Dear readers -

Thanks so much for following this blog in the past years. I recently began as a contributor to a new blog called Queer Sighted and just haven’t figured out how to continue producing content for this blog. It’s been fun, but now that I am busy trying to come up with queer themed topics for another site, it’s just too hard to figure out what I should be writing here. I’ll leave this site up for archival purposes and may occasionally post, but for the most part I need to kill this blog.

It’s sad, I know. But these things happen. Not everything can go on forever. I may still post stories and other material that doesn’t really have a home here, but I just haven’t figured out how to regularly update this beast.

If you want to continue following my work, you can check it out underneath my author tag at QS.

Love you all!

I read for the Brother My Lover series at Envoy Gallery hosted by Robert Smith this last weekend. I’ve been doing short fiction as a hobby in the last year and it was really fun! You can read a great interview with Robert Smith over at Mary Literary. I’m really into the whole creative ethic of the series. The piece I read is below and it’s titled “And then she cut it off with scissors.”

This one time I dropped my iPhone phone while jaywalking, turned towards the phone to pick it up, only to watch a SUV roll over it and see the touch-screen shatter in, what, at the time, felt like, slow motion right in front of me. That’s kind of how I think Emily felt, only she felt it 10 times more intensely because she is only 13. 13 year olds just feel things in a different more urgent way – at 13 every moment of embarrassment can as easily end in an attempt at suicide as it can be vented through a fit of I-hate-you-moms. When I was 13 I remember looking in the mirror one day with a knife contemplating cutting myself because some kid had thrown french fries in my face and called me a fat ass while I was waiting in the lunch line to get pizza from school lunch line. You learn a lot at this age. This is a story about Emily, not about me. Emily and her best friend Staci with an i.

Emily’s mom made her take her nose piercing out. I know this because I have read conversations she had online about it. Between all the bad tween text spelling, I could tell she felt like shit about it. When I was young I would have called my friend, and we might have walked to a starbucks where we had coffee or a clandestine cigarette. Emily grew up in a world with more internet, so instead she just goes online and chats with her friend. Her screenname is “goldenstarz26,” and her friend Staci uses “pussywink05.” Whatever. When I was that age my screen name was weedcowboy. It didn’t need a number because it was 1994 and there wasn’t anyone else with the name weedcowboy.

Before I explain what happened here, let me just warn you that it’s gross. And it’s all true. That’s the most fucked up part. It’s something that really happened. But as a 26 year old selling pot to thirteen year olds, I can’t really judge anyone anymore.

I’m pretty sure the whole story gets set in motion after Emily cried about her piercing and logged in to chat up Staci.

Emily: OMG OMG OMG
Staci: wut?
Emily: My mom made me take out my nose piercing
Staci: wtf! You just got that. And it was kewt
Emily: yeah, I know. it got a little bit of pus in it and my mom hated it anyways so she used that as an excuse to make me take it out.
Staci: is it healing ok? also, are you coming to Zero Altitude after school tomorrow? I wanna ask you something since you have experience with piercings
Emily: duh I am going! don’t I always. jason is gonna be there and we are gonna play Foosball and get stoned
Staci: cuz you looooove Jason
Emily: I do love him! shut up! it’s not funny!
Staci: lol
Emily: whatever, one day we’re gonna get married.
Staci: meh,Whatever u virgin!
Emily: shut up, just cuz I didn’t give it up the robby mcclaren in 7th grade
Staci: shut up, doods do it all the time and no one calls them sluts.
Emily: wtf, i don’t think ur a slut. ur my bf
Staci: thanks. u always got my back. wut time u wanna go to ZA then? my mom won’t be home till late so like, i would love to hang out. if jason is there i bet ben will be there. not that he calls me ne more
Emily: like 3. jason wanted me to pick him up some weed from zach after school, so i’ll be a little late since i need to walk over to the smoker corner.
Staci: k. C u there. don’t let your mom smell those ciggies on u.
Emily: lol, k, see u soon. I’m sure ben is still really into u.

