After a long hiatus, Meat Picnic has returned with a new tale of the tragedies and pleasures that accompany luxury and material excess.

Erin:  this morning
rachael ray
made a pasta and put on top
CHEDDAR
like, instead of parmesean
me:  EW
Erin:  ohh totes
I DIED
FUCK
me:  LIKE, CHEDDAR WITH MARINARA?!?!?!?!
Erin:  BASICALLY
me:  EW
Erin:  I KNOW
IT HAD BACON IN IT
SHE SAID THE SHARP CHEDDAR WOULD ‘HOLD UP WELL’ AGAINST THE SMOKY
2 STRIPS OF BACON IN A MARINARA?
NOT THAT SMOKY
none of it made any sense
me:  i’m laughing so hard I might cry
i am trying to find a picture of the rachel ray cheddar pasta
I want to post our bitching
it wasn’t this was it?
Erin:  no, it was this
me:  damn, no pix!
Erin:  omg
colin
THIS!!!
me: DOG CASSEROLE!!!!!
Erin:  DISGUSTING
post about that
me:  “(Buy preshredded cheese. You will need 1 1/2 sacks of 10-ounce packages.)”
i always am looking for sacks of cheese
Erin:  ewwwwwwwwwww
EWWWW IT JUST MADE ME THINK OF BALLS
CHEDDAR SCROTUM
ewwwwwfalsdughogha;dgadgag
me:  cheesey sac!!!!

I have the sense of humor of a 5th grader.

So I guess Lindsay Lohan kind of officially came out? She “admitted” she was dating Sam Ronson? I don’t think saying that you’ve been seeing someone for a very long time is really the same as blurting out “I’m Gay/Queer/Lesbian/Trans” but whatever. Across the pond, The Mirror seems to think her response on Loveline was good enough to qualify as an official outting. I’m personally a little more concerned because Lindsay and Sam’s relationship has begun to affect my friend’s dreams.

Amy:  i had a dream last night that ended with me holding lindsey lohan while she sobbed and was o’ding on drugs
actually i kind of like saved her from o’ding on drugs
i was sam ronson
haah it was freakishly vivid
i was sobbing too….it was very intense, watching lindsey od on herion
lindsey’s eyes were like rolling back in here head
and we were in this like darkened forest glen thing
me:  omg
so amazing!
Amy:  it was the kind of think where i woke up and was like, ‘oh god i hope i’m not crying or making weird noises or something” ahhaha cause i was with [guy she is dating]
hahah dreaming about lindsey lohan
me:  haha!
and about being her lesbian lover
Amy:  well it was like, waaaaayy more intesnse then that
like i don’t know if we were really romantically invovled
but it was some like “YOU ARE THE WIND BENEATH MY WINGS” shit
hahah
me:  soooo good
Amy:  hahah
now i can’t stop thinking about lindsey lohan
i mean shit, maybe i should write her a letter

Did y’all see Gossip Girl last night? Because it was pretty good. It was basically like the first time I watched Gossip Girl where I was so happy to be slightly scandalized by a tween show that is somehow held together by the narrations of Kirsten Bell who actually just plays the voice of a blog. A blog, people. So funny, this world of new media we live in. Especially when that world involves high schoolers having sex, throwing illicit parties, and tossing tossing around like it’s old lira.

Last night we saw (SPOILERS AHEAD just in case you DVRed this mutha’) a new character introduced who goes from being innocent to being in cahoots with Chuck in the course of the hour. We also saw a step mother/step son affair, which could be categorized as incest. We also saw Vanessa fuck up the complicated machinations of Blair’s revenge, but it’s kind of understandable because she’s too poor to know how these things work. We also were introduced to my new favorite drink, the “Nair-tini,” and saw Serena start to take on a new role as queen bitch. Also dumb lacrosse players. Basically it was everything I watch the show for. I’m not going to do a full re-cap, since other sites do that perfectly well, but my good friend Ben and I twittered the entire thing, and I think our live reactions are a pretty good supplement to any plot recap you might read elsewhere. After the jump, our OMFG moments (yes, I just said that). Read More!

What’s up with all the Asian insect threats going on in the burroughs these days? We have Northern Snakehead fish in queens, Aisan Longhorned Beetles eating our trees… and now the dangerous Asian Tiger Mosquito has come this last summer to bite us from up to half a mile away?

I have a strange and unnatural immunity to mosquitoes. I get bitten sometimes, but normally the itching and swelling goes down within an hour. I’ve beentold that consuming large amounts of Vitamin B, which would make sense considering my Sparks and Red Bull consumption both of which have large amounts of B vitamins, but the New York Times doesn’t believe that to be true. I’m going to speculate instead that it’s from the time when I lived in the East Village above a roof that had pools of standing water and didn’t have the sense to buy a screen for my window. Point is, I haven’t even noticed the presence of these mosquitos, but all my friends seem to be getting more bites. But it seems New York’s environment is in danger guys.

