You know what movie you didn’t see in theaters (but kind of wish you did) that you’ll now never have to rent from the video store? Georgia Rule. The very talented E Dubs uses her talents to break down the entire plot of the movie in less than a minute.

The Plot of Georgia Rule in less than a minute from Colin on Vimeo.

So I am back in New York. Yay! New Year’s Eve is soon! Drop the ball!

So are you guys ready for the totally best inside joke ever? The following is a converation with good friend Paul. While sassing off in an email, he recently used the phrase “good deep dick.” I was utterly disgusted. The following is our conversation on the matter. Read More!

So my obligatory Merry Xmas post is a day late. Because I’ve been too obsessed with this new Wii (Sidenote: Am I a thirteen year old boy? Yes… yes perhaps I am…). Also, my sister is perpetually on the computer checking her Facebook and like… updating her pictures and stuff.

So Merry Xmas from me and Kate Bush’s crazy eyes.

I am in Seattle. This means I took a six hour flight yesterday to get here. Obviously it was on Jet Blue. Which also meant six hours of glorious, mind numbing TV. And the make to mind numbing even easier, I took a percoset left over from some surgeries I had in October. Let the nodding in and out begin!

I easily settled on a strong line up of Sci Fi Channel movies, since (duh!) zombies aliens and spooks are the best. I’m not even going to bother trying to trash the three movies I watched because it’s too easy (FYI, they were Hallowed Ground, Clive Barker’s The Plague starring James Van Der Beek, and Legion of Dead starring naked mummies in northern California). Also, I was skipping between these and a Shot At Love With Tila Tequila (a horror show in itself) so I didn’t see any of them all the way through.

More important than the programming were the commercials I got to catch up on. Read More!

You know what movie is coming out soon I’m really excited about?

I mean as a (not so) secret misogynist, how can I not be excited about a modern retelling of the cautionary legend of vagina dentata. I mean… this movie must be made by the biggest ‘mo ever. Or just the homosexual son of Roy Lichtenstein. Whichever.

I had a little chat and learned some fun background from my friend Olsky about this soon to be modern miracle of cinema. Read More!

My colon has billions of little friends. This is because I am really into probiotics (prō-bī-ˈä-tiks) recently. Probiotics are little tiny bacteria friends that reside in your digestion system and colon give you super powers. Like the power to shoot magic beams of rainbow power from your eyeballs and make any boy fall instantly in love with you. The more little friends your colon has, the more powerful you become.

One if the most powerful probiotics is a drinkable yogurt called kefir (ke-ˈfir). Kefir is so powerful because it comes from the tits of unicorns.

While this is maybe the most powerful of the probiotics, there is one other.

Read More!

For those unfamiliar with gay television or the advertisements plastered all over the 8th Avenue subway station, Dante’s Cove is perhaps the crappiest, most low budget show to elicit a variety of responses from it’s audience. Intrigued by it’s premise of gay wizards and supernatural gays on the beach I have embarked on an exercise in bad taste to log the series. If you missed it, the re-cap of Season 1 Episode 1 is here.

Dante’s Cove — Season 1 — Episode 2 — Then There Was Darkness

00:02 This episode opens with Toby and Kevin having gay sex on a picnic. Toby totally wants to put a strawberry in Kevin’s ass. Also: Why do they not ever have body hair?

00:03 Kevin is all chained up in a dream. He’s all torn over whether to go to Toby or Ambrosius. Both are kind of ugly.

00:05 Ambrosius has a total lair in the lighthouse with candles everywhere just for Kevin. It’s decorated like a bedroom that a goth girl would want to lose her virginity in. Kevin feels weird about doing it with Ambrosius because he loves Toby’s eyebrows.

00:07 Kevin blows Ambrosius. Then more slow-mo soft core anal sex. Ambrosius is totes a bareback bossy bottom. Again, where’s the condoms? Ambrosius totally has meth lines, no wonder he’s such an AIDsey ho-bag. At least there are finally gay wizards up in this joint.

Read More!

A story by Wayne Besen from his weekly column on 365gay came to my attention about the mankind project and reminded me how all my friends are total nellie faggots. As the story notes, a main tenant of the ex-gay movement for men is reclaiming one’s masculinity (side note: how can you reclaim what was never there to begin with?).

And of course masculinity is typically associated with the athletic - because what’s more virile than donning some skimpy lycra number and rubbing bumpy parts with other sweaty, muscly men? Except maybe sneaking glances at the dangling members of your fellow rugby players in a locker room that is thick with steam and the intoxicating musk of male body odor. And your teammate next to you bends over to reach for something in his locker, exposing his pert butt cheeks and then, ultimately, his tight manhole. It’s so crowded in the locker room that you are nearly on top of him, and you casually turn, so that your now semi-erect penis ever-so-delicately brushes against his bare thigh. He stands up when he feels it and you touch his shoulder gently and say “I’m so sorry, it’s so crowded in here.” And he says “That’s okay, I understand.” And then he bends over again, looking subtly over his shoulder.

But really, I’ve stopped having sex in the gym locker room. I promise.

Read More!

Hey! Here’s an awesome video I made during my “green screen” phase in video production class in high school.

JK, guys, just JKing you!! Actually it’s Kate Bush’s idea of a Christmas special in 1979. Because when Kate Bush thinks Christmas, she thinks pyramids, strangely constructed fake burqas, high powered fans, and weird symbolic gang rape.

Richard Gere had the gerbil-butt.

Rod Stewart had the cummy-tummy.

I now present to you, in gory detail, the newest, brightest, and most disturbing celebrity myth I’ve ever heard!

Read More!