I know Emily a lot better than I know Staci. I volunteer at this youth center called Zero Altitude on the east side. I am a teen counselor. It’s kind of perfect because I just talk to teenagers all day and get to sell them pot after hours. Emily is not so much a customer of mine, she’s just a girl who needs someone to talk to, so I hear a lot about her life. She didn’t tell me about what happened to Staci.

Staci: hey
Emily: wuddup
Staci: bored
Emily: so did you do it?
Staci: yeah, bitch
Emily: did it hurt?
Staci: kinda. nbd. I iced it
Emily: omg, I can’t believe you did that. You are so cool
Staci: lol. I try, girl. it’s kinda sore but whatever. it’ll heal ok I’m sure.
Emily: omg i srsly can’t believe you pierced your fukking clit
Staci: lol
Emily: srsly, how could u just like go in the bathroom and do it with an ice cube and a needle? ur so fukking crazy, that’s why ur my girl
Staci: whatver, it’s  not like my mom would ever let me get it. I’m just hardcore like dat. she needs to chill anyways, she needs to know i do what i want
Emily: sometimes i wish i had ur balls
Staci: you so have balls girl. besides, i can’t have you copying me and piercing ur clit too
Emily: i guess I’ll just have to pierce my ass lol
Staci: lol. srsly, i don’t know where you come up with this stuff. wtf is an ass piercing? god, this makes my vag itchy
Emily: lol. make sure to clean down there
Staci: I will. ug. my mom is calling me for dinner. gtg
Emily: one sec, do you have a copy of the social studies assignment? I can come over and pick it up.
Staci: like i’m gonna do it?
Emily: lol, right. sum of us need good grades at least
Staci: ug, dinner smells gross. my mom should learn to cook. ok, for reals, gtg. she sounds mad.

I used to deal weed to Emily and she couldn’t afford the ounce she wanted for her and her then-boyfriend Jason so I told her I would take her hella-old Macbook in exchange. She just didn’t bother wiping the hard drive before she sold it to me. I’m not a pedophile – these transcripts just came up when I was trying to change the IM log in. If it didn’t violate Staci’s privacy so much, I feel like they might make a really section in a pamphlet on sexual health. It has a gross out factor that I think kids would really relate to. Maybe I should send these to Obama with an explanation about how Staci is a metaphor for the state of health care in our country or something.

Emily: What’s wrong?
Staci: nothing
Emily: you were avoiding me at school today. is this about how jason likes me back and we’re maybe gonna go out? i’m sorry u and ben broke up
Staci: ug, nothing is wrong. it just hurts
Emily: what just hurts? you can’t expect jason not to hang out with his best friend. srry. u need to get over ben.
Staci: no stupid. you know. my piercing.
Emily: I thought it was healing. Staci, u need 2 take care of it!
Staci: I HAVE BEEN. It just hurts and i needed to sit alone today.
Emily: r u ok?
Staci: yeah.
Emily: gtg. if u need anything call me ok!

According to the time stamp on the chats, Staci and Emily stopped being friends a little after this. All the kids that hung out at Zero Altitude were like a little community, and I remember there was a rumor going around that something really gross had happened to Staci. No one would tell me the details. I hadn’t really thought about it until I got the computer from Emily. It’s really fucked up what kids do to themselves.

Staci: u there? I really need to talk
Emily: what’s up? did you wash ur cooch lol
Staci: it’s not funny
Emily: srry
Staci: srsly. there’s a smell. not cool. i’m so worried.
Emily: what?
Staci: it smells like garbage. so i got a mirror and looked and it looks really gross
Emily: have u looked down there before?
Staci: not really that much, but like… this is fucked up. it’s not how it’s supposed to look i am sure. it looks like a fukking grey dead knuckle or a really gross roly poly
Emily: OMG YOU HAVE TO GO TO THE DOCTOR
Staci: my mom is going 2 kill me
Emily: omg, this is so not funny. ur kidding right?
Staci: no im not, god, i can’t believe you think that. why would i lie about that
Emily: shut up, u are so kidding. ur just mad at me. r u playing a joke on me just cuz i like jason? r u mad at me?
Staci: i can’t even talk to you right now. bye
Emily: u there?
Emily: u there?