Is it just me, or is does there seem like there’s some sort of inherent xenophobia and racism behind all of this? Is it coincidence that these are all from Asia? Can I call them AZN? The AZN Tiger Mosquito? Are AZNs responsible for environmental disruptions in New York? Does this have any relationship to the amount of work international superstar Bai Ling has been getting? Becuase she has ten upcoming movies, guys, andI’m not sure how she’s gone from being a gratuitous fashion accessory villain in The Crow to having ten soon to be released movies.

Stop destroying our natural city environments, Bai Ling.

I sometimes make jokes about being a man-baby or how my friends behave like manbabies. But I just found out about this gem from 1973 about an actual manbaby. Enter The Baby:

Seriously I’m speechless.

Here’s another clip about what happens when breastfeeding continues into adulthood. It actually is borderline terrifying, but then the terrible mother appears and something about her is so reminiscent of Joan Crawford that I start cracking up.

I’m gonna watch the shit out of this movie this weekend.

You know who doesn’t know that out economy is going under? Damien Hirst. He recently sold The Golden Calf for £10,345,250. (via Towleroad. What? Towleroad reports on art? I had no idea).This is what it looks like.

When I look at this piece, it basically looks like a vanity piece for some astrology obsessed gay who’s a Sagittarius and loves the musical Jesus Christ Superstar. He’ll place it next to his unicorn tapestries.

I have difficulty understanding how anyone would spend so much money on this. At this point in time, Damien Hirst and other artists, such as Jeff Koons and Takashi Murakami, have become more of an industry label. They have entire studios with throngs of artists making work that they then put their name on. So how can any individual piece they sell at this point be considered an important part of art history or a good investment to someone with millions to spend on a new piece for their collection? Good friend and confidant Paul explained it to me today: Read More!

Have I mentioned how much I love Queen Latifa, or Queefa, as I like to call her? Well I do. If I didn’t think the idea of having a gay diva was totally an abhorrent and disgusting social construct, she might be my gay diva. U-N-I-T-Y.

This got passed along to me today.

A CONVERSATION WITH THE QUEEN

She’s an unlikely superstar. A big, bodacious, beautiful woman who scaled huge barriers to become one of the world’s most respected performers. She’s Black America’s reigning queen. On September 18, B-E-T will sit down with the incomparable Queen Latifah for a unique one-on-one interview highlighting her storied career, which now spans nearly two decades. B-E-T will trace Queen Latifah’s trajectory to greatness, exploring everything from her emergence as a hip hop artist to her acclaimed acting career, successful Covergirl cosmetics line, and her latest film “The Secret Life of Bees.” Viewers will be captivated by the revelations as B-E-T probes Queen Latifah for her deepest thoughts about her craft and professional ascent into the A-List. Join B-E-T as we hold court with Queen Latifah and have the conversation of a lifetime.

Saturday, September 13, 2008
11:30am- 3:00pm

DGA Theater
110 W 57th Street (btw 6th & 7th Avenues)
New York, New York 10019

I’m totally confused why this is a full day event. I can’t really imagine what sort of probing questions B-E-T will be asking her that take three and a half hours to answer. Queen must have a long and complicated story about how she became a big, bodacious spokesperson for Covergirl. Do ya’ll think they’ll ask her about her lesbianism? With rumors of La Lo getting hitched to Samantha Ronson, I think she should really start talking about it.

Also, do any of you know what the deal is with The Secret Life of Bees? Is it like the National Geographic movie“The Secret Life of Cats” that I once borrowed from the New York Public Library? I heard that “The Secret Life of Bees” also has Dakota Fanning in it. Is that the movie where Dakota Fanning gets raped by a hound dog?

It’s been fashion week for a while now I guess? I really couldn’t care less. However, I did take a moment to peruse upcoming must-haves (must-not-haves?) of the next season.

Do you guys know much about models? Because I don’t, so maybe this person is someone famous and I’m just uninformed about fashions. But I am thinking that Marc Jacobs might have snuck a trans model into his show last night.

So let’s play a game. Tranny or Not Tranny. It’s like Deal or No Deal, except you won’t win anything and there’s not a bevy of ex-beauty pageant ladies opening up mystery briefcases that may or may not contain bombs. That’s what happens on Deal or No Deal, right? Briefcase bombs?

While Colin raps on one certain very-famous-right-now lady (whom I, too, love, but probably because she’s, like, Black Oprah), there is a lady who’s become the equivalent of my dream hag (if, of course, that whole phenomenon didn’t make me want to vomit poop):

Miley Cyrus.

It would be so boring, I know, if I adopted her as an ironic crush in an empty allusion to gay camp.  She’s someone - much like Raven Symone, who went from adorable child actor to a hyperactive trannie-clown whose overacting recalls every WB sitcom ever - who has, of late, boggled my mind.

Like Raven, she’s not really… “pretty,” so there isn’t much of a “princess” factor.  She doesn’t seem especially girly, so the idea of exclusively pink, sparkly, strawberry-scented merchandise goes out the window.  Her origin within the pop cultural landscape fascinates me, too, as she was merely one of an endless number of Disney pawns who found mammoth success.   Incidentally, her father was a former one-hit wonder who is now desperately clinging to her for relevance by playing her dad on Hannah Montana (and, p.s., it’s working).  So it’s just kind of like…what are you? Read More!