don’t even know where to begin with this movie. WARNING SPOILER ALERTS ABOUND IN THE ENTRY (but like, really, who the fuck cares about a spoiler alert for Mamma Mia!) My friend Pete most likely summarized the moments that make this movie incredible the best via one of his Twitters:

FabergeLeggs Mamma mia: shouldnt every film have a pulsating mosaic dolphin? Barring that, a cougar christine baranski on a jetski.

Even though something deep inside me was moved to see it on the big screen, I really wasn’t sure what to expect out of this movie. That was until Meryl Streep starts singing “Money Money Money” and the entire thing fades into a fantasy montage that involves on the bow of a ship, draped in yards of flowing, silken fabrics blowing in the wind, while Christine Baranski and Julie Walters sit atop Jet skis locked on the deck of the boat on either side of her. That shot fades away to a shot of Meryl Streep’s face superimposed into the center of a roulette wheel while she holds five poker cards in her hand. At that point I realized exactly what sort of movie this would be and couldn’t be happier. The rest of the audience seemed to agree, as no one ever objected to my incessant giggling and outbursts of “wait… what the fuck is actually going on?”

But really, guys, while the movie is fun, it makes exactly zero sense. Was Meryl Streep drunk the whole time? Read More!

Have you guys heard about the ever growing phenomenon of the New Old Gay? Doree Shafrir, part of the troupe of internet-famous ex-Gawker editors, has written a piece (of shit) for the New York Observer today that explains it all for you.

Doree offers up her insight into what she calls the “New Old Gay” identity, which seems to be based entirely on a one night she spent at Musical Monday at Splash.

To be classified as a New Old Gay requires more than an appreciation of Patti LuPone, though love of somewhat tragic, just a tad grotesque, totally fabulous divas is a requirement. In some ways the New Old Gay can be read as a reassertion of a gay identity that had all but been given up for dead: If gays can be married and have children and live contentedly in the suburbs, or on the other end of the spectrum, do the same drugs at the same loft parties as their Oberlin classmates, and if everyone thinks AIDS is no more serious than diabetes, then, really, what’s the difference between the gays and the straights? By dialing back to and reinventing the old gay stereotypes, they may have the best shot at reclaiming gayness as something actually different.

It’s akin to the ways in which identity politics have played out for various minorities and ethnic groups; everyone makes this huge effort to assimilate, and then, after 10 or 20 years or so, they realize: It’s boring!

And thus, the New Old Gay appreciates and embraces camp and high kitsch, but not ironically; ultimately, the New Old Gay is earnest. He doesn’t even necessarily have to be into musical theater, though he almost always is.

Really? AIDS viewed to be as a manageable illness on the same level as Diabetes? So is GMHC irelevant now? Are you trying to tell me that there’s no reason for me to continue using condoms? I’m so glad that someone is finally recognizing the way that a deadly virus has been embraced by a clueless population and turned into a non-issue. Read More!

So this one time Kyle and I were sitting around at Erin’s house having beers and watching Desperate Housewives or something equally vapid and came up with the best joke ever. It’s a show called America’s Next Top Margaret Cho. It involves a bevy of AZNs trying to become America’s next top Margaret Cho by competing in a modelling competition. It has since become this video made by me. Enjoy the weirdest short video ever put on the internet.

America’s Next Top Margaret Cho from Colin on Vimeo.

Remember the Cindi tumblelog we made? That was the fake life of a fictional hipster? The worst kind of hipster girl? Kyle’s been posting a lot of pictures and I occasionally post some text and we’re still keeping it up. But this morning I had a conversation that made me question whether it was parody… or actually a representation our real lives.

me: are you going to deerhoof tonight?
because EVERYONE’s going
Hannah: probably
hahahaha
me: hahaha
Hannah: i hate deerhoof
me: i assume cindi is over them but needs to make an appearance
HOW CAN YOU HATE DEERHOOF?!?!?!?!
OMG CINDI
Hannah: but i’m psyched on the idea of a experimental orchestra doing rites of spring
they are so dull
they are both precious and pretentious
me: haha, but they’re cute and fun
Hannah: i want to kill them
HOWEVER
me: i don’t think they’re pretentious at all
precious I’ll give you
Hannah: apparently the guitarist from xbxrx and the flying luttenbachers plays with them now
which is rad
me: HAHAHAHAHA
omg, I love it
Hannah: god i hate myself
me: you’re making me shit myself
Hannah: I AM NOT EVEN DOING IT ON PURPOSE
me: I KNOW
you’re the best at it
Hannah: BEST ON ACCIDENT
UGGGHHHHHHH
also i am so hungover i want to die
BECAUSE CINDI (read: ME) WENT TO BOTH ENIDS HAPPY HOURS LAST NIGHT

Fuck.