Before my grandmother got put on dialysis, her legs were so bloated she almost had to get them amputated. I remember coming over and finding a stash of Krispy Kremes. She had been keeping it a secret. She was embarrassed that she hadn’t been managing her diabetes. I want to blame Staci’s behavior on the fact that she’s young, but I don’t think I can. People get embarrassed about being unhealthy. People will hurt themselves even when they know better.

Emily: r u there? why weren’t you at school today.
Staci: i’m really sick
Emily: wut did u get swine flu lol
Staci: shut up. it’s really infected
Emily: what’s really infected
Staci: shut up you know. stop being a bitch.
Emily: omg, it got worse? srry I didn’t believe you b4. ur like my best friend
Staci: promise u won’t tell anyone? srsly, it’s so bad
Emily: ok, major promise
Staci: so it was looking really gross and there was this grey part that looked like a hunk of dead skin. so i thought it would heal better if I just cut it off
Emily: wtf
Staci: yeah so i got these scissors that i keep in my drawer and went in the bathroom and did it. it was kind of a lot of skin and i didn’t want my mom to find it so i kept it in a napkin. it’s in my underwear drawer right now.
Emily: wtf!!! ur have to go to a doctor. srsly, i am going to call 911
Staci: NO! don’t. u can’t be my best friend if you call 911 and my mom finds out I did this
Emily: WTF. R u sure ur going to be ok?
Staci: gtg. I feel really sick. gonna go throw up and then lie down. i’ll be fine. i’m a tuff bitch to get down lol
Emily: lol

It gets worse. I remember Staci’s mom was investigated for sexual abuse right before they moved. No one was ever charged. Staci was the one abusing herself.

Staci’s only motivation was to get a bad-ass piercing to show off to her friends, which is stupid, but I can’t blame her. The mom is really the only one I can blame here. If you can’t make sure your kid doesn’t let their genitals rot, then maybe you shouldn’t have kids.

Emily: OMG. Where have u been. i haven’t seen u in a week and you haven’t been online.
Staci: i was in the hospital
Emily: OMG WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME
Staci: i dunno. it was sudden. my mom doesn’t want me to talk to you.
Emily: wtf! your mom needs to stop trying to keep u away from your friends
Staci: it was really weird. i was really sick and like… had to show the doctor the parts i had saved in a napkin and they sewed it back on
Emily: gross! r u ok though
Staci: well yeah, they put me on antibiotics and shit. i felt awful. now it just hurts when i pee
Emily: yeah but r u ok?
Staci: i’m not sure. besides when I go pee, i can’t feel anything down there anymore
Emily: r u ok?
Staci: i just don’t know. I can’t feel anything.

Staci and Emily stopped being friends after that. Staci stopped hanging around at Zero Altitude and after her mother’s investigation, and they moved to Portland. It’s far enough away I guess. I wonder what would have happened if Staci’s mom had been cool with her daughter piercing her clit and brought her to a professional and all that. Would Staci have even wanted the piercing? Would she have got it and then taken care of herself?

My grandmother is on her deathbed right now. She has heart disease and her diabetes is bad. Last time I came over, the nurse had set her up with a bed pan and her skin was mottled from bed sores. And when I got close to her, she whispered, so that the nurse couldn’t hear, that she wanted me to bring her a Krispy Kreme next time.

If I had my own awards ceremony, Radiohole would win the GMSC Award for Best Performance Art Group. Even better, they have a new show that I finally got around to seeing last week!

