Just find me a shotgun and let me pull the trigger. Band of Horses? In my dream? Seriously?

Seriously, me, seriously… this is like a bad cliché of a cliché of when a spacey girl uses her GPS to figure out how to drive to Marlow and Sons from Manhattan while Band of Horses is playing. Only in the version starring me, it’s Of Montreal singing about I need to go Outback Steakhouse and eat a Bloomin’ Onion.

(And before you ask or comment about it, yes, I use Twitter. I need about 50 gajillion things to do at a time or else my head will explode. It’s like my brain is Jason Statham in Crank, ok?)

I learned about this from a young, female editor for The Onion who performed at Ritalin Readings last night named Megan Ganz. Thank you for introducing me to this inspiring product.

It’s called a Pussyfoot. Seriously. I’m not joking. There’s a vagina on the foot so they called it a Pussyfoot. Someone came up with this. lhfljshgjsldfhgj. That was the sound of me dying.

And now a short piece of fiction about gay foot fetishists: Read More!

Thank god I can’t have them.

Whoops! I forgot about butt babies! How else will I ever fulfill my dreams of being a hot hipster dad?

I am having a boring day. So boring in fact that I am blogging on a weekend. But I did find something stimulating that just took up the last three hours of my time. Fort Troff (NOTE: DEFINATELY DEFINATELY DEFINATELY NSFW. Unless of course you work at a place like Nasty Pig. Don’t say I didn’t warn you). Prepare for your entire sense of reality to mealt into a pool of rubber, silicone, leather, and poppers.

Much like my experience when I discovered the “No Homo” internet meme, my first thoughts were , “Why haven’t I heard of this before? This has obviously been around a long time.” My next thoughts were, “I don’t think that can fit in a human ass.” And my next thought was, “I need to send this to a friend.”

I sent an email with the link to good friend Paul Sepuya (who was recently featured in BUTT Magazine, check out the new issue!) which resulted in a lengthy gChat (AIM is for geriatrics and technophobes) about my next thought which was, “Could I actually get into any of this?”

Our full conversation in it’s original, vapid instant message format after the jump. Oh… and after the jump is also NSFW, but you’d only need that warning if you’re a total prude. Read More!