Know what I am suddenly and irrationally inspired and excited by? Marzipan.

Remember when Snopes debunked the myth of the marzipan babies in 2005? Those were exciting times in the internet world, but I think it’s time we start creating new internet memes by making new ridiculous marzipan sculptures a reality. Really, I just cant’s stop thinking about how delicious those babies would taste if they were real.

Also, I was inspired by the marzipan on this week’s episode of Weeds. Lame. I know. But I think something magical can happen from this idea, even if it is partially inspired by a quote from a TV show.
I’ve been trying to make this happen and am stumped about how to estimate the volume per pound of marzipan. Here’s the dilemma. WWTTD (What Would Thu Tran Do)? Read More!

I saw Wall-E yesterday. It’s making me question by general contempt for recent Pixar/Dreamworks productions, which I generally find to be lazy slapstick comedies that try to teach lazy, sentimental values that lack any real thought or analysis. I was told that it’s a truly emo movie (it was) where Wall-E sits around watching old movies and pining for a love he’s never had. Considering I love anything that might bring a tear to my eye and involves wimpy male characters, I agreed to see it. And I have to say it was super cute and I didn’t think it was all bad. I (srsly) almost cried at a couple points.

Erin: how was wall e?
should i go see it?
me: omg
you would love it
i actually cried out “oh no” in a high pitched voice at one point
really loudly when I was too involved in the action
Erin: yesssssss
me: even though I have a lot of criticisms
it’s super cute and fun
like, REALLY cute
it’s majorly an erin movie
you will be obsessed after you see it
omg, it’s so cute
plus there are obese people who learn to live again

And now for the criticisms and these include numerous spoiler alerts. Read More!

Update: We’ve since located the source of this madness. Her name is Thu Tran, she lives in Bushwick, and I basically am now her biggest fan. I wrote her fanmail this morning. Check out more of her madness at http://thutranthutran.wordpress.com/.

Can anyone, someone explain what this is?

Recap of what you just saw: An Asian girl cooks a plate of devilled eggs assisted by a white devil on a set inspried by Eureka’s Castle for a character named Yoko Oh No who does mock conceptual art.

This is about as far as I got to uncovering the purpose of this clip the other day while chatting with Erin. (note: “zay” is cool kids slang for amazing):

me: OMG
THIS VIDEO
ERIN
I AM CRYING I AM LAUGHING SO HARD
FOOD PARTY!!!!!
Erin: holy fuck!!! i know!!!!!!
i saw it and i was like, “COLIN WILL DIE.”
me: it’s sooooo zay
Erin: sooooo
tts agree
it’s out of control
me: is it AZN?
Erin: IT IS THE MOST AZN THING EVER.
IT IS MORE AZN THAN AZIA

Have you guys seen this trailer for Asylum? Well I have now thanks to the lovely Gabe Delahaye over at Videogum.

Seriously though, I am so excited for this movie. Watching teenagers get slaughtered by mysterious forces and insanity is one of my favorite past times. This movie seems to have everything: needles in eyes (side note: seen Audition, because that movie is the king of needles in eyes), screaming blondes, mysterious pasts, S & M inspired scenes, scary doctors with no pupils, everything I tell you! I’ll be there opening night.

This is by the director of Final Destination 2, and all this Final Destination 2 talk going on in my own head as a result of being reminded of that (excellent) movie’s existence from the trailer had me thinking about how my good friend Jim Gaylord (yes that’s his real name) found a way to make teenage slaughter flicks meaningful, beautiful, and reflective. Read More!

My good friend Paul got the best friend request ever on Facebook this morning.

This really raised a lot of questions for me as well as making me laugh.

Is this a sign that spambots have finally infiltrated Facebook or is crotchbook a new trend? Could this be the efforts of some viral marketer trying to sell gays underwear? Do you think Dubi is stuffing in his pic? Does this merit the development of a new Facebook app called “Crotchbook”? Where could this man be from where his name is Dubi? Should I post more crotch pix?

I never followed up with Paul about how he responded, but I’m really curious what sort of response this guy gets and if he just sits around all day friend requesting guys with his crotch on display and what the response percentages are like. This sort of internet data could be really meaningful to marketers who are looking to virally market to chronic masturbators (me) who are looking to purchase crotch related products. I could really be the next internet millionaire considering the continually rising market for men’s luxury briefs.