The teaser above is the awesome intro to their new work Whatever, Heaven Allows. The piece attempts to marry the Milton poem Paradise Lost with Douglas Sirk’s glossy drama All That Heaven Allows. I’m sure if you’re not familiar with the group, you’re probably all “omg, that’s s0 rand0m, I can’t imagine it’s anything other than bad postmodern performance!” But you’d totally wrong and your dismissive nature will make you miss out on the best party of a performance you have ever seen! Having seen their last two shows, starting with the landmark Fluke, their work continually delivers on presenting the audience with what I’ll dub a “smart art party.” Go for the free PBR you get with your ticket, stay for the creative association of themes happening through monologue and movement.

The true story here is that it’s not for everyone, and no matter how much I rave about it, there’s a likelihood that you’re not gonna like it unless you have a taste for more extreme avant-garde theater. Probably the most illuminating part of Ben Brantley’s review of Whatever in the New York Times is a quick aside added in parenthetical, “At least I enjoyed it; my theatergoing companions, accustomed to more urbane avant-garde, were not amused.” My fellow theater goers seemed pretty bothered after taking front row seats when, early on into the performance, the entire cast was about five feet away from us throwing shots of chocolate syrup and creamed corn on their face while yelling “Hot sake!” in a piece meant to represent a raucous cocktail party. I couldn’t help but feel like some of my buddies were wondering what I had got them into when the splash back from the various sticky liquids landed on their nice jeans and winter jackets.

But I really enjoyed it! And I think it was the best work I’ve seen of theirs, despite the fact that there wasn’t any explicit nudity (I really was expecting to see some dick and tits and was a little let down…).

The best news? The show at PS122 has been extended through the 21st, so if you have some time go out and get a ticket and show your love for experimental theater. I mean, the guys just won a the Spalding Grey Award so they must be good! (I have never heard of this award about before, but Spalding Grey is great, so the award must be prestigious, right?).

Here’s some videos I found online on their last two shows. Check it out if you need a better sample of these party animals’ particular brand of performance. And if that’s not enough, there’s also the Radiohole Baby Blog, probably the best satirical take on a behind the scenes blog I have ever seen.

Video preview of Anger/Nation, a performance mashing up the themes of Kenneth Anger with temperance crusader Carrie Nation:

A video from Fluke, an awesome re-telling/exploration of the Moby Dick story:

I’m not sure who Myles Cooper is and there’s very little on his MySpace music page. This is what I can quickly glean about this guy from the video:

• He lives in San Francisco and is some sort of gay hipster of sorts, evidenced most apparently by the Aunt Charlie’s shout out in the end. I had a pretty decent time at the Tube Steak party there once!!! Although going through the tenderloin at night is a tiny bit scary!!!
• He has some sort of association with ex-Gravy Train member Hunx, now of Hunx and his Punx, who sings in the chorus.
  

One thing that can be said with certainty is that the guy (with the help of animator Skye Thorstenson and a slew of other folks) has made one of the best, funniest, cutest, campy-yet-sincere music videos I have ever seen. Happy Friday, guys.

[tons of props to CTRL + W33D for posting this and bringing it to my attention]

To steal Seinfeld’s format for my opening here – what’s with this trend in Hollywood with making movies that look like they should be horrible that somehow turn out super enjoyable? First there was my experience with Beverly Hills Chihuahua. Now there is Hot Tub Time Machine. To get an idea of what an awful idea this movie at first seemed to be, check out the trailer below:

And boy was I proven wrong! I saw a preview with bloggy buddies Sorry I Missed Your Party and Hard Liquor, Soft Holes at the Regal on 42nd Street and 8th on Tuesday (the one next to the Dallas BBQ that I obvs hit up for a Texas Size Beer and a burger after wards). I actually laughed a lot and wasn’t totally bored/annoyed with the movie. AND THIS IS THE PART WHERE I ANNOUNCE SPOILER ALERT!

I like dude comedies for the most part. I like raunchy humor (although fart jokes can get a bit old) and I LOVE comedy created around despairing, depressed people who are kind of awesome but crushed by the world (because I kind of relate). My one big usual critique of dude comedies is that they normally circulate around straight male fantasies where everything around them must be subjugated to their will to find happiness. This is where the film surprised me, they introduce a satirical version of this ending with Rob Corddry’s character.

On top of that Rob Corddry just CRUSHES IT with his performance. He really carried the whole film for me.

His character plays a total alcoholic depressing fuck-up named Lou whose friends all ignore him and who MAYBE tries to commit suicide at the beginning (it’s never totally clear if it was just an accident that looked like suicide or if the bender he was on was intentionally self destructive). John Cusack, his nephew played by proto-Judah-Friedlander Clark Duke, and Craig Robinson take him on a retreat to a ski lodge where they had wild times when they were younger. Upon arrival, the place turns out to be falling apart, full of olds, and no longer a good times place, so they all get wasted in the hot tub. In a barely explained premise, some wacky Russian energy drink turns the hot tub into a time machine (the name of the movie does not lie!) that brings them back to the their youth. The rest of the exposition here doesn’t really matter enough for me to type out in detail.

The important thing is that what happens allows the future to change, because the guys, as their younger selves (always represented by their older selves on screen) change their past actions. The typical tension between loving the ‘good old party times’ and the ‘responsibilities of adult life’ arise. The men use their knowledge of the future to do things that will make their previous lives, which have such not-big-deal problems as unfaithful wives, difficulties dating and shitty jobs, into the lives they always wanted.

Two of the character’s endings are boring – but Rob Corrdy! Here’s where Rob Corddry’s character arc really makes the film work for me. His future, fantasy self has hair instead of growing bald, but it’s weird crazy Siegfriend and Roy Hair! He invents Google but names it Lougle (after his character’s name)! He just runs with it and creates this total parody of the normal straight-dude fantasy ending that is genuinely funny and critical at the same time!

Other things to note about the film:

• It is incredibly raunchy. Every body fluid get screen time. Blood, cum, vomit, piss, you name it.
• There’s a good amount of uncomfortable homoerotic moments.
• There is a time traveling squirrel that is actually kind of a funny running joke.
• Bad jokes about eighties trends really take a back seat to the raunchy humor. There’s really a lot less jokes about bad trends and fashions than I expected, which is GOOD because those jokes are pretty played out.
• John Cusack smokes bong rips, snorts coke, eats mushrooms and then dresses up like a crazy homeless lady on the Upper East Side (or maybe just old Edie from Grey Gardens?) and wanders around and it is soooo funny.
• Lizzy Caplan, known for her break out role as the goth girl in Mean Girls, plays Cusack’s love interest. I am a huge fan of hers from her work on the amazing Party Down (the best show hardly anyone watches) and while her role isn’t written very well (She’s kinda a cliché ‘free spirit who helps Cusack remember ‘how to live.’ Whatever, right?) I am really happy to see her getting work.
• Did I mention John Cusack takes tons of drugs and wanders around dressed in glasses that look like they were purchased on the street from st marks and some ragged but fancy looking fur jacket and scarf?

So good job Hot Tub Time Machine! You sure showed me not to judge a movie by a trailer!

Have you been watching the Winter Olympics? Johnny Weir was SO robbed right? He at least deserved bronze. And was there anything more beautiful than last night’s Canadian Ice Dancing team’s winning final performance. And they are both so cute!!!

I’m one of the rare people who is actually more into the Winter Olympics than the Summer Olympics. I mean come on. Figure Skating! Ice Dancing! Ski Jumps! Ski Cross! Snowboard Cross! There’s just so many weird sports.

This year I discovered a new weird sport to love. I legitimately am really into curling. I find it to be an exciting game of strategy. It’s a lot like watching a great game of pool at the bar, but more absurd, on ice, and utilizing actual giant stones. Also, what are their shoes? Because they don’t wear skates but they glide so gracefully.

And have you noticed? Strategies between women’s and men’s curling are super gendered! The women are super passive aggressive, putting one stone in the house (or, my preferred spelling, “the hoose”)  and then guarding the shit out of it. The men are more outwardly aggressive, knocking opponents stones or  just clearing the board when it stops going their way. It really makes me want to watch a co-ed game.

And more importantly, the game seems to be filled with secret crush worthy guys. Really, who had any idea that there were so many totally handsome men who were into curling?

For your viewing please, here’s a list of some of the most attractive men in curling I could find online. And of course I drew all over their pictures like a middle school girl in luuuuv!!!

[Look, I'm not even sure what some of my so-called innuendos I drew below are even supposed to mean. I just write this shit, ok?]

John Morris of Canada:

Thomas Ulsrud of Norway:

The dreamy stoner looking dude, Jason Smith, of the USA:

Jan Henri Ducroz of France:

The twinkalicious Oskar Erickson of Sweden:

The striking Raphael Mathieu of France:

And the very handsome and very fashionable (via the pants) Haavard Vad Petersson:

<3 these kewties <3

I was having this conversation with a buddy recent about the current state of music. We didn’t think the current climate was bad per se, but we couldn’t help but ask “WHERE IS THE ANGST?!!!” I mean, we’re in a depression, all our jobs suck, politics are more cynical than ever, and somehow most of popular culture still remains firmly rooted in a dedication to escapism. Why is our entertainment so seemingly happy when the rest of the world kind of sucks right now?

Well, it looks like Xiu Xiu’s upcoming album being released Monday, February 22, is aiming to provide some beautiful depressive catharsis. Xiu Xiu has consistently been one of the only bands I will shell out for whenever they come to town. The shows always have an amazing sense of live experimentation (For example, the last show I went to, they experimented with percussive tones using a yield sign placed on a saw horse). Jamie Stewart, the driving force behind the project, is magnetic on stage with an amazing ability to communicate on a personal level with large crowds. I was also always a big fan of Caralee, who unfortunately is now listed as a former member. (True story side note: I once went on a very unsuccessful date with a guy I met at one of their concerts!)

While the live performances have always been amazing, I always found some of their recording to be hit and miss. Sometimes the experimentation just doesn’t translate in recording. Don’t get me wrong. The most recent Women As Lovers was GREAT. Fabulous Muscles was a HUGE standby when I needed to emo out alone in my room in college. I actually can’t name an album I don’t like. I even liked the covers compilation released 3 years back. My point is more that I understand why people might NOT like it. Which is why these three leaked tracks from the upcoming Dear God, I Hate Myself have me really excited.

All three tracks go back to the sort of alternative electronic vibe that I first came to love about this band while adding in a kind of New Order 80s dance sensibility. Basically I have hopes that this could be one of the most accessible, successful, and listenable albums the group has done in a while. None of that is meant to sound patronizing, I think being “listenable” within this genre is actually a truly great quality.

I was looking at the YouTube comments to see what other people think. I think this mm60503642 has a good point but maybe doesn’t get the music?

However, I think I am more inclined to agree with VomitShovel.

Check out the title track “Dear God, I Hate Myself”:

Here’s another very dancey one called “Gray Death”:

And lastly my favorite of the leaked tracks, “Chocolate Makes You Happy.” You know, it’s just a simple song about binging on chocolate and then throwing it all up to try and make yourself feel better:

I still got some mp3 gift cards left over from Christmas that I know I will be using Monday.

I’m not joking. I really don’t know who Justin Bieber is and he seems to be a constant trending topic on Twitter and the like. Instead of Googling him, I figure it’s just better to write a post, right? Also, this video by some YouTube pop group named Menya is apparently a dirty cover version of one of his songs.

According to Joe My God these are all NYU freshmen? Having ‘been there’ (meaning having been an NYU freshman) I have some advice.

Letter number 1:

Dear unremarkable girl who is obviously the star,

Please get a new look. You have a great voice for autotune. You obviously like to perform. You can go far! You just need to refine your look a little, you’re being way overshadowed by your Asian friend’s obvious hipness. I know i can be hard to out-hip Asians with good haircuts, but you could at least try harder. Also you should talk to your friends in film school and get some lights and greeen screen. The video would be way better if you had b-roll backgrounds that made it look like you were flying over mountains or in a jungle or something.

You also look like you might fit in better in California than New York. That’s not an insult. I am just sayin’.

Sincerely -

A former unremarkable NYU Freshman

Letter number 2:

Dear girl who looks like Ginger Takahashi -

You are probably the best thing about this video. Keep up the good work. Are you in art school? If so your whole look and steez makes me thing of this awesome girl named Ginger Takahashi who is in some fun bands. One of them is called The Ballet but I don’t really know what they are doing anymore? The other is called Men and is with JD Samson of Le Tigre fame and they are playing tomorrow night at the Bell House.  You should go study her, because I am her fan and I want to be your fan too.

Best -

Former wanna be art kid

Letter number 3:

Dear really good looking but self conscious NYU otter cub -

Please learn to get into the dancing more. You are super cute and if you weren’t doing that ‘I am sooo self conscious so I look dead in the eyes’ thing every gay man in the east village and williamsburg would be sweatin you. You would have so many boyfriends. AND DON’T YOU WANT SOOOO MANY BOYFRIENDS????? (that’s rhetorical).

Best -

Former NYU Freshman who wants to have a crush on you

Thanks for uploading to YouTube Menya!!! Now please tell me who Justin Bieber is?

So I went to go see Valentine’s Day on Valentine’s Day. Buying a ticket for 1 adult online makes me laugh so hard at myself.

I should have shown up with a box of chocolates all for myself and then gone to a restaurant and yelled, “Excuse me! Waiter! I’ll be having the ‘Sweetheart’s Special’ for 1 please.”

True story though: I actually saw it with two of my besties and just bought the ticket by myself and we had juice boxes of pinot grigio. So in reality not as funny and actually kinda a normal experience!!!

But let’s talk about the movie.

I don’t want to do a full exegesis or review. I don’t think I can do better than Manohla Dargis’ brilliant take on the movie, describing the film as  a “dire romantic comedy.” And boy is this movie dire!!!

The film is just so full of anachronistic elements, so I am just gonna throw them all out there:

• The Taylor Swift/Taylor Lautner storyline has no real plot arch, but somehow is one of the best parts of the movie?
• Shirley MacLaine’s performance is the only thing that saves her storyline.
• Anne Hathaway/Topher Grace’s plot line is laughable. Anne Hathaway is in no way a convincing phone sex operator and I didn’t think for a second that Topher was actually pissed off or turned off by her chosen profession.
• Julia Roberts is in the movie for 6 minutes and it’s been reported she made 3 million dollars.
• Jessica Biel is WAY too hot (and her character dresses like she knows it) to be a believable dorky outsider.
• Patrick Dempsey juggles lemons to make a really obvious pun on how he’s cheating on his wife with Jennifer Garner.
• The gay “surprise” is pretty weird and involves a mystery man appearing to tickle Eric Dane’s face with flowers.
• A large part of the action takes place at an Indian Restaurant for no real reason.
• Ok, I almost cried at the end of Julia Robert’s plotline, when she shows up at home and hugs her kid.
• Queen Latifah, as always, was flawless. But can she please play a lesbian already?

So, if you liked In Her Shoes and weren’t bothered by the random Jamaican Wedding at the end, you will probably love this movie! That being said, it’s entirely “sit through-able.” I didn’t once feel like it was totally unwatchable. If you decide to watch this, just make sure you have a box of wine nearby.

2010 guys! It’s been a month! Can you believe it? I’m sure you can!

I have have been sick with a horrible hacking cough so hence small hiatus from this here personal blog. Be back when I’m back on my game.

But I saw this today and ya’ll just need to know about it. I been watching this ‘like a hawk in the sky, a bird of prey’ aka on repeat.

His music has strong powers. First I was like, “hey look a goofy looking white dude” but by the end of the video I was kinda in <3. Maybe for 2010 I should get married to this guy.

[via w33d]